First of all, I completely understand. I cannot stand my 7 yo SD. (I also have a 10 yo SD that I get along with a bit better and 2 great BDs) When she's around, I find myself muttering for her to shut up SO often. She lies, manipluates, whines, steals and still throws major tantrums. She's just like her mother, who I cannot stand.

In terms of what you do and don't do, don't be afraid to put some distance between yourself and your BF/SK. Just because it's "family" fun night doesn't require the entire family to be there and its OK that you tell your BF that you'd prefer not to go. It's just an after school get together- not a major event.

I hate going to these types of events too because I'm repelled by BM and it shows. It's not fair for me to act a certain way or to show the kids I'm not comfortable. I was scheduled to go to school confernces a few weeks ago and I felt sick about it all day- it wasn't worth it. This year, I decided no more school conferences for the SK because BM will be there. I called DH and while he wasn't thrilled about it, he understood. I've never felt like this about anyone and I should not have to be around her just to "play nice".

Get a stomache, a headache, whatever it takes and don't go. Just kidding. But in reality, you have every right not to go if BM is there. Make it about her not your SD. That way your BF can't say that everyone goes to your son's activities. None of us should be "required" to endure these BMs if we don't want to. Especially one as unpleasant as yours. I refuse to go to any event that I know BM will be at unless, like littlgrlzx4 says, it is a major event. Me, mostly because when BM sees me she absolutley can not behave herself. She's bad enough when I'm not around, she's 10 times worse if I show up.

CJ

Okay so this is like reading my own life on a page. My soon-to-be stepdaughter is 8 years old. She is (gosh as bad as I want to say it) a brat. I met her father after him & his ex-wife had separated. We waited awhile before I met his daughter, more for the fact of not wanting to upset his ex-wife. Anyway she has been a brat since the day I met her. She can not accept the fact that her dad & I are together. She has done everything completly sirespect me to bringins up when her mom & dad use to be married and sleeping together. Sometimes I really wish she wouldn't even come to visit. It is hard especially having my biological children and you try not to treat your kids any different it puts you in a bad position to be the nice guy. I feel your pain and frustration. The only advice I am giving is what I have figured out for myself this week. I am going to try and not worry about what my stepdaughter is thinking and trying to do in a deceitful way. I am going to act the same way I do towards my children and if my stepdaughter can't deal with it then that is her problem.

If you really don't want to go, then don't go. And tell BF that if HE felt uncomfortable about the other kids' events, you wouldn't "guilt" him into going. Why is he doing it to you?

I mean why is it sooooo important that you be there? To put up the image that you're all one, big happy family? Is this more about maintaining that image?

Can you go, but let BF know that if you "sense" any discomfort then you'll leave early? The best that can happen is you get there, put on your smiley face and it will be "fun." The worse that can happen is you get there and leave early...no questions asked.

I know it's hard, I suffer big time with anxiety. But you have the courage to do this and it will make you stronger for future events. And go, knowing you have the freedom to leave, no questions asked.

I have never got into it with the bm in fact I have ever only had one conversation with her in over 6 years and that was 5 years ago! I have always presented myself with grace and style and never trashed the bm. But this woman hates me for no other reason that I exist and that I gave my dh a son.

I loathe those events and didnt see any reason why I should attend. It was so uncomfortable in the past. The bm had made up so many lies about me to her friends and family and I would get ugly looks from everyone so would end up just sitting alone and not talk to anyone. Even the sds would ignore and act like I didnt exist. I could tell that this pleased the bm very much.

Well... I decided that collectively I could not change everyones opinion of me but I could 1 person at a time. SOOOOO Id put on my best outfit (suitable to the event) and look my best... and Id make sure to introduce myself to a person or two that I dont know- that I do know knows the bm. Id be myself, be pleasant, get to know the person a little bit, id smile, id laugh, act like i was having the best time of my life and throw into the conversation something about myself innocently that debunks some of bms known lies. When I first start the conversation I could tell the person is uncomfortable but slowing I can see the walls coming down, and I could tell by the end of the conversation that they like me very much and I am nothing at all what the bm says about me. Kill em with kindness and disarm with charm :-).

And to add to that it is soooo obvious that bm is uncomfortable with me there talking to her friends and family - I get a kind of sick satisfaction watching her squirm in her own juices. My revenge I suppose. I also get the added elevation in my husbands eyes of being a lady with class who rises above the bs. We also leave early - to show we are not intimidated to give them time to speak with each other about what just happened. ANd although i never have conversations with the bm - I always make it a point to tell her it was very nice to see her and compliment her about something (puke).

My husband says she makes up the lies etc cause internally she is intimidated my me. I dont involve myself in dramatics and have never called her to the mat for the things she has said so she doesnt know how to deal with me. The not knowing scares the crap out of her. She knows she deserves it and in a way she is shuddering waiting for it to happen and hoping that it doesnt happen in a public forum. Also my lack of action of retaliation makes her and her attacks look stupid.

So to counteract my actions bm doesnt want to look like the vindictive bitch she is - so is now trying to portray that we are one big happy (puke) family!....lol

I still dread these events but Ill be damned if I will let her tell lies about me and run me off from any event where I should be at my husbands side.