DO ANY OF YOUR SK's HAVE A CONNIVING
No matter what the age: way of shhmmoozing DH/BF/SO for instance sitting in between you and DH/BF/SO on the couch or using this sugary sweet, fake a** baby voice DAAAAADDDDYYYY!!! The SS is 4.5 yrs, and has very limited verbal skills, but is very good at how shall I say "c*ck blockin'" every chance he gets.. It may be a little jealousy on his part and I will have to admit on my part too.. DH picks him up hugs him and says, "come on now, you know you're my #1" and I just can't help but cringe- is it just the spoiled brat in me? I guess I just don't like to share sometimes.. is it horrible that I'm always elated when it's time to drop him back off?
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Attention
Mine is the opposite end of the spectrum. My FSS6 wants all attention all the time from anyone, even me. I do get extremely irritated. I think your SS may just be seeking attention from anyone and he knows his dad will give it to him and baby him. They're good little maniuplators.
As a child of divorce and a stepmom,
here is my perspective.
As a child of divorce, I think he's just wanting some attention because he doesn't see his dad as much as he would like, and I don't think he's doing it to irritate you on purpose. I can remember feeling the same way as your SS. So, my dad used to take me on "father-daughter dates" where we'd get an ice cream or go out to eat. But, my dad also combined that with family events where he, my stepmother and I would go out to eat, see a movie, etc. He would also be affectionate to my stepmother in front of me- not overly affectionate- just a kiss and/or hug every now and then.
As a stepmother myself, I look back and think my dad had a good idea. By showing affection to both me and my stepmother, nobody felt left out and everyone felt equally important. My DH now does the same thing- does "father-daughter dates" with each of his girls and also planning family events in which everyone has a say and showing affection to me. And the two of us still go out every other week for a date. So everybody feels important, and it alleviated a lot of jealousy on both my part and my SDs parts. I think the key to making it work for everyone is to show EVERYONE affection and not leave anyone out.
Anon,
Anon,
Indeed, it sounds like your dad was a very smart man...I think alot of these feelings by both step parent and child have to do with finding their places in a new situation or family. They both need to feel loved and wanted by the object of their affection...
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted
Try watching a 17, almost 18 yo sd do it!
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Talk about wanting to :barf: Christmas. I look over at H. SD17 has HERSELF CURLED UP IN A BALL, SQUISHING HER BOD ONTO HIS LAP!
Disgusting. Sickening.
So, I have a plan. SD17 now has a new bf. I'm going to make sure I turn the conversation to her sitting on daddys lap next time bf is around. Don't think she'll appreciate that!
maybe u shud just go sit on her BF's lap
next time she brings him around.
how would that be??
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Too funny, Bella!
That is totally what I was going to suggest! Although it's one thing to cross that line between daughter and daddy, but it may be illegal between stepmom and boyfriend!
actually, us SMs arent "family" anyway
to alot of these skids, so i dont think theres anything inappropriate about it at all!
but im fiesty, so what do i know?
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
bewitched
Good for you, I know that will get too her.
Sometimes I think it is good to turn the table and let them feel the pain. }:)
Gross!
Why does your H allow that? That's not appropriate.
BW, even better
lay it on thick for her new BF! I would try to bond so instantly with him! I bet she'd hate that!! LOL!!
Actually, that picture has happened more than once
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
And it's one of the things, that tho H has been somewhat easier to get along with lately, it's one of the things that make me so determined to succeed-to get thru this schooling, do well, get on my own. Because I am not going to spend the rest of my life watching this kind of crap.
stl123 asked why he allows it...Good question. One that leads to a road I don't even want to go down.
Oh the sign of things I can expect to enjoy in the future
SD always brags how BM LOVES SD's BFs. Rather "just friends" to us, but we know they are he BFs from her friends or my sons.
Anyway, I have been wondering about her current girl infatuation. Meaning the BPD thing of idolizing one friend in particular, but much like she did about me in the beginning. And the current one we really like. A lot. She's the BBall friend I keep mentioning, that is respectful (ie Suckup to SD) of adults, and is very grounded, while silly and 14 at the same time. I hear that her mom LOVES SD, b/c SD is "just like" her friend at their house. That's another BPD thing- chameleon because they have no center, or core, themselves. Wonder if friend's mom has noticed how SD wears her hair, clothes and laughs like friend when she's with her too.
It bothers SD that we like friend, but I think she has figured out that if friend is involved in something, (who has parents that supervise, haven't spoiled her with materialism- and haven't caved on the cell phone thing like us) that we are likely to say yes unless SD gives us a reason not to.
So what's gonna happen when that's a BF. B/c you know, she may latch onto a bad boy, but when she finds that limits her ability to see him, she may go for a saint so we trust him with her.
Hmmmm....let's hope. I will take any positive I can get, if it means she's around people who peer modify her behavior.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
must be a common skid problem
cuz I've got it too. SS12 tries to act like a baby and sit on the couch between fh and myself. He's done that a couple of times where I've just left the room. Of course Fh and I fight about it and I lose because I'm always wrong(sigh!). But now that we're in therapy it's much better and fairer. Fh acts like (gasp!) a parent and tells ss12 to move, yadda,yadda,yadda....he just does says things to get him to move and understand that our together adult time is important, and our relationship is important(I know, gasp again!lol)
Therapy has been enormously beneficial in getting Fh to see when I've been right(although he'd treated me like I was wrong) and in helping Fh parent in a better fashion and come to grips with his guilt parenting and whatnot. Certainly we're not cured, but things are on the improve.
Don't feel bad bout how the skids are behaving...appropriate parenting and some therapy can help it along.
Common yes
Teapot -do you have my SS? Mine is a little older-but would not share his Dad at 14-we had to institute "adult time" -he sat there hanging off his Dad and of course had to be reminded to go do something-gasp! Entertain himself and stop hanging all over Daddy-I heard about this with SD's -BUT NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAMS thought a SS would be like that-creepy!
DH finally saw it and had to do some serious damage control-how Zippy's BP's infantized this kid is unbeleivable!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
my sd
did that but she was alot older she was 10 years old but dh always knew what she was trying to do and told her to stop.She would walk through our hands if we wer holding hands or ask me why i was sitting so close to dh things like that but dh spoke up and it didnt go on for to long.
My SD8 makes me want to
:barf: every time she calls out for "da da."
Every time we watch a movie DH and I like to cuddle... well. SD8 will jump on us and wriggle around until she's between the both of us and she is all over DH.
Or... we'll put her to bed, and DH and I will be in our room... and SD8 will barge into the room and cry "DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA!!!! waaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaa!!!!!! DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA!!!!!!"
... Sigh.
This child is 8 years old yet she acts like she's 2.
Ugh!
da da at 8?
WTF?
Disgusting.
Isn't it?
SW, look out! You've got a younger version of SD17 in the making
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
I don't know how long you've been married, but suggest you put a stop to this now...it gets worse as they get older. Picture this-a 17 1/2 y.o. girl BAWLING on the phone because H bought "bling" shoes for her younger sister (now, it's not like this kid has no clothes-she's got TONs of clothes, TONS of shoes). So, instead of telling her she is acting like a jealous three year old, H goes out and buys the infamous matching shoes for himself and SD17.
At 8, your skid is young enough to intervene with this behaviour, and old enough to know that you and your H won't put up with it.
There's not much I can do about SD17-except avoid being around her and H as much as humanly possible, and argue with him about things after the fact. She'll be 18 in May-a young adult. There will be no me changing her at this point in time.
I think
if a 17 yo sits on her dads lap that is just WRONG!!hopefully she doesnt do it in public people will get the wrong idea.I cant even imagine that.
sounds like DH's sister
DH's 27 year old sister (actually his half neice but was raised by his parents) does this crap with the men in the family..I havn't been around her for almost 6 years but I recall all to well and hear that she still does it..I'm sure it's even more nauesating now that she is married with a kid..
Everytime she is around the men in the family she will revert to acting like a "baby" and use this cutesy little girl voice. She has to be sitting in their laps are right next to them..She even refers to herself as their "baby sister"..It's really disgusting to watch..
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted
SD16 and the "sing-songy" Da-deeeeee
It makes me want to PUKE! She's actually almost 17.
But it's only when she wants something, of course- which is like EVERY DAY.
Even the youngest SD13 stopped calling him "Daddy" by age 8.
It's just a ploy for attention and to get what she wants.
And it usually works. The best was when she sent him her Christmas list this past year via text/pic message. It came in first with a "cutesy" picture of him and her from years ago when she was a baby and he was holding her, complete with music playing in the background- just the sentimental BS she knows gets to him! :barf: :barf:
And of course, THEN the LOOOOOONG list of items followed!
What a crock.
But, God forbid, if HE asks her to do something, like say, clean her room or do her required chores, then she turns into "Cybil" and you can actually feel the temperature in the room drop by ten degrees!
Oh, believe me, there's no sweet-sounding "Da-deee" then, only a very nasty, obnoxious, evil-toned, "Dad".
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"