Thoughts on child support
What are your thoughts on Child Support? Is it necessary? Do you think the court should be involved to enforce it?
I've been thinking about this topic lately, mainly because my parents are currently fighting eachother for custody of my youngest brother and to be quite honest, I believe it mainly comes down to the fact that neither of them wants to pay child support and I just don't get it. My thought is though, why does anyone have to pay support? If Dh and I split up, I wouldn't consider accepting CS from him. Dd is my child and I would support her because she's MY child. I know Dh would insist on helping me with things she needed just like he did with Bm before she got on welfare and foodstamps (that's when the court got involved and enforced CS) but I wouldn't demand cash from him how Bm did. Maybe I feel that way though because I have my sh*t together? and maybe because Dd was planned? I don't know...
Now don't get me wrong, I know there are dads/moms out there who are sh*tbirds and don't want to contribute their children financially in anyway much less see the kids but that's not who I'm talking about. In those situations I do agree the court should get involved because they should contribute because they helped create that kid. What I'm talking about is moms/dads who just expect to sit on their butts and collect a CS check because they don't want to work and have the court force someone to pay them even though the other parent is willing to split costs and help raise the child financially. Or moms/dads who fight tooth and nail against the other parent getting more time with the kids because they don't want to lose Child support. How is that in the best interest of the child? I just don't get it.
What are your thoughts on this?
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Comments
Ideally this is how it should
Ideally this is how it should be in all situtations IMO. If anything happened between Dh and I, this is what I would imagine us to be like.
I don't understand why there has to be so much drama when it comes to stepfamilies. I mean, I get there are emotions running high and a lot of people don't have the emotional intelligence to keep themselves in check but people shouldn't lose sight that the kids come first. So many people act like the non-custodial owes them because they have children. Bm acts as though CS is for HER and that Dh should be supplying Ss above CS. It's baffling. :?
In our situation, IMO, CS is
In our situation, IMO, CS is a double edged sword. BM has kids 4 days a week we have them 3 but we also have them on every holiday (So pretty much anytime they are off school), but SO pays CS. If he stopped paying CS right now, BM would literally be homeless. She uses the CS money to pay her rent. BUT....If she wasn't receiving the CS, maybe she would use her degree and get a better paying job and be able to pay her own bills. Right now she is working as a bartender, getting CS, free medical and food stamps. I haven't sat down and gone over her budget with her but I can't imagine she is paying more than $400 in out of pocket house expenses every month.
Both parents should be caring for the child 50/50. It's sad when one parent refuses to put in the hard work and share those expenses.
Once in awhile SO will complain about the amount of CS, I just remind him that he's the one that breed with a women after only knowing her two months, but he did know that she already had two kids and no job. Surprise, surprise...Your EXW doesn't want work hard and support herself and her kids.
I hear ya about it being a
I hear ya about it being a double edged sword. If Dh stopped paying support Bm would have zero income and would have absolutely no means of taking care of Ss. However in that case my thoughts have always been, why not give up custody? ya know?
Haha, Dh get pissed when I remind him that all the stress/drama is simply because he refused to wrap it up!!!
Your plan would have killed
Your plan would have killed my son's dad. Cost of living in NYC (where my son and I live) is much higher than it is in Raleigh (where son's dad lives). Once I moved back here, my income increased drastically. That allowed the amount of CS he was required to pay to decrease by more than 50%. He also didn't have to pay the court ordered health insurance because I was able to get free free family health and dental through my union. Not all CPs are out to stick it to the NCP.
I’m with you 100% on the 50/50.
50/50 is baffling to me as
50/50 is baffling to me as well. I don't understand why CS is still required when parent's have 50/50. :?
lovemyselffirst, I cannot
lovemyselffirst, I cannot understand as well why your DH has to pay a penny...
My Ex is ordered to pay CS.
My Ex is ordered to pay CS. He doesnt though. So I pay for everything anyways. I would be paying for everything if it was ordered or not. Ex just doesnt care to pay for his son.
At least with it being orderded its some sort of "accountability" for him. One day it will catch up with him.
Years ago I went out with a
Years ago I went out with a guy that was WAY behind on his CS. He got a job as a contractor for the Air Force and was being sent to Afghanistan. Before he could leave (I don't know what agency was enforcing this) he had to pay ALL of his outstanding CS.
Possibly due to this being a
Possibly due to this being a job with the government. The background checks include financial. Paying the outstanding CS may have been a requirement for him to get the job.
My only hope is that my Ex
My only hope is that my Ex wins the lotto or gets left some kind of inheritance.
He hasnt filed his taxes in probably 4 years. Every.single.year he tells me he filed them, just for me to realize he didnt, and I ask him about it then he finally fesses up that he didn't.
He works as a server so I do get some CS. It's suppose to be $300 p/m but I get like .36 cents, $3.00, $2.50 every couple of weeks. Its up to him to make up the difference but he won't.
He owes me $11,000 and CS has only been ordered for the past 3 1/2 years.
What a jerk. If he were to
What a jerk.
If he were to win the Lottery, more than likely, he would have someone else claim the money for him.
Oh yeah I'm sure. But if he
Oh yeah I'm sure. But if he won enough, I think he would pay off the CS.
I'm so used to it now. I dont ever expect it. About a month ago I got $38! It was like I got $3800!
I even filed for a review to have it readjusted, since our incomes (and jobs) have dramatically changed since CS was first ordered. I got all my paperwork together, sent it in. Ex didnt even bother to send in any paperwork. Just ignored it. Even though it would have benefitted him. Just goes to show, no matter what, he has no intentions of paying it.
This to me is disgusting.
This to me is disgusting. that sucks that you have to deal with that. I couldn't imagine having a child and just having any interest in helping raise that child. Crazy.
I just look at him as a
I just look at him as a babysitter honestly. He has zero input when it comes to raising our son. I do it all. Every decision has been up to me to make. I ask him his opinion every now and then but basically its all up to me, because its going to affect me.
Every once in awhile he will ask me to get BS, so then BS will go and stay with him. Or if I want to do something, then I ask him to keep BS. It usually works out every 6-8 weeks. Sometimes more, sometimes less. He sees him more on the holidays and during summer break though.
.36 cents. Not worth the
.36 cents. Not worth the admin work to even send it to you. (and what happened to the cent symbol that used to be on typewriters.
)
LOL- not sure what happened
LOL- not sure what happened to the cent symbol. I was at the dentist yesterday and I swear I thought I heard the receptionist typing on a type writer!
Lack of sense...
Lack of sense...
I hear that! BioMonster will
I hear that! BioMonster will be in a world of hurt when the CS dries up!!
Bm here too. I always wonder
Bm here too. I always wonder if she is doing any financial planning because 11 years is going to come fast and I'm curious what she is going to do once CS stops.
BioMonster has a low paying
BioMonster has a low paying job and gets welfare. Thanks to all the CS that DH pays and the SS that Spawn7 gets on account of her deceased alcoholic dad, BM makes a house payment and 3, yes THREE, car payments. Must be bloody nice.
Same here with Bm. It's a
Same here with Bm. It's a lose lose.
I have my shit together, I
I have my shit together, I get CS from ExH.
In the cases of deadbeat parents yes I see the need. I also see the weight lifted from this with two people getting divorced and but still wanting to coparent together. At least IMO money is a subject of many fights, disputes, resentment, whatever. When there is a system which tells the NCP this is what you need to give, and tells the CP this is what you're getting then they can't really argue about the money. It isn't the either of there decision what is payed or when. He can't get mad at her, she can't get mad at him.
Even with all my shit together my three kids are very expensive to raise and provide for. The CS does help with their needs. If I want to pay for somehting extra then I do. If he wants to pay for something extra then he does. ExH and I have disagreed on a great many things though out our divorced lives, but money has never been an issue.
I dunno. I'm not entirely
I dunno. I'm not entirely convinced income shouldn't be taken into account - maybe ESPECIALLY in 50/50.
Hypothetical: Say you've got a couple who was married for 20 years, the youngest kid is 10. Mom and Dad decided when she first got pregnant 18 years ago that she would be a stay at home mom. Dad's a high-paid executive, they don't need the second salary, and they agree they don't want their kids in day care. When the youngest turned 6, Mom got a part time job during school hours. It's crap money, but it's not really *for* the money.
One day Dad comes home and says he's been diddling his secretary for years, and now he's finally leaving to be with her. He moves out, taking his high-paying salary with him and leaving Mom with her crap-salary part-time job.
They're both good parents, they both have good relationships with the kids. Kids do week-on/week-off custody.
Mom looks for full time work with better pay, but nobody is calling her back when her resume consists of one part-time job over the last 20 years.
Should the money to care for the children - food, medical expenses, insurance, clothing, etc etc etc - still be split 50/50? When up until this point, Dad has paid, say, 95% of it by his own choice? Does he really get to say that because he doesn't want to be married to their mother any more, that should effectively lower his obligation to his kids?
I dunno. I suspect each situation is unique, and there isn't one "right answer".
damn you allyskoo for
damn you allyskoo for throwing that wrench in!!! :::Shakesfist::: lol.
I can see CS being imputed even if there is 50/50 in that situation. It's such a tough subject.
What you describe would be a
What you describe would be a case for alimony.
CS should be close to what each parent was contributing prior to divorce...but only for a set amount of time with the stipulation that the inexperienced worker be ordered to be able to take on their (most likely the BM) own expenses after a specific date.
That would give that parent time to plan, get the training or schooling needed and get prepared to be responsible for their needs. If the parent failed to do so, custody should then go to the parent who is financially responsible.
Each and every case has different circumstances but that's how I would do it if I were a judge.
That is a very harsh thing to
That is a very harsh thing to assume about SAHM's (I have not bios so I'm not one myself).
But....my little sister was a SAHM for 14 years and NEVER sat on her ass. She took care of their four kids, her skid and her H and their pets. She arranged play-dates, helped her H with his business, was active in her church and cooked dinner every night.
Calm down now...we all know
Calm down now...we all know what LadyFace meant here.
Most intelligent women want to be self-supporting and not have to "depend" on anyone else for their comfort and security.
If a SAHM accepts their husbands suggestion to not work outside the house and that woman doesn't have any skills, she's setting herself up for failure if her husband ever wants out of the marriage.
I am calm and I'm just not
I am calm and I'm just not part of the collective mind meld that knows exactly what she meant.
My sister is intelligent, thank you very much.
You're assuming a lot about the SAHM. Wow.
You made an assumption that I
You made an assumption that I was assuming SAHMs weren't intelligent. All I stated is it doesn't leave a SAHM many choices if she doesn't have a way to support herself and her children if needed if she doesn't have the skills to do so.
"Each and every case has
"Each and every case has different circumstances" - TOTALLY agree with that!
Take me though, just as an example. I make about twice what my DH makes. He's in construction and I got a MS in computers. *shrug* He's NEVER going to make what I make, and I'm OK with that. Correspondingly, I pay a greater percentage of the household bills, including the support of our bio kids. Again, I'm fine with that, and I got married KNOWING that was going to be true.
So if we get divorced, why should I get to change the rules? Do I really get to go in front of a judge and say that we should get 50/50 custody and therefore the amount that I currently pay towards the support of my kids should be lowered? Maybe. I dunno, maybe that WOULD be fair. To me, anyway. But I don't think I'd do it, because I wouldn't think it was very fair of me to my kids. "Sorry kids, I know a couple years ago I would have just paid for you to play soccer over the summer. But now Dad's required to pay half and he can't afford it." I'd pay it anyway - because I can, because I'd done it before, because honestly it's what *I* would consider fair.
Oh, and I would be PISSED THE HELL OFF if I had to pay my DH alimony! I don't pay his bills NOW, I just pay a higher percentage of our shared bills. He's an adult and can take care of himself, fuck me if some judge thinks I should "continue to support him in the lifestyle to which he's become accustomed"!!
So then there's no problem.
So then there's no problem. You and your husband most likely wouldn't need the court system. Just because you're divorcing doesn't mean CS has to go through the courts (unless a parent is on assistance) and you would give as much, maybe more than you did prior to the breakup.
The debate here is about parents who don't want to be responsible.
Great comment! I agree that
Great comment! I agree that there should be some sort of set standard for CS. I also think there should be some way to verify how it's being used. I know someone who pays support for their kids yet the grandparents have custody of children and mom lives in another location and uses the funds to pay for her car that she can't drive because of a DWI. Yep dad should be trying to get custody but that's another story. ::eyeroll::
I think the default scenario
I think the default scenario should be 50/50 custody with no child support. Any deviations from that standard should be based on some sort of equation that considers combined parental income, parenting time, who pays insurance, and other "credits" toward the total obligation. The total child support obligation should be split by both parents with these factors thrown in.
Our state is kind of like that except for the default 50/50 custody. The courts still seem pretty biased towards giving women more parenting time than men. Thus, men end up paying child support more often. The penalties are also higher for men who default than for women who default.
I can see some glimmers of fairness worked into the system but when the mindset of the public (and judges) is still stuck in the 1950s, men still get raked over the coals in CS/custody cases.
Oh yeah, and then there are people like BM and DH who don't follow state guidelines. DH couldn't bear to go through the process any longer. Our state is one of the more difficult ones to get divorced in. BM fought the divorce tooth and nail so DH was ready to sign anything that would help him get away from her faster. He ended up with 50/50 custody but he paid 100% of the basic child support obligation leaving BM to pay 0%. I was happy when he went to EOWE because it was a bit more fair that way but his is still paying more than the courts would have ordered him to pay.
CS should be paid when there
CS should be paid when there is something other than 50/50 custody arrangements.
Regardless of how put together the CP may be, if the NCP doesn't have 50/50 then they should be paying CS to the CP. Why?? Because raising kids is fucking expensive.