I have been searching for some good discussion and just plain venting about being a step parent for the last year. I knew it wouldn't be easy for me. First I lived a happy single life for 31 yrs in another state. My hubby and I met when we were both 28 at a large industry trade show. He lived in the mid-atlantic and I lived in the mid-west. We fell hard for each other very quickly. I knew he was "the one" very early on, I had dated many guys before him so I was pretty confident that, in spite of the very different life he lived, he was the right man for me. We flew or drove back and forth (1200 miles round trip)to spend a weekend with each other about every other month for 3 yrs then, in the forth year, we finally got hitched. The end of 2008 and all of 2009 have been just a blur for me. We got married in Oct '08, then I moved from my life, my dear friends, family and my career to a somewhat unknown life out east to be with my new husband. I also started a new business in the same industry but doing a different job (outside sales so I travel a lot some times of the year) so I have had all the ups and downs of starting a new business in the current economic state. My husband and I have had to adjust to being with each other all the time, not just for a few days every 8 weeks. I have had to get use to my own family not being around and trying to find something good in my new dysfunctional in-law family. The icing on the cake has been having his 10 yr old son with us on weekends and having to deal with the ex.

We have a wonderful life--I love my husband dearly, I couldn't have asked for a better man, he treats me well. We have a wonderful home with many of the things we've been dreaming about.

The transition to having a kiddo around has been a challenge for me. He's generally a good kid. Yet, there's been lots of ups and downs with his school work and general attitude about school, among other things (I think it is a lot of normal 10yr old boy stuff?). There's been lots of his ex bitching about this or that pertaining to our house and the way we do things here.

I struggled a lot with what to say, what not to say, how much to care, how little to care, what battles to pick and what to leave alone, I stress, I worry. I don't love the kid like he's my own but I genuinely care of him and his well being when he's with us, he is half my husband's flesh and blood after all. How can you not care for him when he's in our home for 2 1/2 days?

It is all becoming too much. I try really hard to be a good "step mom" for 2 1/2 days. I think I have come on too strong and am trying to fill a roll that is not mine to fill. When it all shakes out, I have no authority over anything having to do with the kid because he's simply not my kid. No matter what I do to make things nice and comfortable here, the ex will always bitch about something. No matter how many times I try to cover my husband's butt so that the ex doesn't call him to randomly bitch about something when we are in the middle of eating dinner, he will hardly ever realize this.

I need to work on my business more, I need to start calling my friends & family back home more, I need to pick out new paint colors for our home, I need to catch up on a million little things. My husband needs to be the parent more so that I can worry less about things I cannot change. This will be the first weekend in a year+ that I'm just going to let my husband figure things out, keep his own son occupied. If he forgets to do this or that, I have to just move on. If he doesn't enforce bedtimes, then it is his loss to not have quality time with his wife in the evening. If his son gets bored and wants to go back to his mom's, I have to say "let him go back" and not stop what I am in the middle of. All this will be hard for me to do but I know I need to do it. I am really happy to have found this site because I have seen that so many of you have also come to this realization and are moving along pretty well all things considered so I know I can do it to!!