Ungrateful Skids and Christmas gifts... How to rectify being generous to people so undeserving?
So my parents bought the skids some Christmas gifts. They gave, to me, to give to the skids, some Christmas cards with Visa gift cards inside.
These kids are not nice to my parents. The skids will ignore them if they are spoken to. Of course, these bad manners aren't limited to just my folks, it's how they act to everyone.
Anywho, these cards are sitting in my purse. I can't bring myself to give the gifts to the skids. Intellectually, I know that it isn't my call to make, because if my parents bought these gifts for the skids, then they clearly want to give the skids a gift.
My parents, when they gave me the cards and told me what was in them, I was surprised. I mean, not really because my parents *would* do something like that. However, I said to them, "That is very generous of you..." My tone, more than my words, implied that... "Um, that was nice, but why did you bother?"
My parents hesitated before they said, "We didn't get the gifts for the skids because we think they deserve them. We did it for your H."
I know that I have to hand the cards over, but seriously, I really can't bring myself to do it.
F*ck.
I wish my parents had just held onto them and given them to my H to give to his kids, rather than putting me in the middle.
To put it in some perspective:
Yesterday, on a day-trip out with my family, I actually did something that I haven't done in a long time: I bought something for the skids. I bought them some home made, huge (huge) soft pretzels with fresh home made hot cheese. I brought these pretzels home, the skids ate them, and I got not so much as a "F*ck you for thinking of us LRP" let alone a "Thank you."
Soooo....
Yeah.
Like I think they deserve a f*cking gift from MY parents.
I'm thinking of giving them back to my parents and asking them to hold onto them until they see my H, then they can give the cards to my H to give to his kids.
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Comments
That is a tough one! It's
That is a tough one! It's all well & good that they did it for your DH but at the end of the day, they are teaching the Skids that they get rewarded for being jerks!
UGH! I'm sorry...but I'd probably give them back to my parents saying "I'm sorry. Your gifts to the SKids were very thoughtful, but I don't feel that they deserve anything from you since they are always such jerks to you!...feel free to send them yourself because I'm not going to give them to them...I'll use them at Starbucks if they stay in my purse any longer."
If it makes you feel better then give them to your H to handle, although I have no idea how a parent can be okay with knowing that their own spawn are such cretins!
Exactly! I can't tell you how
Exactly! I can't tell you how tempted I am to keep the gifts for myself.
I just don't feel that they deserve them. At all!
If I give them to my H, he will give them to the skids. And that will be that.
I know that my parents will expect a phone call from my H, with the skids on the line, to say "thank you," but I don't believe that my H will do that unless I tell him that he needs to. Which makes it all the worse.
My parents are very proper people. They told me that they expected my H to do the "fatherly" thing and have the skids call them.
I am leaning toward giving the gifts back to my parents and telling them, "I'm sorry. I just can't bring myself to hand these over, because I don't feel that they deserve it. However, I understand your motivation for doing it - and *I* really appreciate that. Please, YOU give these to my H, for him to give to his kids, the next time you see him. I just can't be complicate in rewarding children with gifts who don't deserve them."
Would I be out of line to do that? Or should I just suck it up and hand the cards over?
Honestly, my elderly GM sends
Honestly, my elderly GM sends money to my 2 resident Skids on their birthdays, my mom has given them things before, their maternal GGP's send them stuff for their birthdays & for Christmas...I make them sit down & write out thank you cards. I include pictures of them with whatever they bought (SS gets Lego's, SD gets dolls)...they know that if they get money, that they HAVE to write out their thank you notes. There is no negotiation...that is how I was raised & I'll be damned if I will take ANY credit for ungrateful heathens...especially where my own family is concerned.
Can you express your issues to your parents? Ensure that they know & understand that you doubt that they will show any gratitude whatsoever? They raised you & I'm sure that they expected better out of you as a child & they would, I can imagine, appreciate that you are trying to ensure that your SKids learn that if they treat people like dirt, that they won't get anything...
Funny that your parents are assuming that your DH will force thankfulness out of the Skids...lol...do you think that it will happen? If you pass the cards to your DH, will he insist that they make the "thank you" call that your parent's are expecting?
Well, I gave the cards to my
Well, I gave the cards to my H - who immediately gave them to his kids.
I couldn't help it, I did say, "I recommend that a Thank You is given to my parents. Either in the form of a phone call or a Thank You card."
They opened the gifts, are enthralled with the fact that it's a "credit card," but when my H brings up how they are going to express gratitude, they keep changing the subject.
He asked them to call them, but SD is whining, "but I don't *know* them!!!"
Now she's complaining that she doesn't know what to say. Are you kidding me?????????
It killed me to give them those cards. For fucking real.
Okay...here's what I'd say to
Okay...here's what I'd say to SD...
"Welp...if you don't know them enough to say "THANK YOU", you certainly don't know them well enough to get gifts from them! Give it to me & I'll make sure that MY PARENTS get it back, you ungrateful little twit!"
My SO would give me a look but he knows that I don't mess around with this type of thing...
This is what I was
This is what I was thinking!!!!!
SS will now not look away
SS will now not look away from his video game long enough to even "discuss" calling my parents to thank them.
Fucking amazing. Absolutely fucking amazing.
THIS is why I don't do shit for them. Then, when/if I do, I always, always, always, always regret it.
Pull your DH out of the room
Pull your DH out of the room & tell him that you will not tolerate your SKids pulling this shit on YOUR parents! He needs to go in there, unplug the damn game & give them scripts if he has to...
"LRP75's parents, thank you so much for my gift card! I think I want to buy a video game with it. Thank you again! Happy New Years!"
The rest would be up to your husband...oh goodness, I'm furious for you!
But then...I guess your parents will learn not to give them jack but your DH will look like crap in their eyes too.
"I guess your parents will
"I guess your parents will learn not to give them jack but your DH will look like crap in their eyes too."
Unfortunately, you hit the nail on the head with that one.
Listening to my H try to coax
Listening to my H try to coax these kids into being grateful is a fucking joke.
To continue my
To continue my play-by-play:
They called. I am so glad they did.
And it was a semi-normal "thank you" from them.
It killed me to give it to them, but I am glad it's over.
I had to tell my H though,
I had to tell my H though, "I'm glad you called, but the reason why I mentioned that you would need to, was because I felt that you wouldn't make sure they expressed gratitude if I didn't say something about it."
He looked confused.
So I asked, "Is it wrong for me to be offended that I haven't been thanked for the pretzels I bought them?"
He said, "Oh, I forgot to tell them..."
Me, "Yeah. Exactly my point."
LMAO...I had the same shit
LMAO...I had the same shit with SS's birthday gifts & SO told SD to say "thank you" to me...THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE TOLD!
UGH! I'm sorry & I can totally relate...really, I can!
Right on!!!!
Right on!!!!
this post and all the
this post and all the comments has my blood boiling because it brings back memories of sd20 and her ungratefulness. not that it's changed a damn bit, but now that she's an adult, it's not my problem. fdh's aunt took sd and bd out shopping for clothes a few years ago and spent a lot of money on them. sd may have thanked her at the time, but i doubt it. i bought a thank you card and had bd sign both their names since sd wasn't here to do it. fdh's mom emailed him and said we should get his aunt a thank you card. thanks mil, but i'm on top of it. just because your gd doesn't know a damn thing about gratitude and your son doesn't teach her, doesn't mean i don't know what to do!
another time, i did something for sd, don't remember what, i did plenty for her over the years. she knew damn well i did it and still thanked daddy and only daddy. did he correct her? F no, he didn't. i brought it up to him later, and his weak and lame excuse was that she's used to him doing things for her and only having to thank him, it's just habit. i said "don't you think at 16 years old, it should be habit to thank ANYONE who does something for you?" she also would show up on her bday and for a few days after and she would call repeatedly wanting to know if any cards came for her. when she did get cards, she tore them open, barely glanced at them, shook the money out and took off. never called or emailed anyone to thank them. made me sick. good God. and sd still doesn't get why i just stopped everything. of course she thinks she can do no wrong, too. so i'm just a rotten bitch who hates her for no reason. yeah sd, you go with that. God knows you wouldn't be able to comprehend the truth!
Bi, Yeah you get it for
Bi,
Yeah you get it for real.
It's infuriating, isn't it?
I hate being taken advantage of. Worst yet, I hate putting myself in a position to be taken advantage of. I shouldn't be surprised or hurt anymore by it, yet I still am.
you aren't shitting, whimsey.
you aren't shitting, whimsey. sd has nothing but horrid attitude and bad wishes for me, but no problem sticking her hand out while she's stabbing me in the back with the other one. nothing i used to do was ever good enough, but was i ever a mean bitch for not doing anything anymore. that's what really gets me. bitch, criticize, complain, and never say thank you when i AM doing things, but get pissed off when i stop. wtf??? :?
Wow...Do you want to know
Wow...Do you want to know what I did for Xmas? My wife bought all of their presents and I did not even pitch in one penny. However, I did give her some money for the xmas tree.......
I didn't buy the skids gifts
I didn't buy the skids gifts either. Nor did I pitch in any money for the gifts that my H bought.
I was "nice" and I sat in the living room while they opened them, but I was watching TV, not watching them.
They were in great spirits while they were opening gifts, but about a half-hour afterward all hell broke loose and they were back to their same ol' bullshit nasty ass behavior.
I'm seriously thinking about
I'm seriously thinking about doing this next year for their birthdays & Christmas...SO keeps pouting everytime I bring it up & thinks that by him TELLING the skids to be grateful, that it fixes it. But by 9 & 10, you'd THINK they'd get it!
*sigh* I suppose I'd feel guilty too since their BM is a POS (see my blogs...she's NPD & thinks they aren't worth her time)...I'd hate to be yet another woman who "abandons" them but...they're kinda asking for it!!!!
Kids look to their parents
Kids look to their parents for leadership and rules and it's apparent that BM gives them neither of those things. They look for their parents to model thoughtful, grateful, compassionate behavior towards those who help them. It doesn't sound like BM does that either. It sounds like DH does a little, but has he always? Because if he doesn't have a good track record of doing that, maybe letting him feel the resentment (instead of the skids) will make him work on his parenting skills. And maybe it'll make him start telling BM she needs to be a better parent. Resenting them will get you nowhere and will only lead to their acting out more. It really is on parents of all minor kids to teach said kids good manners. I do not say this to be mean or hurtful to you. Directing all of my resentment towards DH and putting it on his shoulders made him step up his parenting. And my SDs are now better people because of it.
You are preaching to the
You are preaching to the choir.
LOL. I do have to ask, has DH
LOL. I do have to ask, has DH always been consistent in disciplining them?
No he has not. He is only
No he has not. He is only becoming more consistent now because he is "afraid" of me. Hahahaa...
So yeah, I don't blame the kids, I blame my H. And now he's afraid of his kids acting out and me getting pissed, so for the first time ever, he is actually trying to parent.
BM is useless and always will be useless. She is all about soothing their egos and telling them how great they are and never disciplines them. She laughs when they get caught stealing and says stuff like, "What's the big deal, it's *just* a pack of gum!" Yeah. Exactly.
So my H is the only one even trying. However, he has only begun trying in the past 6 months or so - since we bought and moved into our own home.
He parents out of fear of me. It's sad, but true. But you know what? It works. If being afraid of ME keeps him on his toes to make sure they aren't stealing, breaking things, being destructive, etc. then so be it.
I would have been tempted to
I would have been tempted to use the gift cards to purchase the skids things they "need". Socks, underwear, school supplies.
Luckily my parents no longer buy for ss14. they used to get him as much as they got their bio grand kids. My aunt used to buy for him as well. He's been around since he was 2 after all. But once he reverted to calling my parents by their given names after 7 years of calling them grandpa and grandma which was around the same time he told everyone that he didn't care that my aunts husband died because he was boring. Those gifts stopped rolling in for him.
I did think about that too.
I did think about that too.
I just wanted to say that you
I just wanted to say that you did a great job. My parents have learned not to buy for SSs. They say the SSs have one, if not two of everything - they would not know what to buy. Which is true. I bought all their Christmas presents from DH and I this year and told hubby we are just giving them cash next year. They are so ungrateful - didn't even get one thank you - and they left half their stuff (which I am assuming they didn't want) downstairs and took the rest up to their rooms. So tired of trying and trying. We did get a gift card from one of the SS - I am assuming it was both - but the older SS17 couldn't bother even signing the card. Lame.