That's pretty good. If its supposed to be like that in the parenting plan, you could remind her if she doesn't stick to those guidelines she will be held in contempt...just a thought.

I think it is great that you are being proactive about it. But honestly I think giving her guidelines will make her more crazy about it. If its like our case telling BM not to do something only ensures that she will do it even more.

We just went with 100% ignore!!! It worked for us It took a while but we ignored her each and every time. I know this probably won't work in most cases but SD is older and there is not really a need for so much communication. Our BM was terrible she was calling our cell phones our office texting she was relentless.

Do you really think she will behave accordingly? Seriously?

You cannot control what people say and do in email form. All you CAN do is redirect her attention... If she sends you a long email about crap, pull out the important information ... blahblahblahblahblahblah. The game is at 6:30pm blahblahblahblahblah ... and respond with "SS will be at the game at 6pm to prepare for him game." And that is all.

She emails you crap because she CAN and because she knows it pisses you off.

Although noticing your SS is only 8 does not give either of you the right to pass messages through the boy. He is a child not a messenger service. Any one will tell you it is not going to serve you anything by allowing a child to pass messages. If he goes to the Dr his father should know. What if the 'cough' turns out to be pneumonia?

When the BM here decided she wanted nothing to do with DH she allowed her sons to be messengers. The boys learnt VERY quickly what to tell their father and what not to tell him. The stress showed in their behaviour. They became secretive. And in time the OSS found out he could do anything he wanted because his parents failed to communicate and he got away with all kinds of crap because his mother didn't speak to his father.

If you need to say ANYTHING I would put something like ... BM, please keep your emails brief and to the point. I am not interested in your private life nor are the insults very flattering. Every insult you point my way reflects back on our son as he carries half my DNA. So let's both be adults, back off on the insults and put downs and keep this business-like. If you choose to behave differently you may want to remember emails can be saved and are admissible in court.

Although PLEASE do not allow an 8 yr old to be a messenger about Drs appointments and sports games and practices.

this is what works for my exh and I who were both known for the boundary pushing when contacting each other, it went on for a year after the divorce when I think we both just got sick of it. He'd text me something about the kids and thrown in a dig or nasty comment. I would only respond to the msg about the kids. I'd text him about the kids and throw out a dig or comment he wouldn't respond AT ALL. Oh that burned my ass, so I'd do it back he'd text me info I wouldn't respond. Now neither of ignored kid stuff that required a response, just any and all digs or comments.
We just stopped picking on each other, because it stopped working.
Don't use kids as messengers ever. Don't give her guidelines I'm sure if my exh had I'd of pushed them ever chance I got simply cause I knew it would get to him. Our non response to anything not kid related made our ability to parent better for our kids. I'm glad he ignored me, it helped to curtail what could of become a really long pattern of nastiness. The bad thing about ex's are they know your buttons. Ignoring someone is something they can do nothing about.

The using kids as messengers when they are smaller is prob not going to be reliable. I guess it depends on the kid. There are some things that it would be ok for, like sports schedules etc. But often, even my 13 is questionable. I have had to text my ex just to verify.

My SO ex w is a hateful spiteful wench, and the standard we have, is she doesn't contact me AT ALL. period. No phone calls texts emails, fb. Etc. But she also thinks there is a pending harassment case, and she also thinks I CAN'T wait to get enough to press charges. I had to use a little reverse psychology on her, and now she thinks she is winning by NOT sending me anything. She was harassing me, and everytime she found out we had a fight, or problem, she would send me nasty emails about Hahaha, told you, my son hates you too crap. I tried ignoring her, but it did not work, and none of her contact was actually child related. And if she called and was rude asking to speak to her son, I hung up.

SO has tried many times to make here adhere to only about the kids. She usually does pretty good, unless she hears something she doesnt like. Like the fact that he's not giving her money etc. And SO is usually pretty good about ignoring her when she starts in, but sometimes it soooo hard NOT to engage.

Sending her guidelines, might be a start, but its going to have to be constantly reinforced. If she throws a nasty comment in there, you guys are going to just have to ignore her. Or respond with 'when you can leave your nasty remarks out, we can discuss this. Or just tell her you didn't get the memo!

8 yrs old, is getting up there, so SS can actually fill you guys in when need be. I wouldn't count on it but its possible. You might even get the same questions I did. "why did you hang up on my mom, why don't you talk to my mom, didn't mom tell you"

And I respond, because she was saying some very ugly things, and it wasn't nice, and much like you don't want people being ugly to you, I don't either. Or something to that effect. And SO has had to answer the same questions, and he responds, because I don't want to, because you are here, and I want to spend time with you, and notagain, and SS13 so we can enjoy our dinner. Or, she was screaming at me, and I'm not going to argue with her.

Sorry, but if she wants to pull that crap, and make us look like the problem, at some point, you have to defend yourself. And SS needs to see that. What better chance to teach a child how to stand up and learn respect, and how to treat a bully.

BM used to send 3-5 page letters. DH only responded to what was relevant & was consistent. Like training a puppy, eventually she got a clue & stopped.

Yeah DH AND THIS STATE have a whole childrens bill of rights like this, wait then we had all these spiffy little guidelines in the court order. Dont waste your time. And contempt good luck it was brought up every time and ignored. And we had some doozy's too like one email thats said, BM: I left DD's read your email and I explained to them you dont love them. The judge did raise an eyebrow that she was showing then the email.

I once found a blog online by some guy with a crazy ex wife, he talked about low to no contact emails. His techniques do work...I wish I could remember the websight

Just return every abusive email to her with a canned response"

"Abusive messages are ignored."

And ignore everything in the message.

It makes no sense to give a woman who you've deemed as "difficult" a list of dos and don'ts.
You are setting yourself up for nothing but frustration, because you are essentially telling BM EXACTLY how to bug you. Not a good plan.
Simply ignore the emails and texts that aren't pertinent.

Remember, you can only control yourself. You cannot control others. Realizing and accepting that will do wonders as you navigate steplife.

Madusa is just like this! DO NOT let her know what drives you crazy! She will make it even worse. Just ignore them unless it's absolutely necessary to give a response. If she's anything like Madusa she gets off on even an "ok" response.