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Do you all follow up on posts you comment on? / Funeral Update

mamacat_30's picture

Submitted by mamacat_30 on Sun, 12/02/2012 - 3:32pm

I don't get on the site very often, maybe once a day maybe once every 2 or 3 days. I don't post often, but always appreciate the feedback I do get. But I wonder....sometimes by the time I get back to see what happened with my post, it's already a page or two back and is no longer a "hot topic". I often want to respond to comments left, but never really do because I figure no one checks the "old news". So in general, do you all go back and follow blogs that you commented on?

Anyhow, I posted last week about BM wanting to come to DH's grandma's funeral. She didn't show, but the damage was already done, we worried about it and it was a distraction in general. And during the reception I had to deal with the SKID's telling everyone "My mom wanted to make sure I tell you all hi for her", and "My mom wanted me to give you her number", and "My mom wanted to friend you on facebook", blah, blah, blah.

I'm not insecure about BM. I've been with DH longer now than they were even together. I know that there is nothing DH would like more than for her to disappear, and I know that his family loves me and are excited about the family DH and I have started. But it really just bugs the crap out of me that she is grasping at his family. She has her own family, she has her BF's family, why does she need to cling onto DH's family? They've been divorced for 15 some years, and they were only together for 7ish years. DH has never maintained any type of relationship with her outside of the kids needs, so it's not like suddenly we kicked her out of the family. I really don't get it. It's not her responsibility to keep the kids in contact with them, DH does that.

I don't bring this up to DH, because it just gets him upset. I'm trying my best to just let it go, it doesn't really make any impact on my life one way or the other. I was thinking of trying to explain to the kids why it's inappropriate for her to try to insert herself in DH's family, I guess in an attempt to get the "My mom says..." commentary to stop, but decided against it, not their burden to bare. So I guess I'm just venting...

Comments

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Sun, 12/02/2012 - 4:02pm

I think anyone with a grain of common sense knows that it is just not kind to bring up a prior spouse when the current spouse is present. I realize that young children do not know this, but as they mature they should be taught to act appropriately.

I have maintained close friendships with ex inlaws and exes of current friends. But I do not bring up old wives, husbands, girlfriends, etc. It would just be rude.

A dear friend lost her husband almost 30 years ago. We all loved him very much. But when she and her current husband (of 25 years) are with me I do not bring up her ex and what a great guy he was. Her current husband never knew him so why would he want to discuss his wife's late husband?

If the BM in this case wants to remain connected to the family she needs to make those connections herself. She should not use her children as pawns. That is not fair to anyone especially the children.