maybe you missed the part where I said she had her seat moved while SS4 and BD2 were left at the children’s table. why was her seat moved? because she wouldn’t sit like the other children, so her punishment was to give her what she wanted?! only for her to continue to not sit as instructed. it was AFTER she was moved that then of course BD2 and SS4 wanted to sit with me. it’s not that SD2 can’t be picked up by DH but she was sitting not even THINKING about being picked up until BD2 wanted to be picked up. this is her MO, read my prior post. she doesn’t want anything until BD2 has it or does it. I don’t like that. and she’s so ugly in the way that she goes about trying to get what she wants.

no offense but you obviously didn't read my prior post. she has only had ONE change in her whole life, when at 2 months old her mom walked out and at 4 months old I came into the picture. she doesn't know her bio mom because she isn't around, so this is not some difficult adjustment she is making. unfortunately MOST people when they hear she is 2 think she is just behaving as a normal 2 year old. her and BD2 are only 2 months apart, raised in the exact same environment since SD10mnths and BD8mnths old. and she has behaved this way for as long as I can remember. it isn't because she is 2, she just has an ugly disposition and YES it is obnoxious. it's obnoxious that I can tell SS4 and BD2 one time not to do something and they will stop but SD2 has to be told 3 times and threatened with a spanking. *shrug* not pregnancy, because I've actually limited how much I let her get on my nerves since I am pregnant, I ignore her a LOT more now when she does bad things.

religious? no. in relationship with God? yes. there's a difference? yes. but this is neither the time nor the place for that conversation.

it frustrates me when people don't read thoroughly, we went to Bible Study as a family. so that "low- blow" was both unfounded and unnecessary.

it isn't about her misbehaving. it's about particular TYPES of bad behavior.

maybe you should read my FIRST blog post then come back to comment further.

OH and I absolutely believe that ANYONE can be demonically influenced, 2 or not. but I don't debate things like that via the internet. just know it isn't me insulting her, I HONESTLY believe she could be being influenced by some negative/evil entity because her behavior is extreme.

it isn't that I don't love SD2, I do. she has the capability to be an amazing, sweet, little girl. it's when she has her moments where she picks on her siblings, is violent toward them, and competitive with them for no reason that I become irritated. unfortunately with her, that's QUITE OFTEN! she makes it hard to like her, I wouldn't like my friends child that acted this way.

we all love her, but even family will tell you, she is "bad" which I hate to "label" children that way but she does have very bad behavior. so YES of course I become frustrated with her. some people won't even keep them because of her or don't like to come over because of how she behaves. so, this isn't the evil SM bashing her SD that's only a "baby" no, she was like this before she could even walk all the way. I've always noticed it but thought before, like you, "she's just a baby" except she's only gotten progressively worse.

we’re not making any of them call us mommy or daddy. SS4 and SD2 have been with me since 2yrs and 2 mnths. their bio mother isn’t involved in their lives because she realized “I don’t want to be a mom” & walked out on them and DH back in 2009. BD2’s father isn’t around either because he decided when I got prego that he wanted a divorce, he has seen her twice in her 2 years of life by his own choice. neither of us have even been contacted by their bios for the last 18 months.

so since THAT isn't a valid reason for her jealousy then what is?

and you're taking my example out of context for the car situation. she always gets out first if we're letting them out from her side. I don't make her move to let the other two out. BUT if she has chosen to come to my side of the vehicle and talk to me so her brother or sister have now stepped up to be let out first it is NOT okay for her think that pushing and screaming her way back to the front is the way to handle it. so YES she is told to move and to let whoever was there first get out first. if I let her do that what would that then say to SS4 and BD2? that so long as you yell and scream you can have what you like even when it means being unfair to your other siblings? absolutely NOT going to set that example for them!

and actually since you mentioned me playing favorites between SD2 and BD2 I can tell you that isn't true, fair is fair. at Bible Study AFTER SD2 pushed BD2 to be held by DH and I reprimanded her behavior by making her sit later SD2 was cuddling with me and rubbing "the baby" when BD2 came over and tried to push her away so she could get on my lap. I advised BD2 not to do that to SD2 because she was there first and that wasn't nice. BD2 didn't throw a tantrum she just went and sat with her brother. *shrug* wasn't a big deal, I'm sure she knew she was wrong to have even tried that so she just left and went on with her activities.

so, I'm acutely aware of how important it is that all of my children see everyone get the same type of discipline when they are exhibiting the same type of behavior so that no one feels slighted. and I am constantly making sure DH and I both do so. but TYPICALLY SD2 is the one exhibiting bad behavior, everyone agrees. unfortunately when they are left with family or friends, SHE is the one we get stories or complaints about.

and if her behavior toward BD2 is provoked by me then explain why there will be times when she thinks no one is looking (she'll look around first and doesn't understand the concept of peripheral vision yet so she thinks she is home free) and she will just haul off and hit BD2? One time, for example, BD2 was sitting playing by herself, because she does that a lot (very independent), and SD2 looked around then just threw a ball at her head for no reason. BD2 wasn't even engaging her or involved with her. so why that? what did I or DH or even BD2 do to provoke that behavior?

I have not shaped her to feel jealous of BD2 IMO. now as far as the first 4 months of her life if she wasn't held enough by DH or her grandma (who was a big part back then) I can't account for that. but when I came around and DH and I started co-parenting we treated each child the same. which meant less of some things and more of other things.

they all get the same amount of attention and love as well as the same consequences for same bad behavior so why does SD2 feel like she needs to compete? I have NEVER disengaged in the past, I didn't even know what that was until I came to this site. and like I said on my prior post I don't feel that is a valid option BECAUSE of the fact that I'm the only mommy SS4 and SD2 know. only in the last few days have I been as hands off as possible, I'm just too close to the end of my pregnancy to spend a lot of energy or time dealing with her behavior. and please keep in mind she does this with both BD2 AND SS4. so this isn't just about me choosing BD2 over her.

neither of us see each others children as "each other's children" I only differentiate here for the sake of this site.

DH and I were both married to what turned out to be pricks. both bio-parents walked out on us and our children. we met when SS4 was SS2 BD2 was BD2mnths and SD2 was SD4mnths. even before we were talking marriage we were co-parenting our children because we both love all the children as our own.

so for you to say his kid vs. mine is actually extremely offensive given our circumstances.

maybe you should read my prior blog post before you make such wild accusations. look at her behavior and tell me that it isn't jealousy. literally EVERYONE around us says "she seems like she is jealous of BD2." at first I couldn't understand why she did the things she did but after talking to a child development major and hearing her insight and her professional opinion yes, it seems she is jealous.

scenario: you and your friend go to dinner. one of your guy friends runs into you both there and strikes up a conversation with you both. eventually a new guy comes over and approaches your friend and they get to talking. your mutual guy friend asks you to dance because he loves this song, your girlfriend hears this so she stops her conversation with the new guy and says "I was just going to ask you to dance, dance with me instead." would you be taken aback? would you think, "hmm you were just completely engaged in something else and now you all of a sudden want to dance with him after he asked me?" well, this is my SD2!

and no, my DH knows she tries to compete, this isn't something only I think because I want all of his attention for myself and BD2. for instance, this morning, SD2 and SS4 were both playing together and BD2 was playing alone. DH called BD2 into our room and was tickling her and playing with her. when SD2 heard BD2 laughing she LITERALLY dropped what she was doing and bolted for my room. she started pushing BD2 away from DH so that he would play with her instead. of course he told her to stop and to wait her turn to play, she started whining and crying as if DH was being unfair so she was just sent out instead. notice I didn't say she went in and played WITH them, she wanted to isolate DH for herself even though BD2 was already in there.

this seems like "2 yr old behavior" on the surface EXCEPT had the situation been reversed, 1. BD2 (same age, same home environment) and SS4 wouldn't have gone in trying to interrupt her time with DH they would have kept about with their playtime 2. HAD they gone in and done what SD2 did to BD2, SD2 would have thrown the BIGGEST tantrum in the world like her life was ending. 3. when SD2 came in and DID what she did BD2 (same age, same home environment) was willing to let her play with DH, she moved but DH said "no ---- don't leave ---- stop you saw me playing with her first."

so, don't tell me "she's just 2" because our other 2yr old doesn't act this way. don't tell me DH favors her because I don't, because he doesn't, he sees the issue too. don't tell me she isn't jealous when a professional and other close friends observing her behavior in passing all think she is. and btw we are a blended family, have been for over 18 months so ALL of the children are MY children! neither bio parents outside of our marriage are involved. again, you may want to read my first blog FIRST.

see, this is what I'm concerned about. I don't want her to turn into a tormenting teenager (I mean they all are to some extent but you know what I mean!). I want my children to be a pleasure to be around. I am strong-willed and was as a small child too, but I didn't do the things that my SD2 does. my DH tries to help, I know he does, but I don't know what to do to ease my frustration. I just can feel myself starting to dislike her a lot and I don't want that, I want to help her become better behaved. and I know I am protective of the other 2, this morning I saw how DH and I letting her slide with things has trained our children to cater to her tantrums.

BD2 was on her bed and SD2 came and tried to sit on top of her. BD2 cried until SD2 was made to get up but then BD2 moved so SD2 could just sit there. DH had to tell BD2 that she doesn't have to do that and told SD2 to find somewhere else to sit. then SD2 cried as though someone had done something to her other than making her share and play nicely. not even 15 minutes later SS4 came to get a drink of water and left his toy he was playing with unattended while he drank it, so SD2 ran to go take it. SS4 told her to give it back and she just rolled her eyes (literally) and walked away, so I asked calmly "SD2 did he have that toy?" she immediately started to pout, I asked again and she handed it to him, so that to me says she KNEW she was wrong because I didn't even have to tell her to give it back, she did when I even ASKED if he had it. she knew she took it and shouldn't have. then after she gave it back she cried for 5 minutes like SS4 had done something to her. I feel like our other children are suffering and I am protective of them but it makes me sad that I feel like I have to protect them from their own sibling!