again conflict
Hello again!
When I thought things were getting better and I was accepting my role a lot more relax and happy few things happened. My partner was comtamplating taking a job that means he was going to be away for a month. He said it sholdn't be a problem with the kids and he will see them more often after all to compensate. That decision caused me a lot of stressed with the relationship as I don't like the idea of my partner being away and also it was going to cause problems in our business that we are trying to build. In the end the job didn't come through and he stayed.
After that we discuvered that the eldest skid12 hasn't been to school for 2 MONTHS!!! BM lied to my partner and said that she was kicked for various reasons, kid lied too. My partner decided to bring her daughter to our house for a few days so at least she can do some academic work as BM doesn't even try. Then he discovers that she actually dropped school and that the achool wants her back - shock. At this point mum said that she had problems with her friends and she was very unhappy that is why she wants to change school but seems like she needed 2months? to start applying for other school... like wtf? now social workers are involved with mum and they called my partner and said that she doesn't want to colaborate.
So here we are, the kid has been at home for 3 days which was ok but at the third day I started feeling frustrated as I didn't have my time to relax watchng whatever I wanted in the tv or doing whatever because they were watching together. My partner kept inviting me but I felt kind is depressed and just wanted to go to bed super early. And then today BM asks him if he can have the kids (3 of them) again next week for a few days -apart from de usual friday to sunday. By that point I feel super stressed first of all because I asked before to plan in advance the kids visits as my family lives in another country and I would visit them some og those dates. The fact that the eldest was here this week when she should be at school made it a lot worst. Then my partner got defensive as always saying that he is going to try and see his kids as much as posible like Iam on the way.
The truth is that we are working together in out business and tis going very slow and we are struggling. I told him that I don't think he can afford having so many days off with the kids when we are struggling and he said that he can. My feeling is that he feels that he can because I AM ALWAYS AT HOME and he knows that there is someone to look after the kids if he has a big job last minute. I made clear any times that I don't feel comfortable looking after the kids OFTEN and I already did it few times lately. In our business he gets to work more than me as his part of the job is better paid and we don't really habe clients yet for what I do.
The way I feel is trapped. I don't have nowhere to go when I need space and the fact that I am working from home doesn't help. I also feel like somehow I am paying the nefligence of BM and the fact that he doesn't even gets angry at her or kind of defends her makes me feel very lonely. I also feel like I taked for granted here and I have no decissions about my house or my time. I told him that I don't want to be on the way of him seeing his daughers but last minute decissions stress me out a lot. I also pointed out that I think is very unfair that he gets to take an opportunity away if he feels like it and then decide that the kids are going to come here more often just like that and I have to be here taking whatever it comes. I asked that I want hom to think what the hell he wants and mantein it because I don't deal well with unstability.
He keeps saying that he wants both: taking an opportunity away if it comes and it is a lot of money and also see his kids as often as possible. The way I feel is that I go third, after any good opportunity and after what is convenient for him and his ex. And tbh I am not willing to be the helper for everybody so I said whatever you want do it based on what you can afford not counting on me. Anyway I decided to start looking for a part time job, not sure if it is the right decission but I think it could give me some independence, keep me less available and don't depend on him, I would just try to do my part whenever I have the time if that works...
Just writing this to have some insight if I am being unfair or reasonable because I really don't know... Please be gentle I am very sensitive with all this haha Thanks
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Comments
Start making plans for YOU.
Start making plans for YOU. Whether it's for your nails, hair, or sign up for a class or randomly book a trip to see your family. He HAS to get used to the idea that you have your own life ... and so do you. These are not your kids and not your responsibility.
When his spawn are in transit
When his spawn are in transit to your home, grab your go bag, go to a hotel, and office from there until the spawn are gone. Depending on the tax laws in your country, the hotel and food costs while you are "traveling" are a business expense and you can write them off after you re-imburse yourself for the cost. Put those costs on the business, more directly, put them on your failing business partner. He wants to play with the kiddies, he can pay for that priviledge with higher business expenses. If he travels and his kids show up while he is on the road, immediatley tell them to call their mother and grab your go bag for the hotel.
Lather.... rinse... repeat.
Within the bounds of the laws of your country of course.
I wish the business could
I wish the business could afford that but if I knew in advance I could buy tickets to see my family, now it is too late and they are too expensive. The day we can afford it would be a great day haha
Your partner needs to hire a
Your partner needs to hire a skid-sitter. What would he do if you weren't there?
You may need to consider that the skids being there 60% of the time or more (even 100%) is a possibility.
Stop being his in-house kid sitter
Get that parttime job pronto. Depending on where you are, summer is a high point for labor demand. Take that opportunity. If he cannot spend the regular/extra time with his kids, then back to momma they go.
Glad the kid is back in school. When Sd17 powersulk was failing to show up for her senior year classes, Toxic Troll BM and her decided she would go to independed study, which she also was failing until this week.
Where we are, having a high school diploma doesnt mean that much, but if you DONT have it, that means a LOT.
Did she actually qualify for graduation?
So, did Princess Power Sulk actually pull a HS diploma out of her ass at the last minute?
I sure hope so. Time to re-key the locks, turn that room into your art/medidation/yoga/home theater room and have a moldy surplus army cot in the garage for her to sleep on if she deins to show her adult graduated face in your life again.
Today (May 24) is the last day
Today (May 24) is the last day to turn in that work that was missing. I peeked in - 2 As and a D. Im certain she will squeak through (huge sigh).
Ill believe it when I have tix in hand and see her march across that stage.
Husband doesnt want any real discussion or to make any plans until after she graduates. Then he tells me that hes going to take a day off and march her to the DMV to get her license (you have to take driving tests?????????????????)
Meanwhile Im hatching my plans. Im going to use it as a guest room/storage room, which will be nice because have too much stuff and need to have a place for better organization. We have the tank for snakey, maybe another fish tank is in order. But Im plotting and planning and just know that she will slink off. Because to have a job is my number 1 priority. Driving, sure, but job. I no longer want to support a lazy a$$.
I am strangly emotionally
I am strangly emotionally relieved for you. I know it has been sheer hell to get to this point.
Congratulations CLove.
Snakey? My brother and I had a Ball Python for a few years in college. Harry. Because... she wasnt wasn't.
I hope you enjoy your fresh PPS/FF/TT free life and that DH lets them all fade away.
I am so sad after 7 years to
I am so sad after 7 years to say....If a friend of mine asked if they should get involved with someone with kids...afer what i have been through...i would say RUN!!!...and FAST
boy you still or left that
boy you still or left that life? just when I think is getting getter it gets worse *sad*
? ? ? How do you allow a 12 yo to drop out if school.
Why is this taken so like normal ? Why wasn't the kid given two choices, school, or mental health DR. How can DH just go along Why are you not being the adult and not letting BM control your home and time. DH has to earn a living first. Not play with the ex. If DH was working a actual 9-5 job he couldn't take off anytime BM thinks he should.
'Think you need to start looking for a exit plan.
I agree with you I am still
I agree with you I am still shock she dropped school and they agreed. it blows my mind.
About BM, I am not willing tyo acomodate my life and sacrifice for her to be more relax and enjoy herself when she is not even doing her only job which is being a mum. And that is why I made very clear with my partner that if he agrees on having his kids is because he can look after them, I said don't count on me. I am sorry but I am not going to be the idiot here enabling BM taking time off whenever she feels like it and my partner being the dad of the year on my spenses. NO WAY.
After a long argument we got to the conclusion that I am going to travel and see my family half of the holiday he has the kids. This way I don't get overload, I get to have a balance bc now I am seeing his family more than mine by difference, and I guess he'll have to make sure he have his kids when he can.
What do you mean by me not being the adult? sorry I didn't get it.
Those parents should be in
Those parents should be in jail until the kids turns 16 or graduates, whichever is first. Since the kid can legally choose to drop out when they turn 16.