I've posted a few times here -- I have 4 skids and one BD17. My skids are SD16, SS18, SS21 and SD22. The boys are much easier than the girls (skid-wise). The girls seem to have their BM's makeup and are behaving like her more and more each day --ie crazy. The youngest one SD16 just began acting more and more like her recently, and it makes me very sad. Up until this point, while our relationship wasn't always easy, it was manageable and we were able to have fun once in a while.

I have been in their lives since 2005, and I do care for them. The SD22 has done so much that I disengaged beginning of June. I've told my husband I do not even want her at the house she is so vile to both me and him.

As far as disengaging -- I had to also disengage from the SD16 and SS18 --- just as far as it comes to disciplining. My DH has left it to me since we married to be the "heavy" -- so that he can be the nice guy. I finally told him a couple weeks ago that I was done being the one making sure they were home on time, making sure they had good grades, asking them where they were going when they headed out the door, knowing where they were, knowing their friends, etc. The reason being is that when they messed up I also had to tell him, and tell him what I thought should happen discipline-wise because he wouldn't know what to do. My DH is a good man, and he would follow through with the discipline. But the hard part is that I end up being the one they are mad at -- not him.

SD16 hasn't hardly spoken to me in 2-3 weeks now. I made the decision that I wasn't going to fall into the trap of not talking to her, and was going to continue to talk to her -- so I've tried. If I don't make the effort, she doesn't. I suppose that's a typical teen.

SD16 is also quite rude and disrespectful to me -- and she also took herself off of my facebook page as my daughter. Granted she's not my daughter, but she'd been on there for the past 3 years and then out of the blue takes herself off?? What the heck? I haven't even asked her. I have decided I really don't care anymore. That was when I decided that disengaging from her was the best thing.

I had told her that for her graduation gift I was going to take her on a trip -- because I'm taking my daughter on a trip for her graduation. SD16's graduation isn't for 2 years. But have decided if she wants to treat me like crap for the next two years and be disrespectful, I'm not spending my hard earned money on a trip for her. I'm also not doing anything special with her anymore. I had taken her to concerts with her and her friends -- paid the way (no thank yous). If she wants to act that way -- I'm done. I won't be mean to her, and will continue to try.

Disengaging is hard. And letting go and hoping that my husband will manage the kids so that they don't go completely out of control. He didn't keep control of his SD22, and now she is and always has been awful.

SD22 never had boundaries. My DH was too afraid to tell her no because when he would she would start freaking out and screaming. He could never get her to do chores around the house, go to bed on time, come home on time, go to school, etc. She was simply out of control. She ran away on a bus to Montana to her mother's home (there was a restraining order preventing the mom from seeing the kids) -- so my DH had to fly out to Montana and get her. She threw such a huge fit in the airport that the airlines wouldn't let them get on the plane because they were concerned that she would put the other passengers at risk. She began screaming in the airport about not wanting to get on the plane. So they road the bus home. I remember him telling me that he was trying to get her to do something one time, and she went all limp and he ended up having to drag her to her room because she refused to go to her room. He had to do a Youth at Risk through the courts to force her to go to school and counseling or she would be put in juvie. It was the only way he was able to get her to finish school.

Six months after we were married he ended up kicking her out of the house. She went to live with her grandma. We tried three times to have her come back, but each time it just got worse. She is just out of control and nasty. Now she is pregnant and living with her boyfriend and his parents. They just bought them a home. And last I heard, her and the boyfriend got into a huge fight. I told my husband I don't ever want her living with us again. She has been so awful to both of us that I would be content to never see her again.