Soiled stepson
I'm currently 6 months pregnant with my boyfriends child. He hasn't gotten our son much except for a car seat, stroller and diapers. That's only after I had an argument with him about it. He recently got his tax return and basically spent it spoiling his 8 year old son. He got him a laptop which was probably worth a few hundred dollars, fish and a fish tank for about $600, a Nintendo Switch for $300 and opened a college savings account for him. I feel like he is more focused on his son since his divorce in August and uses money as a way to coddle his son after the divorce. He is afraid of saying anything to his son regarding discipline and always says things like " you're not in trouble" and " I love you" which I feels undermines his authority when his son does something he doesn't like. Yet, when my baby annoys him he says things like " Someone is going to get a spanking." That shit annoys me because he is showing favoritism to his child only.
- Mschmid02's blog
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We've all made mistakes.
Sounds like another case of a divorced dad who jumped right into a new relationship instead of working on himself, taking time to help his son adjust to the new norm, and living life as a single parent for a while.
You hardly know this guy you're having a child with, and are starting to see who he really is: a dad filled with divorce guilt who makes poor decisions and leaps before he looks. Maybe he's afraid to be alone, or just isn't that into you. Do you honestly see a furture with him?
You have to do what's best for you and your baby. What that looks like is up to you, but filing for child support should be on your radar.
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I was told I couldn't have children naturally. My first son is an ivf baby so I didn't think it would happen after 4 years of trying with my late husband. The fact that he is divorced recently doesn't really matter right now. Everyone moves forward in their life at a different pace. It doesn't mean that mean that we don't have a good relationship overall. We are stuggling as a blended family because it is all new to us. My goal is to make this work for the sake of our son so that I won't have to create more drama resulting in going to court. He already has enough on his plate already with the ex-wife and I have been through enough life altering events myself.
He is threatening to spank a 5 month old?
He is threatening to spank a 5 month old? Does he ever follow through? If so, you need to end this relationship now.
Did you follow through with the advice you were given before about filing for child support for your unborn baby now?
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No, he doesn't follow through. I can't file until the baby is born so of course not.
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We are still together, but if we ever separate I will definitely pursue this route. There hasn't been any physical abuse towards my child. He said that out of anger because he was trying to work, but he knows that he would be in hot water if he ever touched my son. I would call the police and DCS. He would be in danger of losing his own son if that ever happened.
I would definitely apply for
I would definitely apply for CS since it doesn't sound like he is going to be responsible for your unborn child.
The excessive spending on SS8
The excessive spending on SS8, to me, shows that your partner has poor decision making skills. Despite a history of what looks like bad decisions all around, you will have to ensure your new baby is provided for. Take whatever steps you can, and don't rely on him to make decisions that are best for everyone involved until he proves he can do it.
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He budgeted these things out for his son and put money into investments. I get he wants to make his son happy, but not once did he ask me about buying anything for our baby that we need. I have a lot of clothes that were donated to me for my son. I also have most baby things I need. However, there are a few necessities we still need to get. We briefly discussed that we need a dresser for his room, but that's about it. A lot of his time is taken up by getting his son into therapy and sending BM e-mails regarding their sons schooling etc. That's fine and is a part of co-parenting. Yet, he is constantly on OurFamilyWizard dealing with the latest parenting issues. I'm expected to just give him the occasional update on my pregnancy.
This may seem off topic, but
This may seem off topic, but bear with me: I have a friend, a cop wife who got that knock on her door in the middle of the night telling her she was a widow. Their child was only five at the time.
My friend is a strong, educated, successful woman, but of course she struggled after her husband was murdered. About eighteen months later, she met a man, and thought she'd found safe harbor. However, she soon found herself pregnant and abandoned. It's been over a decade since then, and she admits that she had no business becoming involved with anyone at that stage in her grieving process.
OP, here you're on StepTalk because you're unhappy. It sounds as if you've been through some exceedingly difficult stuff in the past few years. Is it possible the man you're with isn't Mr. Right? Have you considered getting some couples therapy to help? It seems you've both brought baggage to the relationship, and your bf especially doesn't sound anywhere close to ready to move forward to the next chapter with you and the baby. He's still in the throes of the immediate aftermath of divorce, and figuring out how to be a single parent.
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I feel like this comments is the most accurate assessment of my life. Do I think I'll be abandoned? No, I think that he is prioritizing his son and divorce issues right now due to fear that he'll lose his son. He spent the last 10 years with this woman and their child. I can imagine how hard it is to disconnect from that and realize that he has other things going on in his life. I think couples therapy is a great idea.