Book Recommendation for those Grappling with Whether to Leave or Stay in their Relationship!
I haven't blogged a lot lately because frankly once I accepted that my issues in my marriage were pretty much all marriage related rather than specifically "step-related" (i.e. no crazy BMs, out of control SKs or CS issues here!) then I changed my focus from how to deal with my "step" situation to how to deal with my marriage.
That said, I posted this as a response to a couple of other people's blogs already, but now I decided it might be better to create my own blog in case this might be helpful to other people who might be struggling with similar issues in determining whether or not to continue their relationship with their SO.
Read: Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Leave-Stay-Step-Step/dp/0452275350
I just started reading the book yesterday and I'm already on page 223 of 279, and even though I already knew what I wanted to do before I read this book, the book has helped me gain clarity of why I am making the right decision.
Good Luck!
- mommylove's blog
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Comments
I agree. I read it during my
I agree. I read it during my marriage to exH and found it greatly helped to clarify my thinking. Good recommendation.
L
I borrowed it from library
I borrowed it from library too after I read all the reviews first on Amazon!
I'm glad I didn't get mine
I'm glad I didn't get mine from the library. I wrote all over it!
Then I lent it to my sister. LOL
L
I could see that, and even a
I could see that, and even a few negative reviews pointed this out. My take on this was that most people were like me and were probably already leaning towards leaving before they read the book and just wanted to make sure they were making the right decision. I think people that don't consider leaving an option probably wouldn't read a book that even offered the "option" of leaving, but that is JMO! I did, however, love the fact that some people actually found out their relationship was " too good to leave", which I think is great considering they probably started out leaning more toward leaving!
Yeah, I could see that! Lol!
Yeah, I could see that! Lol! Acutally I was thinking now that I read it that this might be one of those books I'd still buy because it might be useful reference for future relationships!
What I liked about this book
What I liked about this book was that it was based on actual statistics, not on somebody's theory of what's what.
What the authors here did was to ask various yes or no questions to people who were thinking of leaving their relationships. Then later, they came back and asked: did you leave or stay? and are you happy with your decision?
Then they give you information about what happened in the long run to people who answer a particular question "yes" and what happened in the long run to those who answer a particular question "no".
Example - I am remembering this from a long time ago, so if this isn't true to what's actually in the book please take it as just an example of the method:
The question might be "Were the good times ever really good?"
Then they'll tell you - the majority of people who said yes to this and stayed in their relationship were happy they had stayed. The majority of people who said no to this and left were happy they had left.
In that way, this book isn't telling you about what one author thinks. It's telling you about the actual experiences of numerous actual people. I like that better as a basis for taking advice.
Of course there's discussion on every question as well, which helps start a person thinking about their own situation.
And as with all advice - I listen to what the person is telling me, but I listen *harder* to my inner reaction to what I'm hearing / reading. In other words, is my gut saying "no, that's not us at all..." or is my gut saying "yeah, I know I don't want to admit it but that's where I'm really at in my life / relationship." It's hard to lie to yourself while hearing the truth. When something's not true, it's easy to say so.
This is just my 2 cents - but I felt this was one of the less biased books out there as far as telling you what you should do.
I left. My sister stayed. I don't know about her, but I'm happy with my decision, 100%.
L
Great summary LizGrace! I
Great summary LizGrace!
I finished the book yesterday and reached the same conclusion I went in with, but there was definitely some additional comfort in knowing that many of the things I already knew were problems were all actually reasons to leave, and not just something that I should "stay and work on." Sad yes, but nonetheless really BEST for ALL involved.
Now I am getting my ducks in a row to make the envitable happen...it's just the "pretending" in the meantime that's killing me!