Friday night SS6 wanted to watch a movie in his room and asked if I would help him. I followed him into his room where he had pulled 2 movies out of the case, but he was having trouble deciding which one he wanted to watch.. so I suggested, "Why don't you watch this one since you watched this other one 3 times last weekend?" He said, "Yeah.. that's a good idea!" I started the movie for him and went along my way, tidying up the house. DH had run to the grocery store for me and shortly after he returned, he disappeared into SS6's room. After about 30 minutes, I went in to see if everything was OK. There they were, lying on SS's bed watching the OTHER movie.. not a big deal, but kind of weird, as it had only been maybe an hour previous that I had started the other movie for him. Everything seemed fine and dandy so I went back to the living room to play with BS1.
DH eventually came into the living room and sat down on the couch with me. The following conversation took place:
DH: So - how come SS couldn't watch the movie he picked out?
ME: (puzzled and confused) Excuse me? He WAS watching the movie he picked out.. well, one of the 2.. he couldn't decide so I made a suggestion and he went with it.. he was a happy little camper when I left his room an hour ago..
DH: Hmmm.. when I walked in the door, he met me in the kitchen with tears in his eyes and said he really wanted to watch such-n-such movie but you told him NO, that he had already watched it last week so he can't watch it ever again.
ME: (already fuming inside, but keeping my composure) Really.. so how did the other movie get started for him?
DH: Well, he asked me to please go get it for him (the movies are kept in the living room in a case), but to be quiet and not let you know because he didn't want you to yell at him.
ME: OK, so let me ask you a few questions: first, does that sound AT ALL like something I would do or say? You know darn well that I sit and watch the same scooby doo movie with BS1 3 times/day somedays..
DH: No, I didn't think that is something you would say.
ME: And do I EVER yell at anyone? EVER?
DH: (giggling) No, actually, you never raise your voice.
ME: And just for the heck of it, lets say that, for whatever reason, I DID say that he could NOT watch that movie.. why would you SNEAK into the room to get it for him and then turn it on in his room? You are totally giving him the impression that it doesn't matter what I say, Daddy will always come to his rescue.. poor little defenseless SS.. WTF, DH?
DH: I just didn't think a movie was a big deal.. if he wants to watch a movie 100 times in a row, its OK.. I don't understand why you would tell him no.
ME: I DIDN'T TELL HIM NO!!! I .. you know what.. forget it.. this is BS..
I wasn't going to waste my time or breath explaining to him AGAIN what had happened. I marched straight into SS's room and turned the movie off and said, "Guess what.. NOW I am telling you NO. You lied, and for NO REASON.. why would you tell Daddy that I said you couldn't watch that movie.. you know that isn't true. Until you can tell your dad the truth, you will sit in this room and not watch ANYTHING. From now on, when you tell daddy lies about me, I am NOT going to let you get away with it.. that behavior is NOT acceptable!"
DH was standing in the hall listening, but SS6 did not realize daddy was with within ear shot.. and he said, "Well, I just wanted Daddy to spend some time with ONLY me and I really wanted to watch the OTHER movie, so I cried because I don't like BS1.."..?? Before I could respond, DH poked his head in the room and said, "Son, that doesn't even make any sense.. you don't like your brother, so you lied about mommabear.. why? Can you explain that to me?" SS just stared at both of us and didn't say antying for a few seconds.. then he says, "I just don't want to watch the movie anymore so I'm gonna go outside and play." My initial thought was 'the hell you are doing ANYTHING fun after pulling this crap.. you're gonna sit in this room and think about what you've done.', but he scampered right past DH and that was that.. DH said, "Don't forget to put your helmet on if you ride your bike."
I was speechless.. I had knots in my stomach and I was screaming inside.. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, DH? After SS shut the door behind him, DH turned to me and said, "Something must be going on with him at his mom's house.. they must be neglecting him, or ignoring him, or being mean to him." All I could say was, "You're amazing.. amazingly IMPOSSIBLE! What is it going to take for you to see that he is NOT a perfect little angel?" I was so mad I didn't speak to him for the rest of the evening.. but he didn't mind, he kissed SS's ass and snuggled with him and catered to him all night.
I am so sorry. You must feel so betrayed. Why is it that I suspect these DH's know exactly what's going on, and maybe they're just doing this out of resentment or to make the wife feel bad about themselves? Maybe I'm just paranoid, maybe they are simply clueless. It's as if they go out of their way to put the blame of their kids behavioral problems on the SM.
I just cringed when I read that your DH said "hmmm..." in response to you defending yourself. My SO does this hmmm... thing all the time to me when we argue. This is his passive way of letting me know he thinks everything that comes out of my mouth is BS. I wish he would just say BS! Instead of 'hmmm...' all the time.
Onefootout.. the "hmmmmm" thing makes me want to punch him in his face! lol That is exactly how it makes me feel.. like he thinks I'm full of crap and telling him lies. :?
He doesn't realize that he is raising a son to be a manipulating bastard. It's natural for young kids to do stupid stuff. That's when parents are supposed to parent and point them in the right direction.
Exactly, oldone! What I didn't explain is that we have dealt with this coming from SS MANY times before. DH ALWAYS turns a blind eye to it.. and chalks it up to "He's just a kid.." I absolutely agree.. HE'S JUST A KID.. however, kids need to be taught right from wrong and they need guidance and discipline.. but for whatever reason, he gets soooo offended when I point out that SD or SS has done something reprimandable.. like I'm singling them out and picking on them. I can't imagine why he would feel that way, because I am tough on my biokids.. I do NOT tolerate that crap from them.. I have very high expectations of them, and he LOVES that I deal with my boys in this way.. he tells me that he respects my parenting style so much, because he was never held to any standards, was spoiled rotten, and was (self-admittedly) a BAD KID!! OK - so why, then, is it GREAT for my kids to be raised this way, but not his? I just can't understand this one? Does he WANT his kids to be rotten, rude, disrespectful, etc..?? I just don't get it!
Oh Mommabear!!! The scene you just described was MY life until I disengaged. Skid was the same way, same spiteful lies, same manipulations, same bullshit, and DH was the exact same way as yours. Made me want to puke, scream, cry, pull my hair out, claw his eyes out, and tell him to go take a flying fucking leap off of a very high cliff!!! When I read posts like these, I get filled with anger for the poster and get pissed at my DH all over again. It is a total crock of shit. These kids learn how to wrap Daddy from an EARLY age, I don't care what any of the naysayers say. They KNOW what they are doing and the pushover pussy DH's damn sure know they are in the wrong. They would rather allow the child to do these things, be their friend, let you the SM be the bad cop, let the skid hate you instead of them, essentially using you as a barrier in between them actually having to step up and be a parent. The skid and their puppet on a string dad are a team and we are the opponent and skid loves it and DH allows it and encourages it thru his non stop inaction and guilt parenting. UGH!! Pissed and disgusted for you. :sick:
i'd have said something like, "something IS going on at his mom's house. how about a lack of parenting? how about a lack of dicipline? sounds like the same thing going on in THIS house."
That's what I meant by "I'm done!".. no more trying to be nice, helpful, loving.. he turns it on me and convinces DH that somehow, behind his back, I'm being mean and evil to him. So from now on, he is on his own.. and the kids is HELPLESS and needs help with everything! DH will soon see just how much I do for SS, because it now all falls on him.. totally and completely!
Comments
Friday night SS6 wanted to
Friday night SS6 wanted to watch a movie in his room and asked if I would help him. I followed him into his room where he had pulled 2 movies out of the case, but he was having trouble deciding which one he wanted to watch.. so I suggested, "Why don't you watch this one since you watched this other one 3 times last weekend?" He said, "Yeah.. that's a good idea!" I started the movie for him and went along my way, tidying up the house. DH had run to the grocery store for me and shortly after he returned, he disappeared into SS6's room. After about 30 minutes, I went in to see if everything was OK. There they were, lying on SS's bed watching the OTHER movie.. not a big deal, but kind of weird, as it had only been maybe an hour previous that I had started the other movie for him. Everything seemed fine and dandy so I went back to the living room to play with BS1.
DH eventually came into the living room and sat down on the couch with me. The following conversation took place:
DH: So - how come SS couldn't watch the movie he picked out?
ME: (puzzled and confused) Excuse me? He WAS watching the movie he picked out.. well, one of the 2.. he couldn't decide so I made a suggestion and he went with it.. he was a happy little camper when I left his room an hour ago..
DH: Hmmm.. when I walked in the door, he met me in the kitchen with tears in his eyes and said he really wanted to watch such-n-such movie but you told him NO, that he had already watched it last week so he can't watch it ever again.
ME: (already fuming inside, but keeping my composure) Really.. so how did the other movie get started for him?
DH: Well, he asked me to please go get it for him (the movies are kept in the living room in a case), but to be quiet and not let you know because he didn't want you to yell at him.
ME: OK, so let me ask you a few questions: first, does that sound AT ALL like something I would do or say? You know darn well that I sit and watch the same scooby doo movie with BS1 3 times/day somedays..
DH: No, I didn't think that is something you would say.
ME: And do I EVER yell at anyone? EVER?
DH: (giggling) No, actually, you never raise your voice.
ME: And just for the heck of it, lets say that, for whatever reason, I DID say that he could NOT watch that movie.. why would you SNEAK into the room to get it for him and then turn it on in his room? You are totally giving him the impression that it doesn't matter what I say, Daddy will always come to his rescue.. poor little defenseless SS.. WTF, DH?
DH: I just didn't think a movie was a big deal.. if he wants to watch a movie 100 times in a row, its OK.. I don't understand why you would tell him no.
ME: I DIDN'T TELL HIM NO!!! I .. you know what.. forget it.. this is BS..
I wasn't going to waste my time or breath explaining to him AGAIN what had happened. I marched straight into SS's room and turned the movie off and said, "Guess what.. NOW I am telling you NO. You lied, and for NO REASON.. why would you tell Daddy that I said you couldn't watch that movie.. you know that isn't true. Until you can tell your dad the truth, you will sit in this room and not watch ANYTHING. From now on, when you tell daddy lies about me, I am NOT going to let you get away with it.. that behavior is NOT acceptable!"
DH was standing in the hall listening, but SS6 did not realize daddy was with within ear shot.. and he said, "Well, I just wanted Daddy to spend some time with ONLY me and I really wanted to watch the OTHER movie, so I cried because I don't like BS1.."..?? Before I could respond, DH poked his head in the room and said, "Son, that doesn't even make any sense.. you don't like your brother, so you lied about mommabear.. why? Can you explain that to me?" SS just stared at both of us and didn't say antying for a few seconds.. then he says, "I just don't want to watch the movie anymore so I'm gonna go outside and play." My initial thought was 'the hell you are doing ANYTHING fun after pulling this crap.. you're gonna sit in this room and think about what you've done.', but he scampered right past DH and that was that.. DH said, "Don't forget to put your helmet on if you ride your bike."
I was speechless.. I had knots in my stomach and I was screaming inside.. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, DH? After SS shut the door behind him, DH turned to me and said, "Something must be going on with him at his mom's house.. they must be neglecting him, or ignoring him, or being mean to him." All I could say was, "You're amazing.. amazingly IMPOSSIBLE! What is it going to take for you to see that he is NOT a perfect little angel?" I was so mad I didn't speak to him for the rest of the evening.. but he didn't mind, he kissed SS's ass and snuggled with him and catered to him all night.
I'm done.. I'm SOOOOO done with this crap. :O
(No subject)
:jawdrop:
I'm pissed for you - that
I'm pissed for you - that shit is ridiculous. I wish I had good, comforting words for you but I don't. I'm sorry. I'd be done too!
OMG. That's all I can say.
OMG. That's all I can say.
I am so sorry. You must feel
I am so sorry. You must feel so betrayed. Why is it that I suspect these DH's know exactly what's going on, and maybe they're just doing this out of resentment or to make the wife feel bad about themselves? Maybe I'm just paranoid, maybe they are simply clueless. It's as if they go out of their way to put the blame of their kids behavioral problems on the SM.
I just cringed when I read that your DH said "hmmm..." in response to you defending yourself. My SO does this hmmm... thing all the time to me when we argue. This is his passive way of letting me know he thinks everything that comes out of my mouth is BS. I wish he would just say BS! Instead of 'hmmm...' all the time.
Onefootout.. the "hmmmmm"
Onefootout.. the "hmmmmm" thing makes me want to punch him in his face! lol That is exactly how it makes me feel.. like he thinks I'm full of crap and telling him lies. :?
He doesn't realize that he is
He doesn't realize that he is raising a son to be a manipulating bastard. It's natural for young kids to do stupid stuff. That's when parents are supposed to parent and point them in the right direction.
Exactly, oldone! What I
Exactly, oldone! What I didn't explain is that we have dealt with this coming from SS MANY times before. DH ALWAYS turns a blind eye to it.. and chalks it up to "He's just a kid.." I absolutely agree.. HE'S JUST A KID.. however, kids need to be taught right from wrong and they need guidance and discipline.. but for whatever reason, he gets soooo offended when I point out that SD or SS has done something reprimandable.. like I'm singling them out and picking on them. I can't imagine why he would feel that way, because I am tough on my biokids.. I do NOT tolerate that crap from them.. I have very high expectations of them, and he LOVES that I deal with my boys in this way.. he tells me that he respects my parenting style so much, because he was never held to any standards, was spoiled rotten, and was (self-admittedly) a BAD KID!! OK - so why, then, is it GREAT for my kids to be raised this way, but not his? I just can't understand this one? Does he WANT his kids to be rotten, rude, disrespectful, etc..?? I just don't get it!
Oh Mommabear!!! The scene you
Oh Mommabear!!! The scene you just described was MY life until I disengaged. Skid was the same way, same spiteful lies, same manipulations, same bullshit, and DH was the exact same way as yours. Made me want to puke, scream, cry, pull my hair out, claw his eyes out, and tell him to go take a flying fucking leap off of a very high cliff!!! When I read posts like these, I get filled with anger for the poster and get pissed at my DH all over again. It is a total crock of shit. These kids learn how to wrap Daddy from an EARLY age, I don't care what any of the naysayers say. They KNOW what they are doing and the pushover pussy DH's damn sure know they are in the wrong. They would rather allow the child to do these things, be their friend, let you the SM be the bad cop, let the skid hate you instead of them, essentially using you as a barrier in between them actually having to step up and be a parent. The skid and their puppet on a string dad are a team and we are the opponent and skid loves it and DH allows it and encourages it thru his non stop inaction and guilt parenting. UGH!! Pissed and disgusted for you. :sick:
(No subject)
:sick:
i'd have said something like,
i'd have said something like, "something IS going on at his mom's house. how about a lack of parenting? how about a lack of dicipline? sounds like the same thing going on in THIS house."
The next time SS needed help
The next time SS needed help with a movie it would not be from me.
Next time he needed an opinion it would not be from me.
Just sayin
That's what I meant by "I'm
That's what I meant by "I'm done!".. no more trying to be nice, helpful, loving.. he turns it on me and convinces DH that somehow, behind his back, I'm being mean and evil to him. So from now on, he is on his own.. and the kids is HELPLESS and needs help with everything! DH will soon see just how much I do for SS, because it now all falls on him.. totally and completely!
DH needs to take his son to
DH needs to take his son to the grocery store & handle turning movies on from now on - this is ludicrous !!!!