DH and I just had our first marriage counselling session together after going individually for a couple weeks. It went well, but after a while we got talking about things with SD. That part was tough because it made me realize how things are going to change when she comes home. SD has been away with her mom visiting family the past two weeks. DH and I still aren't perfect but it has been a really good past couple of weeks. It saddens me knowing that's going to be over. I know things won't be terrible but I also know they won't go on being the way they have been.

SD7 just walked in from playing at a friend's house and said she made presents. She came out to show me a picture she drew and it is addressed "To Mom and Dad". DH hasn't been with his ex since SD was 2. And DH thinks these days alone will help my relationship with SD. All that did was put another nail in the coffin.

I've been feeling so down about my life here lately. The other night my dad called and was trying to give me advice or help in any way possible and I almost didn't want to hear any of it. It's not good.

So yet another incident of SD7 not bothering to listen to anything I say, but this time it was topped off with leaving the house without telling me and leaving my 5-month-old alone by a wide open door in the living room. I was gone 2 minutes putting the stroller back in the car, and when I got in the house SD was gone, the front door was wide open, and my daughter was sitting in her seat right by the door! I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that SD can't be bothered to listen to me or be any sort of decent person to me, but darned if she will put my baby in any sort of danger.

The bits that I have read online and in the bookstore make me feel like someone out there gets it! I told DH about the book once before, and I told him what I'd actually like to do is read it and then give it to him to read. I think he'd be shocked at what my world is really like because no matter how much I talk to him, he can't totally understand. I'll let you all know how the book comes along as I get reading.