Xmas is coming up and MY family is SPOILlNG FH's kids! I HATE IT!
My mom has asked me what to buy FH and his kids for Xmas and then proceeded to tell me that my brother and I weren't going to get as much as we usually do because she has to buy for a lot more people than she usually does...I really don't care that I don't get as much as I usually do but I do care if my bro gets shafted because of my FH and his brats. My grandparents are taking the same stance... My grandma drove 2 hours to come shopping out this way for the brats just so they could return the clothes if they didn't like them. Plus my grandma told me that my grandpa and she are giving the brats a $25 check on top of what they bought them! I personally am appalled! The brats don't even get that much from their OWN grandparents and my mom AND grandparents are spoiling them like that!?!? I know my Dad will give them gift cards for where ever but the brats won't see them because my Dad isn't around for Xmas so I will definitely be taking them and not letting the brats see them until at least spring. And...ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING the brats receive from MY family WILL NOT go to their mother's house....I'll throw it away or donate it before it goes to their BITCH OF A mother's house!
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Have you talked to your
Have you talked to your family about how you feel?
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
Hey I think that there is to
Hey I think that there is to much buying for people. I think that you should just buy for your children, as for the other members of my family we give them a photo and a christmas card. His family they exchange names and there is a $20 limit and what they buy has to be for the whole family. My parents don't buy for me and neither do my siblings and vice versa. This arrangement takes alot of stress of of famalies both mental and financial. That way what I purchase for my children is both quality and someting I can stand having in my home.
Yes, I've told my whole
Yes, I've told my whole family...including parents, grandparents, aunt AND uncles not to go out of their way for Christmas... I guess I just have to take in that my family is giving and take the brats in as "family" and be happy with it. I'm just surprised that the brats are getting as much as they are the first Christmas they are in my family and they don't even get that much from their own flesh and blood. Not to sound selfish but I'll be surprised to get anything from FH's family this year even though I bought them a gift certificate for a really nice restaurant last year after only meeting them once....
How old are the kids? I
How old are the kids? I think your family just wants to make them feel a part of the family....that's a good thing. Don't we all, in blended families, want to be loved, accepted, and made to feel part of this family that we feel like outsiders in?
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
SD is 13 and SS is 10.
SD is 13 and SS is 10. You're probably right though....I come from a huge Italian family and they want to embrace and take in anyone that they see who treats me like gold...and FH does....so I'm sure they see him and his kids as family and are trying to treat them as such. I'm not mad or upset about that but upset that my bro is going to get shafted on his gifts this year because of my "new family". It wasn't his decision for his sister to get involved with someone that has kids but now he's going to have to receive less for it...
Is your brother young? Do
Is your brother young? Do you think it will bother him?
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Christmas is not about
Christmas is not about recieving gifts it's about spending time with family and celebrating the holiday!!! Gifts are for children and too many people buy kids too many things, and they don't appriciate half of them because they don't have time to play with all of them. Try buying things like a cool blanket or sheets for their bed, or a cool light or picture for their room, and always a good choice an flash light!! Plus their are always the staples like socks and underwear,mittons,hats,good clothes for school or church, and things they need! they appriciate these things more because they use them.
Oh trust me....the skids are
Oh trust me....the skids are only getting things that they need from Santa at our house... Like you said clothes, socks, underwear, boots, coats, gloves, etc. Santa is NOT bringing XBOX 360 for SS or a camcorder for SD! If Santa feels the recession then we do too.
I'm sorry. I really don't
I'm sorry. I really don't see the problem with this. I know Christmas giving is out of control sometimes, but that's not really the issue I see here. I see your family embracing your future husband's children and assuring them that they have a place within that family. If you think about it, Christmas really should be about the kids. Does your brother have children? If so, I can understand your feelings that his kids might be slighted. If not, then I think as an adult, he can understand giving to kids, not the adults.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
I agree, this family sounds
I agree, this family sounds really nice. In the spirit of Christmas I think it would at least be honest to let the generous family members know that the kids are not going to be able to have the gifts as intended because OP will be intercepting. I can not imagine what could compel me to marry a person if I had so much animosity for the kids before hand. I would feel like I was walking into a bear trap!
You should be THRILLED that
You should be THRILLED that your family is so accepting of your future stepchildren! I think they sound like wonderful people! It also doesn't sound like they're going overboard on the kids....a few gifts, what's the problem? If your brother gets upset because he doesn't get as much, well, then I guess maybe this will teach him that Christmas isn't all about gifts. It's about family. We should always be appreciative of what we get even if it's not as much as we've received in the past.
I do have one question for you...if you despise your fiance's children so much (and it's glaringly obvious that you do considering that you will only refer to them as "brats"), WHY are you even considering marrying him??? I understand that some SM's get into a situation that they didn't understand would be so difficult or that things changed for them after marriage...I totally get that. What I don't get, however, is someone who already knows how miserable they will be and still decides to get into the situation. WHY WHY WHY would you put your FH, his children, and yourself through that when you already know how much you hate those kids??
“Every truth has two sides; it is as well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either”~Aesop
For the record, I don't HATE
For the record, I don't HATE the kids...I call them brats because they don't know responsibility like my brother and I learned. Yes, that is because of their father and their piece of crap mother, however I'm trying to teach them differently... My brother does not have kids so I feel that he shouldn't get shafted on gifts just because I am engaged to a man with two kids....if anything my gifts should be shafted 4 ways to make it even. I know it isn't all about gifts for the holiday however when my family is spending more AND I MEAN WAY more on his kids than HIS family does, when we aren't even married yet, then I have a problem. Yes, I know MY family is great....apparently they are greater than FH's and his ex-wife's family (put together), but I don't feel like MY family needs to spoil the kids like they are for Christmas...they aren't spoiling them with toys or electronics, but they are giving them way more than they deserve having the fact that they've only been in "the family" for less than a year.
Did you realize in many
Did you realize in many families focusing on children for gifts if normal? A lot of adults start to feel they have so much 'stuff' and many families (like mine) start some kind if system of drawing names to buy for one adult and having just the kids get bought for otherwise. Many asked if the kids are so poorly behaved and you view your bf as a poor father (not to mention many of the descriptions you've given in your blog of his disrepect for you) why are you moving forward to marriage with this particular partner? While I respect you do not need answer that question for us I hope it is a question you will ask of yourself and I say that only because I don't want to see you trapped into a worsening situation like some.
You're focusing on amounts
You're focusing on amounts and that's just not what Christmas is about. It's not about how many gifts you or your brother get or how much different your family is vs. the Mom's family regarding the amount of gifts. Really, is that what is important to you? Honestly, if my kids EVER say anything about being "shafted" for Christmas, whether they're children or grown adults, they will never get anything again. I will send everything to charity.
Be happy and grateful that your family is so accepting of the kids. That's it..there isn't a thing to complain about.
“Every truth has two sides; it is as well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either”~Aesop
Christmas is for children.
Christmas is for children. I'm sure your parents are just excited to have children again for the holidays, no matter whose they are. Christmas gets to be like every other day once our children grow up and don't have that "santa" excitement. It is that excitement that keeps us all young and lets us experience the holiday again through a child's innocent eyes.
The flip side of this is
The flip side of this is that, my family is now not so enamoured of SD18 as they were.
I actually asked them to stop giving her gifts for Christmas as she got so much, probably $1,000+ worth of gifts at one point?, and would never remember who gave what and never, ever say thank you or give anyone a gift, which was very embarrassing to me, while DH and I received hand-made gifts and hand written thank you notes, etc. from their kids!! She was receiving a ton of gifts from 3 families - ours, DHs and BMs.
Now after I finally told them why she was not invited on our events this past year because of all the stuff she has done to DH and me, I think they have cut her off, including my dad that would give us cash for her gifts.
On the one hand I am glad the over-gifting has stopped, but I am worried my DH will be hurt if he realizes, but I don't think he will as I handle all the finances. I am glad they are supporting us, but really hate that they ever did all that in the first place, as it was never, ever appreciated by SD.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)I specifically told my
I specifically told my family not to buy anything for DH's kids for birthday's or holidays. They treat me like shit, why should my family reward their bad behavior by buying them gifts that they don't deserve? So they can continue to treat me like shit because they can get away with it and still get presents?? No way!! I did let my mom buy them some $7.99 pajama pants, just so they would have something to open from my family when they are in my home town for Christmas, but that's it. Those kids are entitled brats who get the world handed to them on a silver platter, my family does not need to participate in that bullshit. I won't allow it! HA!!
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**Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!**