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I am such a sucker!!!

motherof2's picture

Submitted by motherof2 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 10:57am

Getting married in two weeks. Decided 2 weeks ago to try and bury the hatchets with BM...everything went well. We agreed to be just 2 moms and not enemies. She was texting me, came over for coffee when she picked up the kids and life was good. Yesterday, FDH gets a letter forwarded to him by his lawyer from hers :jawdrop:

Even though she said they can go to mediation to rewrite their long overdue papers, she went to a lawyer instead. So, she adjusted visitation to no overnights during the week, just dinner. In addition his child support went up 400.00 and we are paying 150.00 for SD braces a month, she is also putting 6000.00 braces on SS10 in Jan. can u imagine...10. She also asked FDH on the sly if he would split her lawyer bill with her. I give up. She has been divorced since 2004 by her choice, and she still is trying to make him suffer!!! She is also stressing about him having alone time with his kids because she feels they need it. HELP!!!

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motherof2's picture

Submitted by motherof2 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 11:12am

Well, child the child support has not been updated since 2004 and she is owed more. There is a chart they go by with his income and hers.We can't afford a lawyer :O

stepmasochist's picture

Submitted by stepmasochist on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 11:15am

Try to find some legal aid. Talk to the court house, they may be able to tell you of avenues to pursue for free legal help.

stepmasochist's picture

Submitted by stepmasochist on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 11:13am

ditto to all that Happy said.

None of what any lawyer sends over is official until either a judge or DH signs it, usually both!

Braces seem to be a big issue on here lately. It must be "braces" season.

motherof2's picture

Submitted by motherof2 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 11:39am

his 10year old daughter requested it. We live 15 minutes from her school and she says she hates getting up early to leave for school and trying to remember her violin, it is just easier. Son10 doesn't know what is going on and it just moving with the current. DH is on board if it is easier for DD. They still come over 2 nights a week, but they still are over until BM picks them up @ 8pm. What is being accomplished??? She says spending the night is cutting into her tought 7th grade homework....So is driving home at night easier???)((&^

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 2:39pm

I know I am posting alot but a 10 year old should not decide the custody arrangement - probably was prompted by BM - if she stays at your house overnight she can get her homework done and be in bed 15 minutes earlier instead of the car ride at 8pm.

motherof2's picture

Submitted by motherof2 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 11:41am

Yes, she is paying half. The problem is....he helped her out in 2005 by giving her 7000.00 up front to put a down payment on a house. She said ok, then pay half of your CS because I can't get life insurance because I tried to off myself 2x. Now apparently, she can go for back CS. Isn't that great???

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 2:35pm

Can you afford to just keep letting her get her way and keep increasing CS and wait till the other charges come along - your BM knows you can't afford it but I would call her bluff - it you don't you may not be able to afford not calling a lawyer!

motherof2's picture

Submitted by motherof2 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 11:45am

There current paper says 50/50 custody, with her being the primary residence. Because DD12 is saying it would be easier to be at BM during school nights he is obeying BM. We r 15 minutes away. I feel like,,,suck it up kid.

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 2:37pm

15 minutes is not that far and as someone stated you will lose custody time which could be crucial please call a lawyer and get some answers - and all remember never trust a wild animal no matter how nice you think they are - you will get bit in the end.

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 11:38am

Lawyers in my area will give you the first consultation for free. You might want to check in your area to see if they do similar there.

VAStepMom's picture

Submitted by VAStepMom on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 11:51am

First of all keep in mind that if you willingly give up 2 days a week of visitation you will $$$Pay the BM to support the children those two days. I would fight that legally.... and then allow the kids to reduce to one night a week on your grace.

2nd of all, BM is going for an adjustment, fine.... but... DH has the ability to fight it. In court, they would look at DH's costs of healthcare provided to them - Family Plan, Dental Insurance - Family plan.... and likely... they would say that BM and DH split the difference NOT covered by insurance. DH should NOT agree to make a monthly payment to the dental office, if DH has not reviewed the treatment plan, figured out HIS fair share, and then decided how he will pay it.

Our BM did the same thing. The second DH and I married, she wanted braces on SD12. We checked into it... $6500. DH's ins would pay $1000 and mine....(lucky her) would pay $1500. She had no money or insurance. We paid upfront $900 and remaining on payment plan. All on HER whim. The girl DID need braces though. We could have charged her 50% of the remaining costs. What a favor I did for her, putting SD13 on my insurance plan along with my own daughters.

Believe me, in the long run, you will be glad you fought this support order change, even if you have to represent yourself in court. DO IT.

Good Luck.

pastepmomof3's picture

Submitted by pastepmomof3 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 12:26pm

Both of my DH's custody orders for his kids mention reimbursable expenses. This means that BM pays the entire amount and then submits the claim to DH to pay his percentage of the cost. In PA, it is the responsibility of the BM to push all of the paperwork through Domestic Relations to him for that amount. And if DH doesn't agree with braces for the 10 year old, he can get a 2nd opinion and if they are in agreement that it is not required yet, he can provide that as proof to BM and refuse to pay for them.

It's hard but you really need to get someone in your corner to fight BM on this. If you roll over now, you'll be rolling forever. If you go for an hourly lawyer, that might be a little cheaper for you. And let her call your bluff, but be prepared just in case she does.

Good luck to you.

motherof2's picture

Submitted by motherof2 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 12:53pm

The only reason he rolls over and tries to keep her happy is because of the back child support she can say he owes....even though he paid for other stuff, there was not a check that said child support. she said because he gave her nomey for a house downpayment and she can't get life insurance to cut the cs in half, but they never put it in writing.

stepmasochist's picture

Submitted by stepmasochist on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 2:25pm

Does he not have ANY record of handing over $7,000 to her? I copy of the check with her name on it perhaps.

I don't think any court is actually going to believe that he just gave her $7,000 as a straight out gift. Whether the agreement on the check was verbal or not, the check itself is pretty hard evidence that she got the money.

motherof2's picture

Submitted by motherof2 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 12:53pm

The only reason he rolls over and tries to keep her happy is because of the back child support she can say he owes....even though he paid for other stuff, there was not a check that said child support. she said because he gave her nomey for a house downpayment and she can't get life insurance to cut the cs in half, but they never put it in writing.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

Submitted by Tx mommy of 3 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 3:09pm

I hate to say 'told ya so', but.... Seems like 'coffee' was the calm before the storm. She was trying to sweeten you up before she changed things. That paperwork takes awhile to get done. So she had already at leasttalked to her attorney before having the meetig with you. She was hoping as a mom you would see things her way and side with her. So you can go with it or get an attorney, maybe legal aid. But you need legal advice.

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 3:16pm

My feeling exactly - she was just buttering you up. I think you had posted how you went out for drinks and everyone said be careful this is why - we really wish that 1 BM would prove us wrong but so far SM - 999999999999999999999 BM - 0

motherof2's picture

Submitted by motherof2 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 3:23pm

You r so right. I don't know what I was thinking. He texted her to call him today when she gets out of work. She responded with "sure is everything OK? Can you imaging. She also asked him on the sly to pay for half her lawyer fees, and they can use just her lawyer together to settle things.

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 10:22pm

My Dh when he got divorced his ex suggested the same thing - luckily he is very smart and although he did not have much money at the time (the assets were frozen - she was taking draining all the accounts when she decided to get divorced and did not tell him for 2 weeks and by then a lot of the money was gone) so he took what money he had got his own lawyer who was only for him and came up with a much fairer decision. Also hubby should not pay for her lawyer who is trying to get more money from you all - this woman has nerve!!

motherof2's picture

Submitted by motherof2 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 3:24pm

I know, I know...I was just hoping that I could fix things. Not only did I bend over, but I just got kicked in the ass too.

motherof2's picture

Submitted by motherof2 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 3:33pm

I see what you r saying, but why now, right before our wedding. Why not go to a mediator? To me...she is being spiteful. Lets up CS, get braces on both kids, pay for lawyers, and just plain bust them. I can see her now, laughing at the destruction she has caused in my home, and lets not forget limiting daddy time, that his kids so desperately need.

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 10:24pm

Yeah this woman knew just what she was doing - she asks you out for drinks after she has gotten a lawyer and knows she is going for the jugular - I hope to God you did not pay for her drinks that night that would be the kicker!!

motherof2's picture

Submitted by motherof2 on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 9:15am

No...she paid....He is not going to pay her lawyer, we already talked about it. I also am trying to talk him into not changing his days on paper, but to make it a courtesy by allowing the kids to spend weeknights at her house, since it really is not what he wants...funny thing about the summercamp she wants reinbursment for is, last year we looked into camp and she said no, she didn't have the money, so the kids did not go. This year DH says, I work from home, they can stay with me, she felt camp was a good idea on her days so she said she would pay for it and sent them, now she wants half...well what happened to when she couldnt afford it???