ALL of you deserve a (((hug))) for being so strong.
I think we all need a reminder that we can't expect ourselves to be perfect in these most imperfect situations, we are human even before (step)moms.
Along the way I have realized you grow as a step parent the same as you do as a parent- no handbooks or guidelines just stumbling in the dark hoping for a light.
I have had to remind myself alot that H does not react the same as me because he had to live with crazy for years, meanwhile I have only had to deal with he, and that as much as BM is a miserable excuse for the position and seems to have made bad decisions short of carrying SD for the 9 months hasn't really figured out the definition of parenting yet..... SD still loves her mom and we encourage(as much as possible) that she love her but does it with an honesty there of seeing she is flawed(we don't tell her how flawed- but she's 15 and smart to boot - she figured alot of it out already) and the same for us- we are all flawed.
This whole "combined" family is still relatively new to mankind for the most part and we all have a hard time figuring out what everyone's role is and how to maintain strong relationships inside of these families especially considering the great outside stress from the exs.
We are the ones these men have chosen after wising up from the others.
I do my best most days but some days thats not enough, i have learned to be okay with that too through the years and those who criticise what I do usually are those who are clueless as to what it really takes.
Thank you all again for being YOU!