Always surprised when BM does this- does anyone else's BM do this?
So every once in a while, BM will run a "theme" in her correspondence of crazy that relates to some intimate (albeit non-sexual thus far) detail of their relationship. This week it is her knowledge of DH's relationship with his parents and his past health history. She brings up a small detail or two in each text or email.
I have begun to think that these women (narcissists? Ex-wives in general?) bring these things up because this relationship they have with their ex-husbands continues to be the most intimate relationship in their lives, whether they've moved on with another relationship or not. If they perceive themselves as scorned, if they still love their ex, if they hate their ex, etc.....it is still the source of most of their emotion and certainly keeps them connected to their ex. I have a friend who still makes remarks to her ex about his clothing choices, hearkening back to their married days ("You never wore that pattern when we were married", etc...and each time she tells us of one of these exchanges we cringe and tell her she's overstepping). It's fucking creepy.
How do you handle it if she does this? Just ignore it? Last week ours texted DH that "no way he wasn't getting dementia like his mother" (who just died in August after a horrible time with dementia) and that he "abandoned his parents".
She's truly one of the filthiest creatures in the land!
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Omg they might be related.
Omg they might be related. Gag.
I love the "500,000 months pregnant"! When are you due? I hope that you find some comfort- those last days can be so rough.
Sounds like a manipulation
Sounds like a manipulation tactic to reestablish intimacy and maintain control.
Ignore, redirect to the subject at hand, and don't feed the narc any kibble is what I advise.
Thanks Ex!! That is exactly
Thanks Ex!! That is exactly what he has been doing.
Mine does this to a mild
Mine does this to a mild degree. That's an interesting insight that it reveals him to be the most intimate relationship of her life. It is certainly true. It fits with her need to chat with him (which we have finally mostly extinguished).
She even had the audacity to show me her wedding pictures when we were engaged. I don't think she was being spiteful -- I think she truly had no idea it was inappropriate. Oh, and of course that the important thing about their wedding was not who the groom was and the commitment they were trying to make -- it was the colors. Gotta show me the colors. (insert eyeroll here)
(No subject)
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
Wow I am now so curious as to
Wow I am now so curious as to what their engagement photos looked like. And it's making me nauseous at the same time. Lol......
Our BM inserts herself all
Our BM inserts herself all the time. I posted on here about how she sent a flower arrangement for thanksgiving to my MIL when they have not spoken a single word since the divorce. I think now she does it to stay relevant, which she isn't.
My SD is 28. You'd think this would stop,but no.
Good luck.
OMG, 28!! I recently cleaned
OMG, 28!! I recently cleaned out my Facebook of a part of my family- my uncle's grown kids- who still speak of their father and stepmother as if they did something wrong- and their mother is as much a narcissist as our BM. I could not give them the "they were just kids and didn't ask for their situation" pass anymore. They are old enough that they should see their mother for what she is. I guess I should prepare for when that same thing happens to me with my skids.
These women are children! And they totally mess their kids up.
"I believe these women just
"I believe these women just want to stay relevant. They don't have to actually separate because they still have minor children binding them, so I think it's harder for insecure, emotionally unintelligent women to still hang on."
That makes perfect sense, HR!
I wish they would grow TF up and leave us alone! :O
oh yes - I have a crazy one
oh yes - I have a crazy one like that as well...
and I dread this week-end, cause it's a mile stone birthday for FIL, BM has not spoken to FIL or MIL in 13 years, she left telling them they are low class people..... she once called when FIL had his stroke and he put the phone down in her ear...
well believe it or not, she's going to show herself this week-end.... I over heard her and Aergia talking and I know Aergia is staying with BM this week-end, and Aergia so wants to be at this party, BM said I will take you we can make a day out of it...
believe me Saturday is going to be so much fun!!! last time SIL and BM was in the same room there was some punching going on lol... I missed that and would love to see something like that again!!!
counting off the hours to
}:) }:) }:) counting off the hours to Saturday.... making sure my camera is fully charged, hell I'm going to record everything.... and will post it on youtube....
will guarantee ETV calling me the next day for a reality show... I'm going to be rich...
Ugh BM is the worst for this.
Ugh BM is the worst for this. First of all, she tells DH way too many details so he's always trying to cut conversations short. She'll message him about SD just for an in into a conversation about her problems with her boyfriend or whatever. Also... back when they were together, she got his first initial tattooed on herself, so a couple of months ago, she messaged him telling him she doesn't plan to remove it because he gave her the best thing in the world, SD. (this is the BM that barely sees or talks to SD - doesn't call or try to see her on her birthday, christmas, etc. and basically doesn't care to be a mom whatsoever).
He was just like.. um ok? than told me all about it and showed me the conversation. It was clear she was reaching for some type of affirmation from him like "you're right BM, we truly created a wonderful child together, maybe we should get back together" hahaha she's nuts
That would make me sick-
That would make me sick- luckily I have no idea if the BM does this- I've never met her, refuse to meet her, and also refuse to hear one word about her from my fiancé mouth- not a complaint, story, issue about her- nothing.
Last three contacts by BM
Last three contacts by BM before she was blocked from everywhere were to:
1. Asking DH to admit that he still loves her
2. Telling him he saw someone following her in the car and asking him to admit he hired people to kill her so he doesn't have to pay her alimony
3. Telling DH that he saw his lawyer in a grocery store and asking DH to admit that he hired his lawyer to spy on her
Not kidding here. Ours is certifiably nuts
Oh yeah. She has been
Oh yeah. She has been evaluated in the past/hospitalized briefly etc there is lots to this story but I do want to stay anonymous. So I can only share that much.
The sad parts she always refused to take meds because they made her gain weight and that's why she continues being unwell. Her family is just as unwell or even worse so they cannot intervene. One SD is estranged from her and the other says she has been smoking pot with her pot dealer and it calms her down. DH took a lot of abuse from her including physical.
I sympathize with mental illness but if she refuses treatment/meds I have no sympathy
The BM has a nickname for my
The BM has a nickname for my SO - she calls him "Crazy". As in the following text - "good morning crazy blah blah blah". Makes me want to smack the crazy right out of her, and I am a very non-violent person.
When we first were in our relationship, SO was separated, and she would text him about her various dating adventures (having sex with a guy in a wheelchair was interesting material to send your ex...) And she would send him sexy texts when drinking, up until a year ago last December. I caught it, he did not tell me, and when I saw it, I blew up, and she claimed that I was simply jealous. Well, 6 months later the divorce was final in August 2016!!! She really had a fit when the process first started, and turned very mean and ugly...er
At the last pool party she had for SD10 last year, she made a stupid comment about the maroon 5 hot hate sex pop hit, being "her and my SO's song". I said bluntly "oh you have a song?" in front of everyone. I don't like myself when I am being petty, but this woman doe not understand boundaries, and has absolutely NO respect for others (part of SD17 issue too)
But yes, BM shares all kind of personal details about her current relationship, and seems like she wants to stay relevant in that way. She even asked my SO if the sex was better with me (definitely is), I got REALLY upset about that...and he thought it would make me happy that he was bragging about our intimate life. Geeze. WEll things have quieted a lot, and there's only 6 more years where they have to do kid exchange. 6 looooooong years. I know they will always have the bond of having children together, but that's how my cookie crumbled with not having children, and now being too old.
Yes, I love my sweetie. I often wonder how they ended up being together for 21 years. He always has same answer as he points to Skids.
BM sent a horrible long
BM sent a horrible long dramatic letter to DH, all about the details ("How many times have you cheated on me in our marriage?" "Is she better at sex than I am?" "When was the last time you thought about having sex with me?").....he never responded and at the time I thought it was cruel- thought she just wanted closure or to catch him in something (since he did not cheat on her with me). Now I am so glad. And since I write this initial post, she has moved on to saying "I am incredibly intuitive and I can feel that there is something wrong with you"- to him. He had a benign brain tumor years ago and she seems intent on it being back. He thinks all because he called it as he saw it when she sent her disgusting texts about his mom and the dementia. It is just such an ugly yet pathetic circle.