DH quit his job...wihtout telling me first
My marriage is in trouble. And I'm so scared what is going to happen next. He just quit his job because he is too stressed. He did not discuss it with me at all. He had told me he was stressed and I thought we would talk about it more but nope, the next day he up and quits. I am on maturnity leave. He has to support SS and we have DD. if you read my previous blogs, we are 9 hours away from each other currently. I am making an emergency trip to see him on wed (that was the earliest i could,book a ticket without it costing an arm and a leg). The reason we are apart right now is because he decided by himself that he has to rip our new house to the studs and remodel it. I obviously cannot have DD10 months living in that so we are at my parents. It was supposed to take at most 3 weeks for a quick Reno, but now we don't even know we can go back, as there's nowhere to live.
I asked him why he didn't talk to me first about quitting and he says "you weren't here". Now I feel bad, yes I wasn't here but he still can't make a life altering decision without first talking to me about it. By the way that he said "you weren't here" so what does that mean, if I wasn't here, you can have an affair? If I wasn't here, we are not still married? There are so many things wrong here and I am getting so stressed. I'm hoping my trip there on we'd will help clear the air...but if not...we could be headed for a separation.
And I've tried talking to him about it. He says "don't worry, we are fine". I seriously cannot talk to the man...
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First he makes the decision
First he makes the decision to remodel the house without your input.
Now he makes the decision to quit his job.
It sounds like DH is in a marriage with himself.
And don't you dare feel bad that "you weren't there". He can't pick up a phone and call you?
You need to rip him a new one.
With the multitude of ways to
With the multitude of ways to communicate in this technology age, "You weren't there" means "I am going to do what I want when I want withOUT your input."
Sorry you are in this situation.
I remember in your last post
I remember in your last post you said he made plans to go to his mothers place for 4 days to see SD. he wanted you to meet up with him there. You decided on your own without discussing it with him to only stay for 2 days. And you posted here because he was upset about that.
So I wonder was it also your unilateral decision to take his child and move 9 hours away because he was renovating the house.
It would seem the two of you take decisions on your own without consulting each other. Now that's fine if you are deciding what colour socks to wear. But renovating the house to the point you say he made it unlivable. . You moving 9 hours away with his child. Then not even wanting to spend 4 days with him after months apart because it would all be too hard for you with dd. him leaving his job. These should be joint decisions.
More is going in here I think than you are really saying. But it would help to know if you are flying dd back with you and where you will both be staying when you get back. Are you both staying in the house.
You have been apart for months. You were planning to stay apart for another couple of months at least. That is not how a marriage works. Of course you will have problems.
If you want the marriage to work go home and stay home. If he has not renovated it to a standard after all this time where his baby daughter can live in it. Well maybe you two need some counseling. Something does not feel right here
No it is not how a marriage
No it is not how a marriage works. Me taking DD to my parents while he renovates was a joint decision. We decided it would be best to keep DD out of the mess that the Reno would turn into. I will be flying by myself, DD will stay here with my parents. I don't want to be away from him, but when we made the decision to renovate the house it was supposed to be a small project. After talking to a contractor he convinced him to re-do the house.
You're not even bringing his
You're not even bringing his child to see him??
Don't you think he *might* want to see his daughter??
And she's be FREE to fly with you??
Girl, I don't understand your choices and your motives.
I'm not bringing her because
I'm not bringing her because the house is a dump right now.DH has torn the place apart. I don't know why I would bring her to that as much as he wants to see her. And might I add that he is a very hands off dad. Out of the 3-4 weeks we have been apart, he has only asked about her twice. Never asked to Skype so he can see her, even though I offered, etc. I take care of her 90% of the time. He spends maybe 15mins at most with her when he comes home from work, then sits on the computer. I'm just saying this to tell you why I'm not bringing her with me, not just to complain more.
Maybe he got fired and he is
Maybe he got fired and he is too proud to tell her.
Sorry you are going through this Newmommy. ((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
How are you on maternity
How are you on maternity leave with a 10 month old?? I didn't get that last time, either.
Well, I'm not usually "right" this quickly... you two are living single lives. You are NOT living like a married couple. For the record, that doesn't mean geographically... military members can deal with deployments but still "act" married.
You make decisions unilaterally, and think it's "ok" for some reason.
He's doing the same.
And, yes, your marriage is in trouble. It has been for awhile.
PS: Get off maternity leave and get a job. You are likely going to need it.
Depends on the country, I had
Depends on the country, I had 6 months with my first and would have had 12 months with my second if I hadn't moved. But that isn't the point of this blog, just saying, some folks get 18 months depending on the job too.
In Canada we get a year for
In Canada we get a year for maturnity leave
Btw I made the one unilateral decision to only go to 'MILs for 2 days because he decided his plan without me first...yes I know that doesn't make it right but I was mad. Also I have since talked to MIL who asked me to reconsider and spend the entire 4 days with them and I said yes.
I also do have a job, just because I work for my own business doesn't mean I don't have a "job"