Thank you to everyone for the support and advice on the "I'm going to stab you" incident. After some great advice (from all of you in this wonderful support group) I did step back and attempt to look at the situation objectively. I went into SS5's room and very sternly told him that we do NOT say things like that. We do NOT act on those words. He, of course, retorted with "they weren't playing fair/ I wanted the red one/ I don;t know how to take turns" yada yada on and on. I used an example I was given (a thousand thank you's for this one) and told him "I do not recall asking for your excuses, it was NOT acceptable." I made him apologize to ten year old little brother, and he spent the remainder of the day in his room. I then contacted DH to inform him of what had happened. Here's where things went back to frustrating.

Me: *relays the story and subsequent punishment.

DH: Good, he can stay in his room for the day. That was egregiously bad. I can't believe he would say that, much less try to do it.

Me: I know. I was pissed, but I calmed down before I dealt with him (we have a history with the "you were angry, so obviously you were picking on my child" thing most SM's have to deal with). He kept making excuses, I told him I didn't want to hear it. I don't think I should have him pack for Gran's.

DH: No, he should still go to Gran's. It needs to be something outrageously bad to warrant him missing that.

Me: Even after the attitude, the backtalk, and the issues we've been having with Gran? Alright, I'll have him packed I guess...

So he went to Gran's. Against my wishes, but hey, not my kid right? Then, of COURSE, he came back from Gran's last night in a foul mood. Had he been bathed in the last 24 hours? Nope. Changed clothes? Nope. Put on pajamas for bedtime? Nope. Taken his allergy meds? Nope. He came back with hair matted, nose snotty and nasty (he played with all the cousins, so he came home sick after having been stuck with other sick children), skin irritated, sun-burnt, and lacking a sense of boundaries. As usual. All of this I pointed out to DH as soon as SS5 walked in the door. No response.

I'm sorry DH, I know you have an overwhelming sense of family with your ex in-laws for some unknown reason, but this has serious implications for my family. As long as he or anyone else in the house (with three kids in the house, the cold will spread like wildfire) is sick I can not visit my family. I now have to cancel all of my plans for the next week, possibly two. Not to mention, who will be taking care of captain crank-ass? Oh yeah, that would be me.

*deep cleansing breath*

Ok. I can do this. I can keep calm. What's the saying? Keep calm and...eff it? If that's not how it goes, it's certainly how it should go.