False Alligations and Alienation
Hey All
this is going to be a long post but, I need advice. ( I will try and make it as short as possible)
let me start at the beginning last year my DH's EX applied for a protection order after SS was acting strange one night after her boyfriend collected him from us and took him home. We got a call 2 hours later saying the child is scared and hiding away from them and wants to know what happened at our house.
DH explained that he was happy and fine when he left us and has no idea why he is acting the way he is.
BM goes to social services and wants and investigation done, BM finds a social worker and spends two hours with SS and they come back with a report saying I am abusing SS. DH and BM get called to the social workers office to discuss this...DH disagrees with said report and requests a second report be done. Social worker said the best option going forward is a Forensic Phycologist to do a detail and in-depth report. DH agrees to pay for this however BM has now requested a restraining order against me and we can no longer see SS.
fast forward the second investigation is done and BM is coaching the child to say these things and instilling fear in him to be around us. the phycologist sends us all the report and BM said they are twisting her and SS words.
we appear in court for the first time in 2015 and the case is postponed as BM now wants a lawyer, the case has been postponed time and time again as BM is never ready.
we eventually get to trial and BM is still disputing the facts and said the Forensic Phycologist is twisting the child's words and she just showed him what to do with the dolls so he can explain better.
a year has passed since this all began the child is alienated against us by his BM and this has dragged on.
we have finally won this case and BM has to positively re-enforce that it is ok to come to us.( we all know this wont happen)
my question or my struggle at the moment is, after being accused of beating the child ( not true and BM could not produce any proof ) of wanting to kill him and cut him up into pieces. And also apparently trying to poison him....
how do you go back to having the SS around without all this starting again how do you not feel loathing towards this whole situation?
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Comments
How old is SS.... and sorry I
How old is SS....
and sorry I would never be alone with him again, he can visit his Dad, but no sleep overs anymore and if he's a teen - they can visit out side the house, not even in the house
SS id 9 at this point I want
SS id 9 at this point I want to move around the world just to be out of the kids life I know DH struggles with this as he know as long as SS is with BM most of the time we will sit with this time and time again.
Completely agree. Avoid any
Completely agree. Avoid any situations where you will be alone with SS, if you are willing to be around him at all.
I feel the exact same was as
I feel the exact same was as Heavenlike. No man is worth such hell in your life.
exH falsely accused me of abusing my children while we were separating. I had to be investigated by CPS, all of my children had to disrobe in front of social workers and be interviewed individually. My home was scrutinized while they checked things off on their clipboards and I was left hanging for months not knowing what would happen while they mulled over the results of their investigation. I was scared and demeaned, not to mention having to explain to my confused children why they had to undress in front of strangers. That put the nail in the coffin of our marriage and any love I had left for the man was gone.
Allegations, even rumors of allegations, can ruin a reputation and career. There is no way I could ever be in the same space as that child again. I could never have him step foot in my home again either. There's no way I would take the chance. You have to do whatever it takes to protect yourself from this ever happening again. Your husband needs to support you in this and be understanding or he'll have to go.
Put yourself first!
I wouldn't be alone with
I wouldn't be alone with him.
Some COD's learn very quickly that if they can get what they want with a lie, they will continue to lie.
They also begin to believe the lies their mother's tells them.
Never, ever be alone with
Never, ever be alone with this person; in fact, I doubt I would be in the same location at all. I would work it out somehow that I was away at all times and your husband owes you the debt of working with you on this one! Never take a chance for being set up again; your emotional health needs to be protected.
Sorry people are so cruel..
Hi All thank you for the
Hi All
thank you for the messages, we have a counselling session tonight with social services, BM is still making completing this process hard as she can, they have advised we bring an application to have BM admitted for psychiatric evaluation and also to get an urgent application for full custody of SS.
I guess if we get custody of SS and BM only has supervised visits this will help in the process, I am not planning on being alone with SS ever again, not like this happened much, unless DH was in the shower....and SS was watching TV while I made dinner and watched our BS.
DH has been by my side since this all began, I can not fault him on that at all. he has said that if this last part does not work he will give up on fighting BM and just not see SS anymore. I know this is hard on him but wants our family to have a normal life as well instead of constant court battles.
it takes a strong person to be a step parent especially with difficult BMs, but in the end we are better people for it. our life lessons help those that are yet to follow in our footprints of step-parenthood.
LuciGirl
This is the exact situation
This is the exact situation i'm going through as well. My SS9 said the same things about me. He was also coached by his BM. SS was doing very inappropriate things to my son and my husband walked in on it. This was years ago so I had to somehow try to move past that and not feel the anger and hatred towards my SS that I had. Don't get me wrong, I love my SS, but getting over the things that have been said and done is a very hard thing to do. This all started with us about 5 years ago and I still struggle with this daily. The thing I always try to remember is he is a child and is being told by his mom to say these things. A lie is a lie and a 9 year old knows what a lie is. I honestly think it will always be a struggle while they are a child. I walk on egg shells when SS is visiting because I don't know what him or his mother are going to say. It is at the point that our lawyer actually told my husband and I that SS does not need to be alone with either of our children and that husband and I should never be alone with him. I hope your situation is getting better. No matter if you know that the person saying you beat him/her is a child or not it is very hurtful especially after trying to love and support them no matter what. I feel your pain. It gets a little easier as the days pass. Keep your head up!
Thank you WonderMom3. I have
Thank you WonderMom3. I have come to realize that so many step-parents go through this and it really is sad that the bio's put them up to this. but we just keep on keeping on.
Keep strong