SS20 has overdosed again...part 3
I'm happy he's doing better. Honestly. I would never wish hurt or harm on SS20, especially because it would in turn, hurt SO. But I am having a REALLY hard time being the least bit sympathetic at this point.
Yes, he is in a great deal of pain. Yes he almost died. I get that. But he did this to himself!! I feel like everyone is just SO happy he's not dead that they're forgetting he overdosed AGAIN! For the 5th time that we know of! This wasn't some freak accident, or someone else's doing. HE DID THIS TO HIMSELF!
So sue me if I don't want to dote upon and soothe him when he cries for his mom and dad. Sue me if I get annoyed that my SO has LITERALLY been gone For 4 days straight because SS is crying for him to stay and BM is now here to be found. (Unless of course you check her fb in which she's checked in at several restaurants with several different men over the last few days). I miss my SO! And it's hard by myself with our other 5 children, one of which is only 3 weeks old!
Not to mention the hospital has SS on not only morphine, but benzos because "his anxiety is through the roof" which both make him a HUGE sloppy sobbing baby and both are some of his narcotics of choice. Great job! Maybe the kid needs to feel the pain and anxiety to REMEMBER what happens when you do drugs! I sure hope they plan to detox him before shipping him off to us!
I just don't want the kid to move backwards when he gets out because everyone is just SO happy he's okay better not put any pressure on him.
Ugh I'm an asshole I know. How do I feel sympathy for someone who consistently hurts themselves??
...my poor, exhausted SO 
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Literally EVERYTHING is about
Literally EVERYTHING is about him right now and I'm personally over it. It's all the family talks about. It's all my SO talks about. If he's home he's on the phone or texting someone about SS or talking to me about SS and while i would never tell him, I just couldn't care less anymore. When it first happened I was heartbroken and had written a post and referred to him as "my family" and BM had a freaking shit fit and forced SO to have me take it down... so I think that may have been the point where I just shut off when it comes to SS. Now everyone is walking on eggshells and babying him and tiptoing instead of being blunt and harsh. Maybe it's just me, but the kid needs a wake up call :/
I have a lot of sympathy and
I have a lot of sympathy and compassion for people who are having problems except when it is self inflicted for the umpteenth time.
I realize that addiction is a disease, but it is a disease with treatment options. If someone has stage 1 cancer (highly treatable) and chooses not to have treatment I will not moan about how "unfair" their death is. They chose not to get treatment. The addict who does not try to overcome their addiction is pretty much like the person with pneumonia who refuses any meds.
And yes it often takes more than one stab at rehab. My SS30 has been in multiple rehabs since he was 13 years old. He almost boasts about being an alcoholic like his maternal grandfather who lived a really long time. His grandfather was just a few years older than I am now. I do not think I have lived a long, long time.
I know I sound horrible - but I personally don't care when the herd gets culled of worthless trash.
I don't think you sound
I don't think you sound horrible at all. You sound like me
So, what he's learning is,
So, what he's learning is, this gets him attention.
It's hard for me to muster up sympathy for someone who brings this on himself (5 times, no doubt) and is then given victim status. He's not a victim. He's not an innocent who has had something bad happen to him. Of course, your SO is glad that his son is okay but you know what? He should also be a little pissed off that his son keeps putting him in this position; the position of coming so close to being a father who has to bury his son. It is shameful and pathetic.
For people like your SS, hitting rock bottom is not coming close to dying, it's losing everything and everybody close to them. As long as people rally around him like he's a victim and he's not to blame, he won't learn a damn thing. As long as those close to him are just so glad that he's alive and are willing to overlook what he's done to himself AND his loved ones, nothing will change. There will be another OD.
THIS!!!!!!! I seriously
THIS!!!!!!!
I seriously could not have said it better!
yes the attention thing has been a long long ongoing thing. Usually he will threaten to kill himself and everyone feels bad and overlooks everything. The first time I saw it first hand was Valentine's day, the second OD. We went to pick up SS and SO, instead of being angry or forcing him to take any responsibility, he just kept tiptoing around what had happened and gave up when SS started to cry and say "I wish I HAD died". I was like, give me a freaking brrak! SO and I had our first serious fight after we dropped SS off and we almost split then! This kid has been manipulating everyone since he was a kid. Therapists have even said this.
I have no sympathy
The worst thing for me is SO
The worst thing for me is SO openly admitting he has given up trying to help SS. Says he knows he can't do anything else for the kid and that he has to want it for himself, but then he goes right back to babying him. It iinfuriateinfuriates me... but. I know he can't help it. I'd never give up on my kids, but I would certainly do a lot of things differently.
Does he go to Nar-anon
Does he go to Nar-anon meetings? They might give him some support and advice on how to help his son, instead of enabling him. I've not been myself so cannot attest to their usefulness but it would be worth a try.
I don't have any helpful
I don't have any helpful advice to offer. (My skids are all little) I'd just like to say that you are NOT an asshole. Sometimes your sympathy just runs out when people won't learn from their mistakes. Also I'd like to repeat ripleyV2's advice to see if the family can come help you with the kids & baby. That's a great idea.
Shipping him off to you?
Shipping him off to you? Wait, really? No way. He needs to be shipped off to rehab. Inpatient rehab.
NO WAY IN HELL would I allow
NO WAY IN HELL would I allow him in my home, ESPECIALLY since we have a new baby and I'm not trying to take care of more than one!! However I know wherever he goes, I imagine someone in the family will offer ugh, he's going to be a serious long-term burden because SO will want to be there through entire recovery. Which he should... don't get me wrong... but I need him now too... and everyone keeps making me feel selfish for wanting him around right now
(everyone meaning BM, family, and SO) 
Tell me about it. But this
Tell me about it. But this kid does what he wants when he wants. We've even had him sanctioned, but they kick them out after 2 weeks to places where they can come and go as they please. SO recommended a psychiatric facility but I said that was the last thing he needed, as he is an expert manipulator (knows how to get drugs or tells them what they want to hear to release him). He's going to have a lot of physical therapy and a long recovery after what happened (more details in my previous posts) but I 100% believe jail is the best option for this kid. Tough love and jail time. Enough is enough.
So he is ditching his whole
So he is ditching his whole family and leaving you to tace care of 5, including a newborn, to coddle the one he admits can only be saved if he really wants to?
Read what Tog says above and decide what you are willing to put up with. And make it clear to your DH. Does he really want to sacrifice the rest of the family for this one "child"?
NA might be a good step for your DH. But you can't control what he does, only what you will accept.
My heart goes out to you. Please take care of yourself.
I feel for you and your
I feel for you and your family. I have some dear friends in a very similar situation. Addiction is tearing them apart. Their son is now in jail and sadly enough, it is the only time they can really sleep well at night. At least then they know he isn't going to OD. They have taken on the tough love stance and are all refusing to allow him to come home. He has stolen from them, lied and caused them so much pain. My friend recently posted an article about the mindset of an addict. It basically states there comes a time when the addict's love for the drug outweighs their love for their family. This is when you have to say NO MORE HELP and let them succeed or fail on their own. I know it sounds easy to say if you don't have an addict as a child so I am not trying to tell you or your DH how to handle this. I feel for you all in this difficult time and know that there are too many people in this situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I pray your SS can finally get clean.