Sorry you're going through this...It's truly sad...

I can say this as I'm a SM, and my dynamic with DH has been one that I'm NOT SD's mom...I never thought that...never think that...and never will think that...It puts EVERYTHING in perspective for me...So it's always made me deal with DH and my relationship and keeping it strong and intact...

I always raise my eyebrows when I hear or read women talking about they love the skids like their own, their more of a mom to the skids than their BM, etc...I've never seen a situation where at some point they are reminded that they are NOT the mom...

Keep fighting...keep venting...and give yourself time to get your head and heart in the place you want it to be...

GL

I am sorry to hear about your blended family situation.

However, at least from the StepDad perspective, it is possible to be "Dad". I think it is also possible for a StepMom to be "Mom". I think the critical variables in being "Mom" or "Dad" as a Sparent is starting with a very young Skid and having zero to very limited involvement in the Skids life by your Bio equivelent.

I became "Dad(dy)" to my SS-19 when he was 1yo. Though I was not the first guy he knew as Daddy (dipshit was), I was the first person he ever called "Dad(dy)" and I am the only full time dad he has had for his entire life. The SpermIdiot was primarily just a picture on the wall when his mom and I started dating and though regular visitation with the SpermIdiot and the SpermClan began a few weeks after his mom and I married I was and remain the only "real" and full time father/dad he has ever had.

Though challenging, I have foud be a Sparent to be extremely rewarding. Though it would have been far more rewarding if I could have choked the entire SpermClan and fed them to a swamp full of reptiles. (in my dreams only ..... of course).

Good luck and best regards,

I agree with that, while its important to foster a good relationship, I have learnt early on (I am 27) that they have able parents who can take care of them unconditionally. My time and energy goes into my child and when I was single, my relationship and self development. It doesn't matter how much you try and you should never want too seriously, their parents are their parents. And with the level of training these particular kids received on both ends, the stress is not worth it. When my stepson was 4, he called me mom and I stopped it immediately, I want no part of that.

I vowed to protect them when at my house but that's it. I have a life, I want peace and calm, they don't give me that so I move on. I tolerate them for the 5 days they are here a month and I don't plan anything around them or for them because they have gotten out of hand with the disrespect and ungratefulness.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I learned that same lesson the hard way. I was faced with the choice of supporting my husband and helping to raise his daughter as she was taken out of BM abusive home. They both needed me and I thought I could do some good. I think, looking back, that if I kept myself a bit removed and stayed 'stepmom' instead of allowing myself to be pulled into the 'mom' role it would not have hurt so much when, 6 years later, she changed her mind about who she wanted her 'mom' to be. Thankfully I have a strong, loving and supportive husband who did not let the whims of a teenager come between us. And a year later, I still feel hurt by her actions, but part of me still loves her and I have moved past the grief that I felt when she left.
Be strong and be good to yourself.