Question on behalf of DH
So DH knows that I blog/frequent this site and usually he's on the fence about how he feels about the site but sometimes he'll get frustrated with something bm/ss related and will ask me to reach out and ask what you guys think, usually I don't follow thru but thought I would on this...
Anyway, to the question, we got SS on Dec 26, yes the day after Xmas for Dh's visitation. MIL picked up Ss for DH so instead of SS coming to our house right away he went to MIL's to open gifts. As soon as we got there we greet SS and what not and Dh says to SS something like "I can't wait to get to our house so you can open the gifts we have there for you, we have lots of gifts for you!." to which Ss5 replies "so, I got more gifts at my mommy's." I was tending to DD so I didn't hear ss. Dh just seemed upset and kept telling Ss5 that he was going to stay at MILs for the night because he couldn'topen his presents at which point I asked Dh what was going on and he told me. Like I said in my previous post I have been feeling like "your kid your problem" with Ss5 since having my baby girl so I didn't really respond, I just commented to Dh that Ss is ungrateful. In the end we DID take Ss home and he opened his gifts even though he had a shitty attitude about it. Dh was curious though if your skids have attitudes like this and how do you handle it? He wants his son to be thankful but he feels like he doesn't seem him enough to make an impact. I told Dh last night that we should have donated all Ss's gifts after what he said to show him that he isn't entitled to anything and gifts are a privilege. Dh said that was too harsh and no child should have their gifts taken away like that, maybe I'm too hardcore? I know for damn sure if DD ever said anything like in the future I'd donate her gifts too. I don't like overly entitled ungrateful people much less overly entitled ungrateful kids.
What do you guys think about this? how would you have handled it? is it normal for a 5 year to have an attitude like this? SIL has a parenting book that says that kids are selfish and cannot grasp others feelings until age 7 and so she and MIL told DH that the behavior is normal but I call bullshit on that, when I was 5 years old I was thankful for anything I got.
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if you would have followed
if you would have followed through on what you wanted to do, I guarantee this problem would have been nipped in the bud. it doesn't take long for a 5 year old to understand this. one, maybe two times. and your dh screwed up by not following through on what he'd said about not going home to open presents. he's teaching his kid to not believe in promised punishments and is setting YOU up for a world of heartache. he and his family is wrong. I've seen MANY 5 year olds show compassion. this kid is becoming spoiled.
yeah, it may not help with
yeah, it may not help with others, but I guarantee he'd think twice before doing this to your dh again, whether he's there twice a month or once a year.
So it isn't too harsh to
So it isn't too harsh to donate gifts right?? Dh says it's so cruel to do this to a child but in my mind it's the best thing TO DO so that children can learn to be grateful, which in the end is what matters. To feed into it just sets up for failure in the future, imo anyway.
I strongly agree that Ss is becoming very spoiled. To add to it he kept asking when we would be going to my brothers house and once we got there he started looking around and seen a gift and asked who it was for, I know for sure he was asking to go over and looking around because he thought he was due a present there too. i had to remind him that he had already opened my brother gave him because it was at our house when he opened his gifts. after that he started asking when we were going home. its like hes starting to have an attitude that everyone owes him a gifts.
I definitely would call BS on
I definitely would call BS on that one. He is a spoiled brat and as such he is acting accordingly. Is that a legit excuse for his actions/words? HELL NO! But he is acting that way bc he is ALLOWED/ENABLED to. He is, imho, just hitting the age where he knows right/wrong on some level and how to behave as well.
If it were my skid/kid, I would have said that if he EVER gave me an attitude like that about Xmas/bday gifts and the like ever again; then next time he would NOT be receiving anything...and follow thru with it! That is the key to it all! Once a kid SEES and KNOWS that you mean business they are LESS likely to repeat the action.
But I'd have a hard time not wanting to smack the brat for that one... }:)
Spoiled brat. SD6 would have
Spoiled brat.
SD6 would have gotten a butt beating.
He's stupid for letting him open the gifts.
edit to add: I agree with above, BM probably told him "Oh I get you way more gifts than your dad" or something of that nature.
I want to say thank you to
I want to say thank you to everyone who responded. I gave Dh all the feedback ya'll gave and he was thankful. He agrees now that we should have donated the gifts and in the future if Ss exhibits ungrateful behavior that we will donate the gifts and he admitted he was in the wrong for not following thru with any type of action to discipline his son for his rudeness. Im glad he asked me to post this and took the criticism constructively instead of getting angry and acting like I was wronging his son like he has in the past a few times. Thank you thank you!!
I also keyed him into the fact that Bm is probably PASing... I just don't really know where to go from here on that, is there really any way to fight back against PASing??