Nutshell:

The other day at her doctor appt., BM got the idea from something the doctor said in passing that I had requested for SSs records to be transferred to another doctor. (I never did this; recently I had my records transferred to a doctor who was closer and then I requested for DH's to be as well- small family practice, they got the ball rolling but of course needed authorization from him before they could actually transfer the records.)

So even after going to the front desk and being told that there were no requests on the boys' records, but that due to HIPPA they wouldn't be able to tell her who made the request had there been one, she decided to freak out on DH. Ranting "I know she did it!", "She did something illegal and is acting inappropriate in her role as stepmother!" texts, profanity-laced voicemails, you name it. I called the office and was told that she had been told that there were no requests, DH called the office and was told the same thing. No matter what he told her, she would not believe that I had not done this and her texts became more and more scathing and disparaging about me.

So finally I texted her and told her it was ridiculous that she wouldn't just ask me. I was perfectly civil, and of course anything she sent back was rude, vitriolic, awful. It didn't escalate as I remained professional, while she continued to tell me what an awful person I am, how I am trying to "...take her children...", etc...basically the texting got me nowhere so I tried to appeal to her as a mom, as I've done many times before. And of course never got anywhere. I have finally learned my lesson about trying to get through to her- it's probably never gonna happen! So I am disengaged from her where communication is concerned. I will never be texting or e-mailing her again, and I am for damn sure not going out of my way to help her directly (bringing the boys to drop-offs nearer to her house, etc...) until her behavior changes.

The doctor's office very kindly prepared letters that state that I did not request the boys' records, and I scanned them so that DH could send an e-mail saying that because of her treatment of me, she has put their communication in jeaopardy....what she did was very serious.....etc....I appreciate that he went to bat for me even though he knows that no one will ever succeed in getting through to her- and that this was the last straw for her.

So a person who wasn't a narcissist would probably have looked at those letters and, maybe, apologized to the person they had slandered, right? Well, she is textbook NPD and let me tell you- the event has now turned into MY fault. Oh, and it didn't happen the way the texts and voicemails indicate!! This is all about me and the fact that I chose to contact her. She never accused me of anything, according to her new texts to DH- she claims she was "confused" about what the doctor said and once she got clarification from the office, she was fine. So because I contacted her to defend myself, that is what started all this! Apparently she finds it really stressful when I contact her directly. (And DH and I don't find it at all stressful when she sends horrid vms and 20 texts, all furiously accusing me of things I didn't do?) I am so glad I have facts to back this all up. Because of course, even though I am only the stepmother, and therefore have NO rights, don't share custody of her boys with her, and she and I need never have any type of contact, it is still terrible that she thinks she can say whatever she wants to anyone she wants about me doing illegal, overstepping, inappropriate things (none of which I have done or would ever do!) and NEVER HAVE TO ANSWER FOR THEM.

So of course she texted him that they will be going to court as planned....I'm not sure if it will happen or not....but man is she nuts. I will be curious to see how this all turns out.