NORMAL BEHAVIOR?
I am still having difficulties in making a decision when it comes to wether staying in my relationship or moving on. my bf of two years is amazing with me he recently suggested we move in together. there is only one problem, he has full custody of 2 girls, one is 4 and the other is 6. the 4 year old acts inappropriately constantly. i have two sons so i love and understand kids and have a lot of patience trust me but he spoils his 2 daughters all the time and does not have actions for their bad behavior.
the 4 year old is constantly pulling her clothes off and showing her private parts even opening her legs infront of her dad and touching herself and this makes me very uncomfortable. she recently has started to try and touch me breast and even my private parts. i have asked her repeatedly to stop and all he does is tell her to stop but she continues. she says things like "im going to kiss your cici" and even says she wants to touch her dad as well. she tries to kiss my mouth and i dont know what to do. now i know some sexual behavior is appropriate but is this going to far?
i am extremely nice to this little girl but my patience is running out. she has to have everything her way. she calls her dad stupid and if i go outside she locks me out and when im working kicks my chair so i cant work even when im sleeping she bothers me. this is non stop and all he does is say "please stop". she laughs at him and says i will do what i want. i have been taking this for a year now since this is when he got custody of them both. i dont know how much longer i can take or if its even worth it i mean after all i have two boys that i have shared custody with to take care of.
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The sexual stuff sounds
The sexual stuff sounds waaaay over the top. I don't know if I would put myself in a situation with a non-bio kid who doesn't seem to have any sexual boundaries at all. Could be a recipe for disaster, legally. All you need is for her to go to school talking about "Teacher, I touch Maria's cici all the time!"
If your patience is running out and you don't know how much longer you can take it, moving in doesn't sound like a great idea until there is at least a plan to combat some of these offensive behaviors. I'd have a serious talk with your BF about this.
its going to be a big
its going to be a big decision if you decide whether or not to move in with him and his girls. Do your sons get along with his daughters? Can you see yourself marrying him and dealing with his daughters forever? If you do decide to move in with him, think about how his parenting style will affect your boys. (even if you guys decide to parent your own children and not let the other one do so) If he is alot more lenient when it comes to punishments and your not, your boys will see that. If you decide not to move in with him, you'll have to decide what you what from the relationship.
and about the little girl, I know 'sexual exploration' is somewhat normal for that age, but he needs to be firmer about what is appropriate and what is not. The things she is saying and doing I think are very inappropriate.
thank you for your adivse i
thank you for your adivse i have talked to my bf on many occassions and he agrees that her behavior is bad and says he is trying but he does not do anything she manipulates him so much. she acts so much older. the sexual behavior yes i am very worried about she even asked her dad if she can see his private part he does not spank her because he feels bad and she laughs at him. she opened her legs and touched herself infront of her dad and me.
in regards to my sons my oldest is 16 so he just does not want to be bothered and likes being private in his room i donot see that as a problem but my 8 year old they like to play but the 4 year old loves to always be in control and tells him to clean up that everything is hers.
one of the major issues is that we have no time alone. he never leaves the kids with a sitter so i have to be with them 24-7 we dont even have couple time together. we have never had the honeymoon stage it only lasted a couple of months since right after he got the girls. their mother lives in columbia and she wanted to take them to live there and i understand that he did not want that afterall he was probably not going to see them again but she wants to take them for summer and he does not want. in the meantime he puts them to bed real late. so not only do we not go out as a couple i have to deal with this until ifall asleep.
To be honest, I don't see how
To be honest, I don't see how you can get to know if you'd even work as a couple unless you have alone time together. I'd ask him to make more time for that now before you move in because once I moved in with BF, believe it or not, it got harder to spend time together. When we lived apart it kind of felt like I was spending the same amount of time with his daughter as I was with him (because she was always there) but once I lived there, it was 'will you watch FSD10 while I go to work/meeting/etc., and I had to fight not to end up spending MORE time with FSD10 than I did with BF.
If your BF can't make time for you and your relationship, how do you know the relationship is strong enough to last? Sounds like a serious gamble to me.
That kid needs counseling.
That kid needs counseling. You're gonna end up with a pregnant 12 year old. Creepy. I have a buddy whose SD7 was just like that. She started creeping me out sitting on my lap and shit. When she hit about 9 it just sort of stopped. Maybe they did something I don't know about, but they pretty much tell me everything. I think the kid just grew out of it. Of course, you can't count on that... uhhh... I'm logging off for a while. This gives me the heebiejeebies.
If it were me, personally, I
If it were me, personally, I would sit down and have a conversation with my BF about what needs to change for me to stay in the relationship, and much less move in with him. Obviously discipline is lacking in that household, and he needs a guiding hand. If he feels bad about spanking, than he needs to do time-outs. It will definitely be a struggle at first, but those little girls need him to put his foot down. And at least you'll know he's willing willing to work hard to keep you in his life. You should make it clear to him that you're considering not moving forward with your relationship with him because of how his children behave, and lack of discipline.
This was my first thought as
This was my first thought as well.
I'm glad somebody else said
I'm glad somebody else said it first. I was thinking that but didn't want to say it. I suspect the same. The little girl I was discussing earlier once drew a picture, at like 5 years old, of her biodad and it showed him with an erection. I was wondering how the hell a 5 year old had ever seen her dad with an erection. My buddy (SD) went ballistic. The BM had all sorts of excuses but I was creeped out.
I recommend a counselor poste haste.
i thought about that too but
i thought about that too but she talks about everything and hasent mentioned it. i am creeped out about the whole situation too trust me i have two sons and they never behaved this way. it makes me feel so uncomfortable. i told him to take her to a dr he said he would. lets see if he does.
i left his house today because of the same thing and he hasent called me since i left. oh well at least im home alone in my house with some peace of mind. this is literally making me sick.