Teenaged fashion
SD15 wants to dye her hair. She's got light brown super-wavy thick hair and fair skin that tans easily.
What color, you ask? Not pink, not blue, not black, not bleached blonde... she wants a deep brunette.
BM will allow her to dye her hair, but only red. (BM is a redhead) Who does that? I see it this way: a) no dye. Period. b) Natural colors only, that are complimentary to your skin tone. c) Do what you want, it's only hair. But to say, "Yes, you can dye it, but only the color *I* want." That's just bizzare to me.
So here's my real question. Am I allowed to take SD15 to get her hair dyed in a color she wants? I told SD15 that I would *if* she got BM's permission. I don't think that permission will be forthcoming. I'm tempted to do it anyway, as I think BM is just being all BPD on SD15.
It's not like SD is 4, or even 10; she's 15, and has her own ideas about her style. She's also not allowed to wear any clothes that aren't eye-searingly bright colors - SD15 prefers black, gray, brown, navy, etc. Dark neutrals that have modest necklines and are reasonably roomy. BM buys her traffic-cone orange skin-tight tank tops, and won't let her buy anything that isn't *tight*. When the girl is 190 lbs, she'd like a little freedom to move, don't you think?
Am I being totally unreasonable, or is BM a whackjob?
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Comments
Asolutely agree! Until this
Asolutely agree!
Until this girl is emancipated or reaches 18 or 19 or whatever is the age of maturity in your state you cannot enable her choice of hair colour.Would you go along with her choosing not to come over and see her father anymore? Because this is the same kind of 'choice' you are letting her make.
Now the clothes she wears at your place are hers to choose. But to deliberately change the colour of her hair????
Why not take a photo of her and use a computer download to experiement with different hair colours online so she can see what it looks like. What she thinks she would like may just be too severe against her skin tone. She may also want to try other hair styles as well.
Ok, first of all YES, BM is a
Ok, first of all YES, BM is a whackjob. Plain and simple. No doubt about it. For her to only allow her to die her hair RED, is strange. What's the difference if it is brown or red. Now, if she asked if she could die it purple and she said NO only natural colors. But to say no brown, only red is strange to say the least. But hey, whatever. She IS the mom.
Second, unfortunately (for you) Echo is right. You can't just take her and get her hair died. Her DAD can. But you... that's just asking for a battle, and why create one over hair color? When SD is 18, then take her to get her hair colored whatever color she wants, but until then... nutty BM has reign over that head of hair unless DH steps in and does it himself.
Nope. Let her dad take her,
Nope. Let her dad take her, and let her dad deal with BM on it afterwards.
I second this... That is
I second this...
That is weird of BM and I actually prefer your thoughts. Although I am a little more liberally and would opt for, do what you want, it's just hair... you can do STREAKS of pink or purple but not the whole thing. But that's just me.
But since she isn't your daughter, it can't be all your rules unfortunately. Who's footing the bill?
I allow my dd13 to put a
I allow my dd13 to put a semipermanent wash in dark brown on her hair. Her hair is medium brown and the darker color looks very natural with her dark complexion. So I allow her to color her hair, but I have told her she is not coloring her hair blonde. (I actually color mine blond so its not that I want her to be like me)-but I feel like her coloring is too dark to go blonde. I would never think of just saying-yep-color it whatever color you want-she's young-doesnt know much about coloring hair and still needs guidance. So if bm wants her to only color red then that's fine-she gets to make those rules!
I know, I know, I have no
I know, I know, I have no rights.
I am just so frustrated on her behalf. Honestly, you all would LOVE this girl - she's warm and loving and absolutely determined to be the best person she can be - while BM seems to want her to be utterly miserable, but won't let her go. She's been asking for this for a year and a half, and I've stuck to my guns of "your mom says no." Her answer to the offer of red was, "I'll skip it until I can get a job (also currently forbidden) and can pay for what I want myself."
How many teenagers out there reject the hoochie clothes? How many are more conservative than you are? Meanwhile, BM is trying to dress her in stripper clothes, all neon skin-tight revealing crap. SD15 doesn't even WANT to wear make up, that BM has been shoving at her since she was 10.
I would be footing the bill, just like I got her a quick (no kidding, 1/4 inch to get rid of the split ends) trim and some high-end conditioning products that actually TAMED her mane over Christmas. There was absolutely no outcry over that.
SD15 has been trained that her dad is "just a guy who doesn't know anything about girly stuff like clothes or hair" when he's a bigger clothes horse than any man I've ever met, and has more shoes than I do. Hair, well... he cuts his own. So she doesn't even think to ask him, and automatically asks me. We've got a good relationship - once she grew out of the spoiled tween phase, it's been smooth sailing.
I just want to spoil her a little - she's really a delight to be around, and gets guilty feelings about us spending $5 on a clearance Gap T-shirt for her.
I feel bad for your SD15! It
I feel bad for your SD15! It is so RARE that kids, especially skids, actually appreciate what you do for them. Why the hell would the BM torture her own daughter and force her to wear makeup & hoochie clothes?!?!? BM is nuts on dictating red, I'm sure its probably so super odd shade of red too. I would drag your DH with you to the appointment and have him 'pay' for it. After all he wants his princess happy right?
I hear ya,, I'd love to do
I hear ya,, I'd love to do anything for my SS just to spite his mother,,
But if it was MY daughter "Hell no" would I want her SM taking her to do that(unless we all got along,in which in some cases people do) (My daughter gets pretty much what she wants she's 13 and already colors her hair), My SS mom does the same crap she sends him here with clothes that are to small(he's a big boy) he ALWAYS needs a hair cut when he gets here(he lives out of state)We send that kid back the same way he came with the same crap he brought,, thats what the monthly checks are for,, not our responsibility to pay for anything extra for him,,, and yes it sucks, I'd love to be able to spoil him, but spoiling him isn't worth the crap with her,,,,