I have friend in the same position. Ive encouraged him to stay as weel. Outside of lack of physical intamacy his wife has no real "deal breaker"

I am no expert on marriage or parenting. Have actually been married a tiny amount of my adult life and have no children.

But I seem to be the one that lots of people come confide in so I know a lot of stuff that is not public knowledge. And I keep my mouth shut.

There can be all the intimacy and passion in the world but a relationship is doomed if there is no respect. I think more marriages end because of utter disrespect for the other's welfare (read a lot of the crap here) than because of the quality of the sex life.

It's funny how many people are convinced that men always want sex and that women are not giving it to them. I wish I had a dollar for every friend that has told me how seldom her man wants sex. A friend who just divorced said her husband had not had sex with her in six years no matter what she did to try.

It is socially acceptable for men to complain about their lack of sex life but most women do not publicize that until after the relationship is over. It can be very hurtful to a woman to have a man (who in theory always wants sex) reject her.

But I do have to admit to being utterly bewildered when a friend tells me that her partner is her best friend in the world and that she loves him - but oh by the way she wants a divorce.

My DH was given the following scenario by his now-ex when he suggested divorcing. "I think you can live in the basement and we can divorce when the youngest is 18. You do your thing and I will do mine. We share the bills and each live our own lives." He actually considered this as an option because his sons would still have 2 parents in the same home.

Apparently his mother and later myself offered the following advice..."Perfect! It works out just fine. Although your sons grow up and see this model as the perfect marriage. Married couple never talking, spending time together, sleeping together, having their own lives. And in the end you still divorce and the obligation you stayed is placed upon the kids shoulders."

Is that a marriage of a living arrangement? They could still get divorced and stay living in the same house. Although in future someone will want more individual freedom and want out.

I would hate for my kids to be forced to watch their parents relationship dwindle and die. The tension in the house would be palpable. Not to mention the kids would end up with a very warped image of marriage. You run the risk of your children choosing a partner the same as you chose or choosing someone who is excessively clingly and needy (the exact opposite of your relationship).

Oneoffour's reply is the one that makes the most sense to me.

Our children watch what we do and how we relate to each other in our relationships. I cannot say I want my young DD growing up to see me in a heartless/loveless/affectionless relationship.

Yes, it would work for the adults to an extent, but what about what I would be teaching this girl child of mine?

That sort of living arrangement has confused many children in those households. In my personal experience with my now DH he did just that with his ex. His son now resents him because he felt like since all was well, why did Dad have to leave and break up a "happy" home. He and his ex were living under the same roof with a business in mind, not a marriage. That was how they both grew up as their parents generations did stay for the sake of the household business to be run (wive's didn't contribute a whole lot and dad's couldn't afford to keep two home so they stayed) and that's the way it was.

When he left the son wondered why he needed to go be "happy" and find love in the second half of his life. The son wondered why if they had all of these "things" and went to all of these cool places and the family was the perfect image of perfection, why on earth was he leaving? The son is still so angry with his dad and in addition to the bashing from his mom, it is like his dad daring to be happy was blasphemous! He told his dad, "I go to school and get good grades, that's my job...your job is to keep this family together!" When he told me that I was blown away because this kid had no idea what he was saying...that basically dad has no right to be happy, only to keep all well and comfy for everyone else, son included.

He had a hard time explaining to his son that he was no longer in love with his mom, that all he did in the house was write checks (she refused to work) and had no say in anything, that he was tired of fighting behind closed doors, tired of living in a miserable state, tired of pretending all was well, tired of drinking to numb the anger and sadness he was living with. He explained how he CHOSE to travel for work after retiring from the military and working as a contractor, he picked jobs that required him to travel so he could get away from the house. He had to try to get his son to understand that he didn't know who he was anymore because he'd allowed her to dictate their lives and keep up this image. He couldn't get this kid to understand it at the time because he was 15 but, he felt, he needed to get that he was not abandoning the family but was finally going to reclaim his happiness...that he could be a better father to him if he were happy and not merely existing.

There was tension in the home constantly but that was all the kids knew so they accepted it as normal.

The parents never showed each other any affection, that's all the kids knew and thought it was normal.

The parents didn't laugh together and kid around with each other, these kids are very serious and rarely laugh as if it's unacceptable to laugh with not a care in the world and be silly or show affection. They look at us like we are crazy when we dance around and play wrestle and touch each other in passing. They are like WTF?

That is not a healthy way to raise children if we want them to go on to have healthy relationships filled with love and happiness. Lead/teach by example...

Just my two cents...

I don't agree at all why take what could be an amicable split and make it devastating with cheating, oh sure lets take an unhappy situation and make it hell how's that going to work for the kids, just brilliant right?
If they just aren't feeling into it anymore get a divorce be happy for the opportunity to both find someone else and parent together without the anger and bitterness adultery brings.
Sorry stupidest advice ever Ashley Madison can burn in hell making one problem bigger with more problems is not the way to go.

That too, Tangiell is a tragedy in situations like the one some of the others are suggesting.

"kids are not stupid and they will would eventually realize the situation"

Dad/Mom cheated but they stayed at home...win win for all, right....NOT!