I don't think I can ever get over it. That's just me. I am sad that you are almost as "making excuses" such as "we were not doing well" type stuff...there is no excuse even if he hated your guts...there is no excuse. Please, do NOT even think of saying that again. No matter what, if you had issues, he should have then left...not cheated. That's 100% on him and not you.

Honestly I think it would have to depend on the emotional connection. Was it just sex or was it a relationship? I would NEVER tell my FDH but if it was just sex I might be able to forgive, a relationship, however would be a deal breaker.

I definitely would not be able to get over it. Its a total lack of respect on his part and if he wanted to cheat he should have left. Instead he tried to have it both ways. I would never be able to trust him again. I would rather live alone than live a life of wondering if and when it will happen again. I think you deserve better.

Yes, this is not the way it is done. You break up with someone if your not happy, then you move onto someone else. Too many times guys are just trying out the other person, trying not to rock the boat at home, because maybe the fling will or won't work out. But if someone respects you, they will do it the right way. He's a jerk, you need to move on without him, let him have his fling, but you stay out of it and move on with your life. Don't give him any more of your time. What is the saying that Dr Phil says, 'whats worse than staying in a bad relationship for a year, staying in a bad relationship for 1 year and a day.

For me, cheating is my most certain dealbreaker. I would not be able to deal with the questions that would roll through my head when he is 2 minutes late coming home from work, or when he would miss a phone call. Even the most innocent & unavoidable things would send me reeling & it would make me crazy.

The way my mind works, I would never be able to give 100% to someone who cheated.

I can say that I have been in your shoes. And worked thru it. But the lack of trust in the relationship will never truely recover. And I agree with whoever else said it, if it was just sex that's easier than a full blown relationship, at least to me.

I can't say why I choose to move forward from it. But I can say it was a very difficult time. Time does heal old wounds. At this point he does so many other things to piss me off that that just doesn't seem so terrible anymore. How horrible is that?

I won't excuse his behavior but I do think he is programed to deal with sex differently than most, almost an adictive type thing. If you want to hold onto the relationship it will be hard, and it may change the dynamics but it may end up stronger. Don't feel pressured to react in anyway other than what feels right to you, it's your life, you have to live with your decisions.

Personally I couldn't get over it. like stormabruin said, I would question everything as well. But the part that bothers me the most about this situation is that he can't even look at you and tell you he's so sorry and loves you and wants to work this out and made a huge mistake!!!! Thats effed up. I know it's gonna be really hard for you but you would be better in the long run without him. Just my opinion if he's not that sorry now and you stick with him, you will get cheated on again....and again. Do yourself a favor and get out. You deserve much MUCH better and a man who truly loves you and is commited and faithful to you. Good Luck

no one can tell you whether or not you should leave your marriage. If i were you i would go stay with a friend for awhile. Dont contact asshole. spend some time away from him and then make your decision. You cant decide anything right now, youre too upset and in the midst of everything. In the meantime, separate your accounts, get your nails done, go to the tanning salon, get a massage, go shopping, go for a run, listen to your favorite music.

Honestly I'd leave. I've been in 2 serious relationships where I found out my BF cheated and I tried to make it work but then I ended up cheating on them because I didn't trust them anymore and I guess I figured if he did it, why can't I? All bad reasons..I look back now and think I should've just left. In the end we broke up anyways because neither one of us could really get over it. I should've just saved myself a lot of time and pain. If I found out my SO cheated on me now, I'd just leave instead. Im never putting myself through that ever again.

After trying for 2 years it was finally a deal breaker to me.. I could never fully trust him again and always wondered where he was or why he could not answer the phone. It was just too stressful and the hurt never really left. It hurt when I finally left and I went through months of hell but now I am with someone I dont have to constantly think about it with; however its always in the back of my mind because I remember how bad it hurt. It pisses me off because I dont want to carry that onto my new FDH because he didnt do anything wrong.

Everyone is different I couldn't handle it (of course I did a lot of psycho crazy behavior when I found out and found out how bad his cheating had been) there was advice I got that came to late that might of changed the outcome. Go no contact. None, don't call him, don't text him DON'T chase him. That just tells them that they have control over you and in a cheaters mind they get an ego boost from the "chase" Move on with your life plan for your future don't play the what if game it'll eat you up. Do things for you just you. Get a new hobby (or spend more time on one you have) take dance lessons (so much fun, keeps you exercising which helps you feel better, and a way to make new friends) Don't confide in people who if you work it out will continue to judge your DH or you for YOUR choices.
You can't make him choose, but you can make your own choices. Affairs only survive in the dark as secrets if the other woman has a SO tell them give them all the details you have but don't expect them to love you for it they will have their own pain to deal with.
Hugs to you from a survivor of affairs my marriage didn't but I did and that's was the best outcome for me. Remember forgiveness is a choice.

oh and if you both decide to fix your marriage you better bet he will have to agree to go no contact with her, and change jobs (letting HR know helps some say that's wrong but I've seen it be a big help for others) or switch jobs, you should also have all passwords put a keylogger on pc's and have 24/7 access to his cell.

My only question is this: what do YOU want? I think figuring out what you want is the first step. That will decide what comes next.