I've heard about it and saw a book review show on it. The problem is that you have to have two mature, sane people to begin with and come to the conclusion that each person has fear about the other person.

Most of our cases are WELL beyond that. Dealing with juvenile, narcissistic BMs who could NEVER come to a mature, reasonable compromise as it's all about them.

If you have a BM lite situation, then you might be able to implement the ideas in this book, I would have to say. Unless after reading it I find it drifts toward the more heavy duty, warfare type divorce and custody situations that MOST people find themselves in.

i agree...my BM is not really hostile, she just ignores me...but REFUSES to speak to me. I once asked her "Is it okay for SS10 to take Robitussin while being on his inhaler?". She just looked at me...and then turned away. I once said "I wrapped two sculptures that SS10 made in art class and they are in bag, just wanted to be sure they didnt get..." and she walked away before I could say "broken". I once saw her at the grocery store..her and I only in the aisle..going towards each other I put on a smile and said "hello BM" and she didnt even look and just kept on walking...

SHE is the BITCH! LOL!

The author was on Dr. Phil last year and they made the BM look like an evil bitch and the SM look like she was trying to kick the BM to the curb. It was interesting to see how they got to the place that they could be friends. Sounds great if the BM is receptive. Lord knows I tried to be friendly when I came on board, but she was cold to me. It only works if both parties see the benefit in being friendly. Mine never did. Also, I hate watching Dr. Phil when they do these blended family shows because he is always pro BM and never really sees where the SM is coming from.

I started reading the book in my first months as a stepmother. Maybe it would do me good to pick it up again. I stopped reading it about half way in because although I could feel empathy for both sides at the time, I knew that BM would never be the type to try to better herself or our relationship. I wanted to share the book with her but I know that she would take it and never read it because she's not interested in bettering things because she doesn't seem to see the "problems" or just doesn't care. Things have gotten a lot better these days and we talk to each other/see each other daily because we drop our kids off at the same daycare, so maybe I would get a new/different perspective by reading it now that it's been about 2 years. I'll dust it off this weekend

I picked this book up and browsed through it, and immediately realized that it was not relevant information for my situation as of right now. You have to have a semi-ok or at least civil relationship between BM and SM before you can put those things into play really.

If one person is being irrational, it's pretty difficult to put yourself in her shoes and try to understand her emotions, since her emotions are unlogical and born out of who knows what childhood issues she has.

It would be a good book if you are starting off as two strangers, uneasy with each other but both willing to be polite and both wanting a peace truce or something. If things get better, it might be worth looking at again some day in the future.

Dr. Phil is so pro-BM it's ridiculous.

He had this couple on where the guy was divorced twice and didnt' want to get married. The couple had children together and were living together for over five years. She kept pressuring him to get married via the kids "mama, why don't you have the same last name as daddy?" etc etc.

The guy was afraid that as soon as the ring was on, things would go sour and she'd turn into a classic PASinator BM. Well during the conversation, it was clear that already, the BM was showing signs that she could become a PASinator (using pressure tactics and the children to nag him into getting married)

Dr. Phil decided to host a surprise wedding (that the BM was in on, of course) You could see that the guy's gut feeling was to BACK OUT! I was wondering the whole time, if he had kids from a previous marriage and was obviously paying lots o' CS, WHY was SHE so gun ho to get married to him? Oh wait, she was a SAHM as well.

Maybe I'm just cynical.