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Adult Stepkids

MrsS's picture

Submitted by MrsS on Sun, 03/07/2021 - 10:21pm

 

I married My wife one year ago. She has two AC. One is high functioning autistic. The other was just diagnosed with MS. They both live at home. My wife told me the day we got married that they would live with us for a while and I was OK with that. But there have been issues and now her children dislike me very much. There have been nights when I was drinking that her children have overheard me talking about them and how I feel they need to mature and be more responsible. Her children both work both pay her rent and are very respectful. They are very angry with me for the way they feel I talk to their mother. They say I treat her very disrespectful. The way I talk to her is the wayWe are. She understands I'm just a graph person. I want them to move out. She says her son is not ready and now does not feel her daughter is quite ready yet either. We had a disagreement over the weekend. They went to stay with their dad temporary because they said they did not feel safe here with me when I drink because I talk about them and they feel like their mom is being verbally abused. My wife is very upset with me and says she doesn't know what to do because she can't live with her kids feeling this way. She says she does not want to have to choose between me and her kids. But I feel if she loved me like she should I would come first. And I feel her kids have an entitlement problem and need to grow up and leave and let us have our time together.

Comments

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 03/08/2021 - 6:15am

Normally I'd be all on board for adult stepkids moving out, but in this case, you agreed to them living there, apparently without any planned end date. Also it sounds as if you have a drinking problem, and are mean when drinking. I'd suggest you focus on your own issues right now. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Mon, 03/08/2021 - 7:36am

It sounds like your SKs only seem to have an issue when you are drinking and the way you behave when you are drinking.

If you want to save your marriage, perhaps you may want to examine your role in your marital issues instead of focusing on SKs. 

Other people including SKs can place stress in a relationship.  But if you have a solid relationship and your partner was happy she wouldn't be considering ending the relationship because of anything SKs said or did. 

Crspyew's picture

Submitted by Crspyew on Mon, 03/08/2021 - 8:29am

Not the worst situation. It sounds like you get mean when you drink and verbally abuse your wife to the extent her kids are fearful for her & themselves.  Not sure what you mean by "graph person", but foul dismissive language is never acceptable, ever.

please address your drinking.  Your wife has a third option, which is to put herself first.  I certainly would not sign up for a future with some one who drinks and gets mean.  

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Mon, 03/08/2021 - 10:12am

My exH was verbally abusive and wouldn't address it because "that's just the way he is" and he wasn't going to change to suite me. Fine. It's still abuse and I eventually got out.

I don't know from what you've written if you are verbally abusive or not, but it seems the adult children think it disrespectful at a minimum. It is certainly worth examining in an honest and open way.

I'm all for adult kids moving out on their own, but I don't think they're the real issue here.