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I need your input on this - I was the one with the problem!!! Really?!

meneran's picture

So yesterday we had family lunch. We were going to a restaurant with some other family members. SS9 was with us this weekend so he went as well.

Where it goes all wrong:

Everyone is taking seats. BF is asking his son 'do you want to sit here?' pointing to a chair on his left. 'No, I want to sit here!' answers the kid, pointing to the chair between me and my BF. BF doesnt say anything, he seats the kid right there in between us, and letting me sit on the last chair at the end.

I didnt say a word during the whole lunch. I said fuck it. If you are not willing to accomodate me, i am not going to converse with you.

We came to FMIL house, and after everyone left I told him why he didnt sit with me. He said there was no place on the couch (he thought I was reffering that he didnt sit next to me the entire time at MIL house). I said no, I mean at the restaurant! Then some hell broke loose.

BF: The kid wanted to sit there! What am I supposed to do? Make him do something he doesnt want to do? I see him only every second weekend.
ME: Well, he could sit at the other side, he would still sit next to you, and you would be sitting next to me. You dont ask him where he wants to sit, you are supposed to just seat him.
BF: Well he never has me for himself, you do. I have a kid! Its obviously the problem for you that I have a kid!
ME: He could still have you, just like I would. His mother would do the same! Here we go again with this shit.

At this point BF dragged FMIL into the story, at which she said 'You should know who belongs where. Next time take care of it.'
She is great woman, she knows where kids belong, and how a family should look like. My bf is obvoiusly in denial.

Was I insane one like he thinks?

Comments

meneran's picture

Oh I think this was just his warning. I am gonna watch closely next time the situation occurs, and I guarantee that if the next time does happen, he aint gonna have a pretty time.

The crown from kids head wont fall down if he sits on where he is appointed.

My biggest issue with this is that we were celebrating my birthday (couple days premature).. and that my BF never does this shit when we are at home and kid is around. This is the first time something like this happened.

meneran's picture

He thinks that because he only sees the kid once every 2 weeks that he is not supposed to MAKE the kid DO WHAT HE DOESNT FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL LIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE doing.

You know. He actually just said 'What am I supposed to do? Make him do something he doesnt want to do???' hahaha

Jsmom's picture

We had this problem for a long time. DH has two kids and I have one. So whenever we did anything together, there wasn't enough sides for the kids. I pushed it that we were a couple and he needed to sit next to me. One of his kids always got pissed off and would sulk. Eventually it stopped. But, he had to make a point everytime of saying that he was sitting next to me. It still happens and we have been together now for 5 year.

Your DH has to be assertive. This is easy if there is only one kid. If he doesn't get assertive with this, you have years of entitlement issues ahead of you.

stpmom2b's picture

Are you sure the skid didn't want to sit next to both of you? My skids like to sit by both me and DH. It never bothered me not to sit next to DH. I don't think mine do it for a power play though. They love us both

SteppingUp's picture

Doesn't it suck that it's always the "small" things that get us so fired up, because from a principle standpoint it's a BIG thing? Stuff like this magnifies the fact that we're "not the parent" or that we're pushed aside when skids are around due to the guilty parent not wanting to rock the boat. Sad

I just want to say, after reading your post I expected to scroll down and see atleast a couple of people telling you that you were complaining about something really little and to choose your battles, etc. I think someone last week (was it you, Crayon? sorry...apparently I'm too lazy to go back and see!) posted a blog about how negative things have gotten around here. I didn't respond but wholeheartedly agree. I'm really glad that no one has flamed you for this and that we're all in the same boat, and giving support! Smile