Sick to the back teeth of my bf spoiled kids
Ive been with my bf for 4 years this week, I have 5 kids, he has 2 boys aged 19 and 15, the 19 year old lives with him full time and he has the 15 year old 4 nights per week, we dont live together, my bf stays at my house 2 nights per week, he loves my kids n my kids love him. When I first met my bfs youngest son he was 11 then, I got such a shock when i saw how spoiled, badly behaved and foul mouthed he was, as my own children havent been brought up like that and my bf insist fouled mouthed, hes very polite and easy going, i was so shocked that my bf allowed him to get away with this behaviour especially being so young, giving in to him and pandering to him all the time. We tried to arrange days out etc in the hope his kids would get on with mine but the youngest didint want to do that, called my kids names said he wanted nothing to do with them, which now suits me as I dont want my kids around him seeing that kind of behaviour, he hasnt got any better with age infact hes worse. His older son is now living with him full time and is bleeding him dry, he works but has a drug problem, never has any money, spends it all on green and is basically a foul mouthed ungrateful brat as well. My bf has such a soft nature and its his own fault as he allows them to walk all over him and is too soft to do anything about them, although i dont think they will change now as theyve been allowed to get away with this behaviour for so long its instilled in them. My bf has been split from their mother for over 10 years, hes has other partners before me, one which ive since spoken too who told me that their relationship ended as she couldnt stand his kids and her daughters hated them with a passion. His ex wife, the boys mother is also a massive problem as shes never off the phone, constantly ringing, texting and moaning when she does have the younger one as she carnt cope with him, even when my bf does stay at mine, his kids are on the phone constantly demanding lifts and money or the ex is on the phone moaning, its starting to drive me mad, sometimes i feel like im the mistress and an outsider between the 3 of them demanding his time, people say i should end it but hes such a lovely bloke, too much of a pushover thats the problem but hes a great partner and my kids adore him, im just so pleased we dont live together cos i couldnt cope with his kids, when i look at my future with him, I can see his kids becoming spoiled demanding adults and im not sure if hes worth putting up with them, its really making me depressed, id love to hear from anyone in a similar position or someone thats been in my position.
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Believe me all his negatives
Believe me all his negatives will quickly over ride anything good in your relationship. Imagine living with that daily. He's showing you who he is. A doormat to BM and his kids. And he will FIGHT anyone for that privilege if they try to come between (in order to have a relatively NORMAL life).
I think you answered your own
I think you answered your own question. The writing is on the wall. I would walk away. Trust me, it does not get easier when you move in together.
Just wish he would stand up
Just wish he would stand up to them and not let them walk all over him all the time, I have tried to get on with them but all I get back is nastiness, apparently im the problem as he wants too spend all his time with me, he stays 2 nights a week lol, the younger one told him to do one and go and see his "new family" not long ago that was because hed locked himself out of the house and wouldnt drive back 20 miles when we were having a day out, even though it was a day he should have been at his mothers anyway, even threatened to smash a window unless he dropped everything and came home, for once my bf put his foot down and said no, but i got called because of it, it was all my fault...its like they dont want to see him have a relationship and they see me as some sort of a threat, but thats not the case at all, i knew when i met him he had kids and i know as i have 5 of my own that your kids should always be your priority but these 2 are on another level, my bf suffers from depression and is currently away at the minute at a therapy based relaxation place for stress, and still his kids are ringing demanding phone bills that need paying and money to be transferred etc, ive even explained to the older one why hes away and that hes stressed but its like they dont seem to care. Their mothers a waste of time, i often refer to her as the womb doner as shes got no interest in them what so ever, will happily get rid of them as much as she can, she didint even come and see the younger one on his birthday and she only lives 10 minutes down the road, ive told my bf that he needs to put his foot down and stop allowing them to walk all over him but i know half the time he dosent tell me whats going on, an example of their behaviour: the older boy smashed the screen on his mobile phone, so my bf put in in to be fixed, pays 80 pounds and because the phone werent ready when it were supposed to be, the older ones shouting n screaming in his face, language was choice, says if that were one of mine theyd be paying for it themselves, no way would i be spoken too like that!, ive never been on a forum or anything like this before, the situations just getting me down, its nice to write things down i think and get stuff off your chest, thanks for replying.
His kids ages are 15 and 19,
His kids ages are 15 and 19, and my children do not bleed me dry, My eldest son has his own child lives with his girlfriend, works and does not depend on me for money, my other 4 children earn pocket money by doing jobs around the house such as dishes, doing the garden etc, they have been brought up to respect me and have manners, they see their dad every weekend and he pays for his kids and i have never been dependant on my bf financially, money actually insist the main issue for me its their lack of manners and rude behaviour that is driving me nuts, so no defo not a case of pot meet kettle i can assure you.
I really dont know what your
I really dont know what your problem is, yes all children are a financial obligation to some degree, im not disputing that, as ive explained before its not so much the amount of money being spent on his kids thats the problem, we are both financially well off, its the ungrateful spoiled attitude and how cheeky and foul mouthed they are and how they dont appriciate nothing! Manners are an important part of life, obviously you wouldn't know that as you dont seem to have acquired any, I choose too reward my children by helping in the garden, putting rubbish out etc and if that makes me a bad parent then so be it, there happy earning money for chores, they save up for something they want, its working well and teaching them the value of money and that they carnt run to the bank of mam and dad everytime they see something they want, so your quite welcome to sit in judgement of me all you want, Ive brought up 5 boys and have a grandson... and my kids are well mannered, polite and well behaved, people often comment how polite and well behaved they are, so that in itself tells me im doing a good job, I came on here for advice about whether its worth it to continue the relationship with my bf knowing his horrible brats are gonna be a part of my future, not to be pulled apart and have my parenting skills questioned by some stranger thats obviously full of argument and hate and seriously needs to chill out, your just looking for an argument and im not rising to it anymore because thats want you want and the fact that you are on this site alone tells me that your garden isint that rosey either, so i wouldnt be so quick to judge anyone, have a nice day:) xxx
Im gathering MOTY is an
Im gathering MOTY is an abbreviation for Mother of the year, that I certainly am not, and have never claimed to be, there is no such thing as a perfect mother, you chose to attack me and my parenting skills but that wasnt even the issue anyway, my issue was with my bf s kids lack of manners, the foul language they use and how spoiled they are. I had a look at your previous blogs and i noted that on one blog you mentioned about your partners daughters and what youd bought them for their birthdays and how ungrateful theyd acted, so ironically enough your actually in the same position as me, you too by your account have spoiled ungrateful step children so in actual fact you were probably the perfect person to give me good advice but no you chose to try and belittle me for what? trying the best with my children?....ive met a man finally i truly love but carnt see a future with him because his kids are an asbo nightmare, im really going through hell here, would be nice if you could inbox me some advice...Thankyou xxx
Kind of harsh mustang. If our
Kind of harsh mustang.
If our skids do all their chores, with no lip and do them correctly we will give them a few bucks here and there to let them have some mall money. If her kids are good kids why not reward good behavior. We don't give them money every week so they never know when to expect nor do they ever ask for it.
It seems like her issue is the way they speak to their father, or really we all know the issue is the way the father allows his kids to speak to him but to assume that in order to have your act together as a family means not giving kids money for doing chores is kind of weird.
Yes your right, ive spoken to
Yes your right, ive spoken to him today told him how I feel, told him i carnt stand his kids basically, said hes gonna put his foot down and stop letting them control his life, dating yeah...future dont think so...Thanks x
So much harder when you move
So much harder when you move in together. Don't do it until he completely changes his behaviour. I'd probably keep the relationship as it is for the moment. I see you've had a conversation but it's not enough until it translates to action.