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Hardest thing in the world....

mmm1's picture

I have decided supporting a husband that has children from a previous marriage is the hardest thing in the world.
I have tried to be supportive, and I have tried to back off and not show emotions towards my sk's. Neither way works.
We are going through some very rough stuff right now and the man I am living with is not my real husband. He has changed so much. It might be due to the PTSD he is suffering from the death of his son that occured 20 months ago. NOt sure what is going on. I do know that no matter what I am in this for the long hawl. I am in it to help him anyway I can I know I am supposed to be. But I know also that no matter what this sucks!

Comments

Dudes Mom's picture

It is the hardest thing in the world, you are right about that. All I can say is just be strong and stand up for yourself, and good luck

herewegoagain's picture

agree. I am the mom of an autistic son...people complain about how hard it is having these kids...it is NOTHING in comparison to the stress that the ex-crazy and skid bring to our home...

MaGoose2010's picture

Hey Crayon, your story sounds just like mine from the respect that your 1st hubby walked out on you with an infant (I was 4 months pregnant) & 2nd hubby was a loser alcoholic (didn't beat me, but was a sexual predator & pervert). 3rd time around... I am scared to marry again.

I have also been down the same roads and I must say this third relationship has been the most emotionally draining for me. I don't know if it's because I am close to menopause or the fact that these skids are seriously more dysfunctional than the last skids were.

MaGoose2010's picture

Isn't it amazing how the other bio-parents often get away with all the bs that SM's have to deal with on a daily basis!! Our BM complains bitterly when SS14 goes to her for holidays ..about how he doesn't want to bath, how he's mouthy with her, how he wants label clothes etc She can't cope with him when he's there and phones us continually to ask what she must do...I just mumble 'suck it up b*tch...you gave birth to it!' and my FH walks away so she can't hear my comments!

DaizyDuke's picture

I used to work with a woman who lost her 15 year old daughter in a car accident. That was almost 10 years ago and she is definately not the same person she was before this happened. She was recently forced to take early retirement because her job performance had gotten so consistently poor.

The "brass" always seemed to be getting after her about one thing or another (missed time, poor performance etc) and her supervisor actually made the comment one day that she couldn't use the excuse of losing her daughter to justify her poor job performance anymore. However, I disagreed... who can put a time limit on such a thing? Should your life go back to normal after 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, EVER?? I'm of the opinion that losing a child has to be a life altering experience, one that you never recover from.

Thank goodness your husband has you to give him love and support during this difficult time. But I can understand how difficult it is for you as well. My heart goes out to you.

mmm1's picture

Thank you all!
A question was asked if my hubby is in grief counseling. No he should be. LOL My grad program is in Mental Health Therapy and he feels that it is a bit different and weak men go to counseling.
It is really hard. I got him to go once and he wont go back Sad

I agree it is very difficult having sk's, and a hubby that is steal dealing with the grief and loss of his kids per say as BM moved them 450 miles away after the divorce. Then to lose his son in a accident that was just that an accident and to see it happen has caused some PTSD for him. However, I guess the counselor in me wants him to go talk to someone. The spouse in mean is trying to support and help when he will let me. A hard balance.

Thanks everyone