Nudging FH to make some changes
So last night we go to SD14 Christmas concert. FH asks if I am going..I said if you want me too. His answer is I want you to go wherever I go. My response is well you have to talk to the SKs and see what they want because I really don't like going where I"M not wanted. I brought up SD19 choosing to have her birthday lunch with just her father (first time in three years because she was mad that I had her blocked on Facebook) and FH going along with it. When we started the relationship our agreement was to present a untied front for special events. He broke that agreement. He said it wouldn't happen again.
SO off to the concert we go!
Walk in and are standing chatting with a friend and SD19 comes up to us. I smile at her but she doesn't even make eye contact. Comes up "Hi dad..blah blah... to me no Helloo..kiss my A**..nothing. Not even an acknowledgement that I'm standing next to her father.
And quite frankly it pissed me off. I haven't seen her since the first week of October when FH brother had died..we were together for most of the funeral gatherings where she spoke to me a little..cried on my shoulder etc. I offered all the support and comfort I could. And then back to this.
So I'm giving FH a week or so to talk to his kids and see exactly how they feel about having me around their functions and such. If they don't want me there then FH will be going solo in the future. But I'm not having them treat me as if i'm invisible in my own home. They can learn to be polite and at least say hello like normal people or not come at all.
Actually I'm ok if they choose not to have me involved. We don't have a close relationship and haven't from the beginning because they were resistant. So if it's out in the open then I can deal with it, rather than subjecting myself to that type of scenario. I do it for FH because he is such a softy and wants everyone to get along but he will just have to realize that we aren't ever going to mix.
We have a couple of functions coming up that involves his extended family (he has 10 brothers and sisters..all of whom like me showed it from the beginning) so I'm curious to see how they act during this time.
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Comments
Gotta tell you ever since I
Gotta tell you ever since I started doing things regarding SD16 all for DH he sees how badly SD treats me. Now he doesn't do anything to change her behavior but he appreciates my efforts and has gotten emotional when I do.
Before he would get upset with me for pointing out SD's rudeness making me the enemy. I decided to retire that label and have not regretted it once.
Play the game.
Oh I'd play this game like a
Oh I'd play this game like a CHAMP. Nothing pisses off someone who is trying to intentionally snub you that for you to refuse to accept their snub.
I'd do a loud "SD19!!!! You look LOVELY tonight! I love your hair/that dress/your make up/how you just glow without make up... whatever works.
I'd work that shit so bad she'd be steaming.
I'm new to this site but just
I'm new to this site but just wanted to say that the same thing happened to me a couple weeks ago. My SS17 was having a senior recognition night at his high school football field (he's in the band) and a week before the event, he asked my DH if just some of the family could be down on the field instead of everyone (we've been together for 7 years, I have 2 kids and he has 4). It wasn't until the night of the event when all the kids, BM, DH, AND SS17's girlfriend were all out on the field that it was ME he didn't want included. So I had to sit on the bleachers and take THEIR family portrait. I felt so humiliated. Afterwards, when they came up to sit at the bleachers, my SD11 and SS13 walked past me to go sit with their mom. I looked at the kids and said "Hi SD & SS!" They looked right past me without an acknowledgement or a word and went to sit with BM. DH who was sitting next to me didn't even notice what went on. When I brought it up to him that it all hurt my feelings, he just responded "Well what do you want me to do?"
That's horrible pinklady! I
That's horrible pinklady! I think that both our DHs needs a kick. We have feelings too!
I really don't think I'm cut out to be able to just ignore that. If they don't want me around fine..just say so and I won't put myself in that position. But SO better be prepared because my house is my comfort zone. If they don't want to be around me they best find somewhere else to do the visiting..because I won't feel like an outsider in my own home.