"Well I can't MAKE her help out", so no one will......
I don't understand where the logic behind "She's an adult now, I can't MAKE her do anything" lies. No flipping way. It doesn't matter if she is an adult, she still should have a responsibility to her family and to our home. It's simple. You live at home, you help out at home, otherwise move the frig out! I was still living under my parents' roof when I was 19 and I had to go to work AND help out around the house. I just don't understand what is happening. I don't care how old you are, if you are living under MY roof and not paying any kind of rent and only working part time, no college, you should be helping out. But since I am not the " Man of the house", it doesn't matter. Age doesn't matter when it comes to family. My SD 19 could be in her own apartment doing WTF ever she wants, but she's not, she's still at the house, and heaven forbid she be held responsible for her actions. Perfect example. We have 3 dogs. We just bought new furniture, like 2300.00 worth of new furniture. One simple rule. Keep the dogs off of it. We came home tonight from dinner at my parents house (SD 19 doesn't go to family things with MY family, only her dad's family) and pull into our driveway. WE CAN SEE THE DOGS THROUGH THE FRONT WINDOW ON THE NEW FURNITURE. SD is home but doesn't isn't in the living room. We have told all the kids to please put the dogs in our hallway when you are not in the living room. (one of the dogs is just over a year old and likes to chew) I asked DH to handle the issue and he simply told her "Hey honey, remember to put the dogs up when you aren't in the living room with them okay?" NO. NO. We didn't just drop 2300.00 for you to be like "Oh hey, no big deal but" This rule has been in place for a YEAR. She knows (and the other kids know) not to leave the dogs out without supervision, but it's truly a matter of not caring because there is no repercussion for not following the rules, because she's 19 and that makes her an adult.
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I would tell DH - well seeing
I would tell DH - well seeing she's and adult she needs to move out then.
I have the same rules in my house, as long as you are living there you will be a good house mate and do certain things, not saying clean after me, but clean after you and stick to the basic rules of the house..... take other occupants into consideration....
If you don't like it you are free to move out
I would tell my husband that
I would tell my husband that I am not going to have people that can't be controlled in my home.... especially for "free". If she wants to remain living rent free, then she needs to submit to house rules. If she wants to pay rent, you can use that to pay for housecleaning etc.. also keep the dogs up and she is not to let them out unless she is supervising.
A few days ago ds21 paid me
A few days ago ds21 paid me $5 for doing the dishes he left in the sink before he left for work. This was after I reminded him several times to please clean up breakfast mess before he left. So he got a text from me thanking him for paying me for doing his chore. I am joint on his bank account so will just tack the money onto the rent I will transfer from his account.
ds21 is my kid so it will be my way or the highway. If this had been one of dh's adult sons dh would just clean up after him and tell me to drop it. It's way harder when it's not your kid. I'd start helping her look for work abroad programs or something
It took me over a year to
It took me over a year to train the pupster "no going on the furniture". Before that, kids thought it was "super cute", when big puppy dog would run around like crazy and bound on nice couch and chairs. With support of my SO, the kids fell in line with that rule.
The rabbit - now that rabbit has started many arguments. Rabbit pees and poos wherever and whenever it needs to. Laps, chairs, floor, anywhere. Telling the skids "no rabbits on furniture on floor" sounds like broken record, but thats how their minds work. You have to tell them over and over again before their brains get it. Same with SO. He trips enough times over rabbit poo, and he will get on the train, as well. LOL. For some reason Skids think "no she wont pee/poo on ME, because I am special".
Our furniture is worth about 2-3k as well, and I always mention it when the kiddos think they dont need to listen. Broken records and squeaky wheels get most of the attention!
Now that whole thing about 19, and not responsible for actions. Is SO still looking at her as "his sweet little girl?" Well this little girl needs to learn how to become a woman and not stay a child forever. Have a talk with DH/SO. Stand up for yourself. They will respect you only if you do this thing.
Yea isn't it nice when they
Yea isn't it nice when they get to have all of the freedom, power and perks that come with being an adult, with none of the responsibility?!?! My SO is this way with his son. He gets to do what he wants, but nothing is asked of him.