I really wish I could disengage ilovearizona! That would be sooo nice. I have a little, but with him about to deploy, it's going to be ME dealing with them when he leaves, so we have to work on this before he leaves so it's not as bad as it was last time. And we are a close family so when he decides to run across town to pick up one darling in the middle of the evening, it delays other plans or makes me have to work late, or wastes a ton of gas, when the plan was for her to have a ride home if she decides to stay after school and not ask for these favors from "daddy" in the middle of the day that he's just all to happy to jump to serve wihtout regard for everyone else being impacted. And these texts go to him in the middle of the day at the last minute attached to some really stupid teen logic that he just falls for and passes the crap along to me and expects me to fall for it too. And like you said, newmom01, he expects me to just love these little monsters??!! These creeps who manipulate my man and rob me of my sanity and have me eating cold dinner that I now cook alone and skipping the gym and having no down time at all and making me late to work and having to work late to make up hours and running all over town and costing me money and taking up my time and honestly just ruining me and my biokids' relationships?? Who the hell other than their blood-relatives COULD love them? They are even crappy to thier paternal grandparents! They are rude to me when I'm nice to them. They are rude to my BD16 and BS12 when they do kind things for them. They just expect to be catered to! And it's honestly my DH's fault for feeding this behavior. Uh, I'm just so on edge with this today! It's been building for way too long!

Man o man do I feel empowered now! Yall are awesome. I am imagning some type of inspirational theme music playing in the background during a conversation I'm going to have with him now. (Hopefully reality doesn't have me crying on the couch tonight...)

Being a sucker and a peace keeper and a pushover haven't done anyone any favors - other than DH, so it's going to stop. Thank you ladies... I am just hoping for the time wihtout interruptions to have this conversation now...and an open heart and mind from my DH.

(I just posted this in another place, and not really knowing if y'all would see it too, I'm putting it here as well. You all helped me so much yesterday!)

Just so ya know, I really honestly took in all that everyone had to say to me yesterday, and know that if you take the time to reply, then I should take the time to read and heed the advice...and I did. I'm not one to get offended with the truth. It may hurt, but if it's the truth it's helpful in the end.

Last night, I had a myriad of things to talk to DH about...issues with the kids, boundries, deployments, etc...etc...etc...but I took time to figure out what the root issue was, and after reading the replies and doing some soul-searching; it's the fear. And trying to figure out why it's there.

Well, it took me until after 8pm last night to get up the nerve, but we had been running errands and doing some stuff around the house, and he'd asked me several times (as he had over the past few days) what was wrong and I just didn't reply. So about 8:30, we had been working on planting a garden and it was a cool clear night, and I sat down on a chair in a little sitting area in the garden and we were smelling some herbs (yeah, it was a pretty nice night!) and I just blerted it out... "I'm afraid of you" He didn't react. He just stood there and looked at me - blank. So I went on to say, "I'm your wife and I should be afraid of you. It feels like you try to intimidate me with your responses when I say things you don't want to hear or don't agree with. It's not healthy. I used to be able to talk to you without fear, or at least just ignore your anger, but it's gotten to a point where I don't feel I can talk to you about any issues at all any more. Do you want me to fear you?" He replied "No" in an even tone and that was the only response I got out of him. He said he wanted to go in and get changed so we could go to the gym. We went to the gym and he just chatted about the normal stuff - work, plans, blah, blah, blah...I though he was just digesting what I'd said and he would say something later. So after the gym, while we were making the kids' lunches, and while we watched "Justified" on tv...nothing, just chatter. I thought he'd say something while we were getting ready for bed...nothing. Maybe before we go to sleep...nothing. During this time, he held my hand, he put his arm around me, he put his head on my shoulder, and he held me while we fell asleep - all was very normal. I just don't really honestly know what to do. Sometimes, when we chat, he doesn't respond until later - until his words are together with his thoughts - and that's okay with me b/c I don't want an off the cuff response...but later has to come! And other times, he just takes action on what I've mentioned to him and proves that he heard my request...so maybe that's what will happen this time?? Time will tell I guess. Because we do have a lot of daily things that we need to deal with...together! Like the skids and attitudes and his coddling and permissiveness - and we have to do it sooner rather than later so we have time to work on things before he deploys. I'll give it till tonight after all the kids are in bed, and then I'll bring it up again.

But truly, from the bottom of my heart - thank you all for your responses and encouragement and support yesterday.