Time to disengage. Obviously Dad wants to be a friend to his offspring and not a parent. You are now the ogre and it is dad and son vs. SM

This is why I advocate for separate residences until skids have flown the coop.

Yeah well good luck trying to convince your DH his little special snowflake needs to do his part around the house. I am in the same boat. Trying to get my DH to see how he is raising self righteous kids who will turn into self righteous adults one day.

Did you ask him to go ahead and do it now or tell him he could wait? I don't think either really deserves discipline. How he acted after you responded is key. As for dirty clothes on a kids floor that never hurt anyone. As long as ds does his laundry i don't care if ds dirties are on his floor and your dh may feel the same.

What was your response to him asking if it could wait until tomorrow?

I've told my skids before that if they don't agree/understand with something I'm asking them to do, they are welcome to RESPECTFULLY ask questions or to clarify. Sometimes I know I can be over controlling and as long as they're respectful about questioning I don't mind taking another look at my reasoning behind a request. They are just kids, and just as I may want to put off a chore because I'm exhausted or just don't have it in me at the moment, sometimes it's okay for them to as well. Of course if it just never gets done, or asking to put off the chore gets overly used, then that's a whole other story.

Dirty clothes on his bedroom floor is quite different (and normal) than not doing what one of the adults in the home asks him to do.

My SD was 5 when I started dating DH and she already knew that when an adult asked/told her to do something, she did it. DH taught her to respect the adults in her life.

"His dad looks at me like I have a second head and they close the door to continue playing video games"

How old is SS? He certainly doesn't have a good role model to see Dad just shut the door closed in your face. Kid is getting mixed messages. One expecting SS to do as told when told and one *yawn* don't bother us.

This is probably something to discuss and work out with your DH when SS isn't present. So what are the house rules? Does SS have expectations of routine task that he is always responsible of doing or is it more his tasks are random and when asked to do something?

I find regular assigned expected household tasks easier along with the occasional additional request. Example, the kids knows not to be playing video games in his room when the room hasn't been cleaned. But in your case that rule/expectation just went out the window if you walk by and find Dad and SS sitting in the laundry on the floor playing games.

Is the expectation to regularly pick up laundry daily and remove to laundry room? And , depending on age, expectation for SS to do his laundry himself? If so, you have a husband problem along if the problem of SS not doing his tasks. Because there sat Dad stubbing his nose at the expectation , closing door in your face when you spoke up, and clearly showing SS rules don't need followed.

So what was your discussion with your husband when DH finally emerged from SS's room? DH and you are not on the same page. And obviously Dad isn't going to hand out any discipline when Dad is sitting there in disagreement with you that SS has done anything wrong.

Doesn't matter how you were as a child or what was expected of you when told to do something. SS isn't you and Dad is not the parents who raised you. What's going to count now is is what DH and you can agree on the task are and the consequences of violations on SS's part.

A door in your face? Lady , you're not going to win this battle until or unless your DH and you can come to an agreement. In no way am I saying you must tolerate being disobeyed and disrespected, no, I don't think your DH is correct and you're wrong. But what I am saying is if Dad doesn't agree with you the problem isn't your SS, it's your DH and his parenting. If Dad believes his way of parenting is right, there is no battle to fight. You can't force people to change. All you can do is figure out what you will do about it.

The bigger issue is Your DH dismissing you by closing the door in your face. No wonder the kid does not respect your request to put away the cans.

Stop buying canned soda. Problem solved. Tap water is better for the kid than soda.

The dirty clothes are separate issue. Another DH problem as he was happy to sit in the room and play video games with the kid rather than say...hey son pick up these clothes and put in hamper or washer while we play a game. And go put those cans away like SM asked you to do.

If he had closed the door in my face there would be no dinner on the table that night. Out to dinner for me and mine it would be.

The issue isn't the cola cans or SS. The issue is DH being a disrespectful brat and closing the door in your face. You bet your ass if DH did that to me that door would be broken down and the video game system would have been out the window.

Disengage. The extent of your engagement should be throwing the things and trash SS might leave around the house into his room and forgetting about it. Your DH will throw a massive fit when he realizes he actually has to parent his kid because your disengagement will start to affect his quality of life.

stop buying the cola then.......

if he leaves a mess, simply trash everything and relax, or tell DH to do so