BM asked last friday if we would take the kids sundays from now on two hours earlier than it used to be. (she used to drop them off at 8 pm, now 6 pm)The reason, she wants to join a bowling leage. First I said "no" because she wants to get rid of the kids earlier for fun time for herself. She just has them over the weekends and once or twice a month we take 'em over night because she wants to go out. My husband didn't care like he never cares about anything that has to do with decisions. So I always end up that has to make the decision and say "yes" or "no". I think that's not very fair to me because it's supposed to be his job and not mine. He complains about BM and then I tell him to talk to her about those issues but when he sees her, he forgets about half of the issues and is just so soft that I think, why should she care what you tell her? He says it like he doesn't even mean it. I have to hold myself back, but most of the time I just can't do it and tell her what I think. She can't change anything when she doesn't know she is doing something wrong. It's not like she would figgure that out herself!
Anyway, after a while I thought, f it, we have the kids most of the week anyway, who cares about those two hours? If she need to go out every sunday night (even that she is broke like hell) and once or twice on a friday or saturday night to socialice and meet men (thank god she is fixed)and spred her Herpies, then that's what she needs to do. I just don't think it's fair to the boys. The thing is that she sucks as a mother but the boys love her so much. Especially the little one, for her the difficult kid that she tried to get rid of at least two times already, loves her very much.
I'm very happy to have little daughter myself, otherwise, I think I couldn't do it. There are just too many emotions. I raise those boys practically and do as much as I can do to help 'em and give them a great, warm home. And it's not like they don't come up to cuddle, but when I tell ss9 that I love him, I don't get a response to it. And sometimes there are just little comments that show me that BM is absolutley No.1. And of course it's ok,...she is their mother and will always be, but it's hard for me to control this emotional rollercoaster all the time. I actually wanted to talk to my husband about it, but I don't think he can understand me. I don't think anybody who is not in the situation of a stepparent can actually understand it.
I know it's a very long blog, but I had to write this off my heart and now I feel much better