Ya ...it might be an opportunity to get back on track between us. She is booking things for her wedding..so she's gettng exceited. Me & daughter are doing a shower for her Dad's side and her Mom is doing it for that side...so it's an opportunity to get some ideas/guest list, etc..together. So there should be lots to keep the conversation going......

If the "looks" start...that'll be my Cue to to ...make the rounds socializing.

I'm just disappointed that SIL can't make it! She's my buddy/confidant...and knows everything that's been going on...she'd make sure I had a good night!! She is sooooooo funny!

I like your attitude...and I will take your advice, be happy, feel good, and have a drink (or two or more) to take the edge off and have great time!!

(I'm not a big drinker either....I get soooooo sick...yuck)

Hubby asked SD again by e-mail if she was coming to the BBQ...

She replied that ... "we dont need to go eat we can just go for the dance part for like 20 minutes because i dont want to go if we dont belong u know what I mean."

I'll have to ask him what that means to him.. I've asked him if he's spoken to SD since Aug 31st when he told her he was leaving me..did he update her that we have reconciled (for now) and are going to try counselling. He said "No" each time I asked..so I stopped asking. I assumed he would tell me when he did..since I asked several times about it.

It sounds like he has had some discussions with her about us. But has not had discussions with me about them.

It could be she is trying to give "us" some together time.... when he is too clueless to do the same. Or it could be she doesn't feel like hanging out with me this weekend anymore than I feel like hanging out with her..... Or a little of both

Well we had our function last night.. and hubby was off "organizing" etc..for the 1st 2 hours or so...like I said and I was sitting with SD & her fiancee. (There were others at our table as well)

It was not ackward..there were no "looks"..we talked about all kinds of things. I'm not sure how we got on this topic but we started talking about underage drinking.... She told me that she started in Grade 7....and it was at it's worst when she lived with her mother during high school years...because "everyone thought I would go with Dad..so mom was worried about that..she knew I was drinking but didn't stop me...she would just say call me if you need a ride..(she had her own car)..and picked her up loaded drunk many times..... I told her I suspected as much when she in high school different little things that slipped or didn't make sense..the places she was..you can't expect me to believe there was no drinking..I actually mentioned my suspicions it to hubby when she was 17/18.

I also began getting into "trouble" in junior high... Smoking in grade 7, drinking in grade 8 and drugs in grade 9.... (A wild party phase I grew out of by my 20's) BUT My daughter is in grade 8!!!!

So SD & I began discussing her..and whether we thought she might be experimenting, etc...since we were by that age. We both came up with NO, for a list of reasons...!!

I told hubby this morning that his daughter started in grade 7, same as I... He looked shocked!! We knew her mother put few boundaries on her to keep her with her....and we knew that was part of why SD stayed there. He couldn't resist the urge to "defend"...by saying any teenager would do the same....... We've all been there..WE all know that!!!! SO I didn't "react" to his defend, defend, approach... I just agreed and said...teenagers will do what they can to get their own way with "united" parents...it just easier for them to do when the parents are separted.. And I left it at that!

But there was nothing said about why he didn't know what was going on with her for the 3 years of Jr high..he did live under the same roof with her...and they were inseparable. There's alot he doesn't know.... They'll be alot I don't know about mine, she'll do her best to see to it.

All I want is for him to have an open mind...and don't get caught up ..in my baby isn't like that..or my baby wouldn't do that.

So all in all in was a good night...found out a few things..had some good discussions with both SD & hubby whch went well.

These children of divorce know how to play it to thier advantage....MAKE NO MISTAKES!!! Out of SD's own mouth...she knew the situation as far as her mom/dad goes. How to work it to her advantage..It's not necesarily a "character flaw" but it is what teenagers/kids do to thier parents!!!!

Dads have to wake up to this.....!!!!!!! (Bio-Moms too.....)

Most Step- moms already get it!!! lol

I agree! My parents had no clue what I was up to. Just like hubby had no clue what SD was up to. Like I right now may have no clue what my 13 yr old is up to when I'm not around. But at least I'm open to the fact she wasn't born with a halo....if someone came up to me with information about any mischeif she might be in. I'm not going to blindly defend her.....I'm going to "stalk her" and find out the facts!!! lol

While we were in trouble as 12-15 yr olds...one guy in particular was always the ring leader. He wanted to drink, try harder drugs, etc, he's the kind of guy to bungy jump or parachute..always looking for the next thrill! His mother was all over him!!!! She was the only parent who had a clue what we as a group of about 10 of us were up to. She would have us over to her house on Friday nights to watch movies or play ping-pong..so she knew where her son was!!! She followed us one night & caught us lighting up a joint. She caught him..some of the others..drinking.. She was on top of things!!!! We couldn't make a move!!!

We thought she was a meddling "old bag" at the time. But I LOVE this woman!!!! We all do!!! We all turned out to be successful adults, all of us are educated, & doing well, have families, and aren't druggies, or drunks or criminals. Her son is now an RCMP officer! If it wasn't for her ... he might have ended up on the other side of the law!!!

So I tell parents my story about her....and tell my kids .... "Don't make me stalk you!!!" "I will crash any gathering..at anytime..if I have to!!" I know more about my childrens life & friends than the other parents....daughters friends will say .."I can't believe you mom knows that..or you told her that?!" but she'll respond.."She finds out everything anyway..so I might as well tell her"

Works for me!!!!!!