Just looking for some direction
Hello i am new to this site. Little back ground..... my hubby recently was given custody of his son. This poor boys whole life his mom hasn't really been in the picture for him. Like she had custody but never really had him. She just received the child support end of it. Anyways a few months later she had her other kids taken from her and put into foster care. She likes to post on her Facebook about how she is trying as a parent.... but my problem with it is that she will post about how she misses my step son, but will never call to talk to him. My phone receives calls, texts, video chats and our Facebook is open for new messages and Facebook video chats. But she still never attempts. But she will make it out like she is the best mother on planet earth over Facebook. And this irritates me because she will text me once ever 6 months if she can call him... then she calls him once and she is MIA again for however long she feels. Her new boyfriend has been coming around as well from what I hear. Her and grandma are not 100 percent upfront about everything and I often find out things after they have happened. So i guess my question for you all is how would you handle all of this? And if your situation is similar how do you handle all of it? Am i in the wrong to feel some type of way about how she never calls to check on him? And am I wrong in feeling like grandma should no longer be able to pick him up if she cant bring things to my husband's attention right away? Ugh I just have so many feelings. Thank you all in advance for your advice and efforts!!
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Stop looking at BM's facebook
Stop looking at BM's facebook. Yes, it sucks that she acts like Mother of the Year for public consumption when the reality is that she's an absentee mother. Neither you nor your husband can control BM. Unfortunately, she is a crap mother and there is nothing that you can do to make her change.
Is SS in therapy? You might suggest that to your DH.
SS was in therapy, they
SS was in therapy, they signed off on him needing any because he was fine. The sad truth is it's like second nature to him the way that his mother conducts herself. So to him it's like normal behavior. I just feel so bad for him. And my anxiety goes through the roof when she decides to do her disappearing act. I just didnt know if there were ways to help release any anger I'd feel because of her doing this to him constantly. I just want what's best for him.
Please concentrate on your
Please concentrate on your own household and focus on what happens in your own home. Cut out looking at the nonsense BM posts about being MOTY - it is really none of your concern what lies she broadcasts on social media. Do this for your own peace of mind... BM can lie to herself but the damage she is doing to her own poor child will not go unnoticed by your SS.You also can not make BM call or visit SS, so cut out that type of thinking. All you can do is support your husband and stepson. If Grandma is not part of any custody order, and I suspect she is not, your husband can set conditions and limitations on what he expects from and with interactions with her.
I get that it is hard on you. My own SS's mother is pretty much everything you describe: dumped her kid on my xH and took up with her boyfriend. She hardly has seen her own son in the last couple of years, but pretty much rocks the facade of Mother Of The Year to everyone who knows her... Ignore it and do your best to raise your SS. Take the attitude that what BM does is pretty much none of your business unless it directly affects you and your household. Social media postings does not count.
Thank you! The games she
Thank you! The games she plays with this situation is just crazy. And all I want is what's best for my SS. I try my hardest every day to be able to show him what a normal loving household is because he has never really known one. Grandma isnt on a visitation order but because she was more active in his life then his own mother we didnt want to strip that from her when he recieved custody. It's so hard for me to come to grips with the fact that her top priority isnt her son. And I know I cant change that and it's none of my business what's on her SM but i cant help but wonder what could she possibly be doing that's more important then her flesh and blood, and that's where I find myself upset and in trouble is because I looked when I shouldn't have. Being a mother myself I cant imagine a single thing more important then my son. I also know not everyone thinks and prioritizes the same. My heart just hurts for my SS and I want to make sure the rest of his childhood is nothing but love.