DH mad at me b/c SD15 lied to us both???
SD15 is not a good student. Of course not, why would she be? She's never had to work for anything else in her life b/c daddy just does all of the hard things for her. In our county, in High School if you have an A or a B in the class you don't have to take the final. And she has to take most of her finals, but one this morning. The school sent a form home for the parents to sign to know the details of the process and that if they have a final in the morning and not the afternoon, they can hang out in the library so parents don't have to worry about transportation in the middle of the day. Simple, right? WELL, SD15 is so manipulative and DH falls for it EVERY TIME. She told us both last night (Sunday night) that they made an announcement as school on Friday that they couldn't now stay in the library. I didn't beleive her from the beginning, but DH just bought the whole thing. He let her ride into work with us and he's going to take her to work with him for half a day. (Mind you, that's against the rules of his job!! but he's going to do it anyway!!) She knows I don't believe her b/c I said that she needed to just go to school. I said that the school would have let us know that the rules had changed if, in fact, they did. Well, she was pissed and a total jerk to me all evening while texting with "daddy" about how sad she was about school finals. (GRRRRR!!!!) So this morning, as soon as "they" dropped me off at work, I called the school. I verified that she was, in fact, LYING. Then I texted him the info and who I spoke to. So now, somehow, he's pissed at me! Really!!
You know, I'd considered trying the disengaging thing and just letting SD15 and DH go self destruct eachother. But I have to watch SD15 when DH deploys so that's just not going to work. (Plus, in spite of her being a total pain in the butt 99% of the time, I do care that she turns out to be a decent person.) I've gotten her to counseling, DH and I have gone to counseling - and yet he keeps falling for her manipulations! He said that he could finally see what she was doing, but now, we are in another fight b/c SD15 is a manipulative brat.
He's arguing with me about the other three kids and every thing else so he doesn't have to own up to the total brat of a daughter he's raised! I'm so frustrated!
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ah yes, been there. I too
ah yes, been there. I too have an SD15. Adorable, aren't they??
You are the mean one for pointing it all out. I disengaged and now it has come to a head. Daddy saw SD15 for what she really is. Little miss popularity who has been coddled and left to her own devices so long that she thought it would be ok to be social and popular her first year of HS instead of studying. So now he had a c/d student instead of the straight A student she's always been.
SO's fault for not checking up on his daughter. BM's fault for helping SD hide it from SO and not helping her. SD's fault for just simply not doing her homework, which is all it boiled down to. I will blog more about this later. You get the idea though.
I truly didn't think it would happen and I honestly figured if it did it would take years of disengaging. It didn't. She is finally getting the drill sergeant dad I've been dying to see and she deserves.
Deployment- that really really sucks. Not only do you have to be without your DH, but you cannot protect yourself from the SD's ways, nor will she allow you to parent her properly. I can't imagine that isn't causing stress on you right now. I'm sorry.
All the arguing feels like it gets no where, doesn't it?? Do you think it would help if you actually say "Yeah, be pissed at the messenger. You're daughter lied, not me. Get over it and deal with her."
You don't know how much
You don't know how much better it is just to know that I'm not the only one going though this! It doesn't help the sitaution, but it sure helps me a lot.
At counseling we agreed that we would start transitioning things over to me so that we could "practice" DH being deployed while he was actually still here to help me out and back me up. Well, that's just not happening with SD15. It is with the other kids, but not this princess... She's the favorite and b/c of that, she's the biggest jerk to me b/c I'm in her way of total daddy domination... And he seems to just enocourage it. So, if I disengage then I'm not doing my part and it won't be much of a "practice", but if I stay fully in this situation, I fear further health problems and stress with my DH. (Like I said before SD15 is the ONLY reason we have any tension at all.)
She was at a friend's house this weekend and it was so nice, but the moment we picked her up, she just made up for it in a few moments.
The issue is that she just keeps finding new weaknesses and new ways to manipulate DH. And he seems to be a willing participant and fights me off every time I get close to helping. I'm so frustrated with this situation and he won't/can't see it.
YEP. They won't see until you
YEP. They won't see until you are not in the picture. Even then, there isn't a guarantee.
On the amount of time you have, it sounds like communication is key.
We are really trying, but
We are really trying, but right now it's arguing and fussing b/c he's so emotionally connected and blind to her ways - and I've very fed up with the cycle. We are trying to focus on the core issue, but that would mean admitting that he's not a perfect parent - and I'm the only one who's not perfect... (sarcasm). Even through this though, he is trying with all that he can to do the right things. He knows that she's a butt and he knows that he contributed to that, but it's like he just can't help himself!
I just read that post and
I just read that post and sounds EXACTLY like me. I am a very rules-driven person and he knows that he gets mad at me b/c even though I'm like that with the other kids too, he feels some stupid need to protect SD15...and that's what's made her weak. Unfortunately, he is not a fan of counseling, and the one time we went, he barely spoke more than one-word answers.
I understand the worry that DH will get mad or angry b/c of what the skid did too! It's maddening. I asked DH about it and he said he's more mad at SD, but I told him it comes across as he's mad at me. So he's working on that. But this morning, he fully attacked me verbally. He was mad at me - even though I'm not the one who lied and I'm not the one who manipulated him...I'm just the messenger and he doesn't like the truth he's hearing.