When BM got out of the car, instead of a confrontation why not just have the kids go out? This sounds like a control issue that got out of control and became far more than it needed to be. Why are you so involved with this sk/bm situation? Why did your DH not deal with it as he sees fit so that you can stay out of the frontline of the situation? Sometimes we create trouble for ourselves that we don't need to have happen.

It would be better to have the pick up/drop off somewhere else then getting into a power struggle with kids. The part that I don't get is why don't the DHs take care of these issues so that the SM doesn't have to?! That is the part that I don't get. Why do the SMs always have to do the dirty work?!

Sounds like DH needs to take kids to a neutral location & they (BM &BD) do the handoff. Why should you have to put up with her crap? We (SM's) do the dirty work b/c we as women feel compelled to "make it all right" and insure the kids are safe. Madison, if DH won't be present to handoff the kids, draw yourself a hot bath, get some good magazines & soak your frustrations away...just physically remove yourself, that will make DH do the work. (Don't tell him, just disappear...he'll get the message.) Chances are he is parked in front of the TV watching sports while you are scrambling to get their stuff together to send them back to BM. Let him do that, if they forget their stuff, too bad, so sad, they will remember it next time. We SM are enablers sometimes...I truly think we need to take a step back & quite making it so easy for the BD's...let them do their job!!!

Why not let your DH deal with all of this? I agree with a previous post, be busy when this pick up of kids occurs so that you are in no way involved. Step parenting is stressful enough without adding more to it.

Seems that in a lot of these situations, the stepmoms are doing a lot, often making the cash, supporting the family, etc. That is all well and good BUT what do these guys DO?

I hate to say it but I agree with stamina. A lot of this situation could have been avoided if you had just either let DH deal with it or ignored her. I understand that it feels like she's crossing a boundary being on your front porch waiting for her kids, but there's no need to address it when she's standing right there. That's really only asking for trouble and you know it, because you can't honestly expect this irrational, power-tripping woman to be like "Ok, you're the boss I'll go wait in my car...". I realize that it's your house and your territory but honestly this is not a battle worth fighting. And if it is something that truly gets to you and you just can't accept, then let your DH bring it up at a time that she will be able to discuss it and not start a scene.

Not getting a restraining order prior to this is a decision that you and DH made together in the hopes that things would get better, knowing that if you did so, things would only get worse. You are right, the courts will see through what she's doing because they generally know when they're dealing with BS from a jealous ex-wife. My advice to you right now would be just to lay low, keep communication open between you and DH, and let him fight the battles from now on. Obviously this woman feels threatened by you and will use every opportunity to exercise her power over you. Pick ups and drop offs can and should be made without you being there. It may make you feel like you're giving in and letting her win, but try not to let yourself think that way. Right now you need to exercise a little damage control and avoid situations that are going to screw things up even further.

I'm not trying to sound like I'm harping or bossing you around, these are all just my thoughts and suggestions. Keep us posted on how things go.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I do understand about your personal situation with dh, i.e. school & limited budget. But too often we get ourselves wrapped up in a situation which tends to perpetuate itself. We pitch in & help out in an "unusual circumstance" which then becomes routine. I just think we, as SM, need to think through each time we choose to get involved. I know how frustrating it must be to be without your vehicle over a situation that you would NEVER let your kids get away with. I really feel bad for you & DH. But, perhaps when emotions are running smoother, you should hammer out a "what if" situation, what if child forgets something they (SK) perceives as important but responding to it impacts your budget & time. It's hard to anticipate, but sometimes, even the BD needs to have an "accident at the intersection" before they "get it." Unfortunately, we SM usually pay the price either is $$, time or emotional turmoil. I just think we (and I'm including myself) tend to propagate some of our turmoil as a result of over involvement in the details. We are all like. We are so used to taking care of EVERYTHING at all times, that when it comes time to step back, it is super hard to do. But I clearly think you need to give yourself some emotional boundaries so you don't run yourself over the edge. I truly WISH I had done it when I was going through it. But when you are in the thick of things, it's hard to get perspective. Whether they are our BK or SK, by nature, kids are a trial & challenge, it's when there are several sets of rules or lack of rules that it compounds itself. Good luck & hang in there....we are here to support & listen!

You're gonna' be ok. We've all spent the day(s) sobbing & wallowing in our messes. That's part of the process, our bodies way of saying "whoa, hold on, time to let it all out"....

Hang in there...we love you and understand..whatever you decide, we will support you & be here for you.

Have a great week!

Each day is a new start!!

Its scary that someone can file a restraining order when they were the ones perpetuating the problem to begin with. She is just trying to push your buttons to cause this drama. I know how hard it is maintain composure, believe me I have to do this three times a week when I go with BF to spend time with the girls. The best you can do is take some witness from that day and get the order squashed. I would then turn it back on her and get an order of protection for her not to be able to come on the property, then if she gets out of her car you can call the cops and have her removed. It would be so nice if we didnt have to waste energy on jealous, petty, insecure people!!!