Truth please....does it get better with time
SS14 posted some questionable things on facebook this week. When BD asked him about it he totally had a meltdown and called BM to come and get him (he is at our house for his weekend of visitation). Of course BM jumped on the chance to bring up everything that has ever been done or said, in her perception of reality - which is pretty much no reality at all - in our home from the day I married BD.
She continually undermines all parenting attempts on the part of BD. I have checked out of this arena a long time ago as it just fuels her fire and makes her so ticked she ends up bringing BD to court for things that she thinks were said in our home against her. RIGHT!! But, the judge entertains her crap over and over again.
Three years ago, she initiated SS18 hearing to see BD at his own discretion because BD called her a whore in front of SS18....ummmm....well, that did happen, but the argument leading up to that comment was riddled with SS18 swearing at BD and SS18 calling me a whore and threatening to kill my animals. To which my husband and his father replied, "if anyone is a whore, it is your mother."
As of last nights' conversation, I guess SS18 is not turning out so well and BM is blaming BD for all the problems because according to her BD turned his back on SS18. A little bit different version of the story then the truth. She is also ticked because we didn't get SS18 a Christmas present! Why would we do? The kid hasn't spoken to us in 2 years!!
My question is for the old timers out there. BD and I will be married 5 years shortly. I was thinking that this would get better as BM got used to the idea that I wasn't going anywhere.....has not happened. She blames for all of the things that have gone wrong in skids lives and won't let anything go. Does it really get better? Truth please..
MR
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I'd love to know the answer
I'd love to know the answer to that one as well...So I'll be watching this thread...
DH and I have been together going on 6 years...DH and BM were never a couple, so never even boyfriend/girlfriend, so definitely not married, so one would THINK she'd get over anything since there wasn't ever anything...
NOPE...
Some of her craziness rivals some of the stories I've heard of men married to these psychos for 20 years or more...
leverage...great word. That
leverage...great word. That is exactly what is going on right now with SS14. He is leveraging his position with his parents and the war that continually wages. We have peace for a few months and then BM is back at it. If she sees any little chink in the armor of my marriage or in the relationship between SS1 and BD she picks at it. She is like a wasp that continually stings.
Thanks for your post. Accepting on part is the hardest. I have removed myself from the situation on the outside of things, but my heart aches on the inside. Glad I have this site to vent
The key, really, is your DH.
The key, really, is your DH. He REALLY needs to man up and DEAL with the crazy BM. She should NOT be YOUR problem.
DH and I live 1000 miles away from BM and SD16 - we fly SD16 up here at LEAST 3 times a year for as long as we can, and have offered/asked/begged for custody - full time, temporary try-out, still paying her CS, you name it. BM has steadfastly refused - she can't STAND giving up control of HER daughter. (Who she is emotionally abusing, but that's another blog) Guess who BM blames for SD16 (just turned this week) hooking up with a manchild 5 years older than her? That's right, DH - for "walking away from you when you were six." SMH.
I don't deal with BM. EVER. It drives her crazy. It's gotten so ridiculous that I am deriving enormous amounts of pleasure out of it - I know it's EATING HER ALIVE that I love her daughter and that her daughter trusts ME most out of all four of her parents/stepparents - and I won't play BM's nicey-nice backstabbing games. Sure, I vent here and to DH, but BM gets radio silence from me.
DH has to work on standing up to BM but at this point, it's just a matter of not entertaining her drama and staying strictly business. Since BM has decided that she's not speaking to us because we "don't support her" (AKA: feed her need for drama and kiss her ass) our life has settled into a peaceful routine. We talk to SD16 twice a week for a couple hours, and otherwise just have a good life.
Is that better? I believe so.
We are 10 years in and I can
We are 10 years in and I can say that it has gotten much easier, the more time goes by. However, I think it's mainly because I disengaged from SD17 in September. (While I am not perfect at disengaging, I am better at it now.) I hesitate to say it's gotten better...we have lots coming up this year, since SD17 is a senior in high school. She's begun making lots of demands. That's a whole other thread though.
The early drama has slowly shifted from BM to SD17 herself. SD17 is the one who has the problem with me. BM has not spoken to me in years. She just glares at me. And, continues to bash me to SD17. I don't even care about BM and all of her drama.
Wonder what it will be like once SD17 moves out. SD17 says all the time that life will be perfect between her and I once she's gone. Niiice. She likes to control it all.
I have drilled into SD17 over and over....time will tell. The truth ALWAYS comes out in the end. No matter what the situation is, the truth will always come out. May take years, but it will stare her in the face one day.