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Picking up slack

lost-most-days's picture

Submitted by lost-most-days on Sat, 06/01/2013 - 8:16am

Their relationship wasn't good, maybe ever. When she left and left the kids too, there was a lot of damage already done.
They (as parents) had not enforced basics. Hand-washing, brushing teeth, eating fruit and veg, drinking water, a bedtime, responsibility for personal space and belongings, consideration..the list goes on.

So, I'm phoning dentists (embarrassed), mandating brushing (flossing is worlds away)
waking every morning to a toilet covered in pee (2 boys)
toys, papers, games, homework-scattered randomly
every meal leaves me in despair as nobody likes anything (well, one loves everything)talking with mouths full, slurping and acting like savages
leaving the floor wrecked for me to clean, at least 3 times a day-usually 5
and I can do absolutely everything..I'm the one they seek for school needs, clothing, shoes, hair, rides..etc..
but when I have so much to enforce as new, it's hard because I'm seen as evil-the one who stole dad's time
dad tells them the truth, that this should have been normal all along
but-I can't even get upset-because that's me over reacting
and my intelligence would render this doomed and I'd walk but I'd feel guilty doing what their mother does so easily.

Comments

Justme54's picture

Submitted by Justme54 on Sat, 06/01/2013 - 8:26am

TIME OUT SUPERWOMAN...take a deep breath. DO you work or you a housewife? Either way, you need some "ME" time and some "DATE" time with your man. Can you get a sitter for a day or even a half a day every week or at least every other week.
Work on that. And do the same for "DATE" time. It will not change your world. However, it will give you some down time to re-energize to go back to your SUPERWOMAN DUTIES.

GOD BLESS YOU!! You are a saint...hope the kids see you for the loving caring mommy you are.

lost-most-days's picture

Submitted by lost-most-days on Sat, 06/01/2013 - 8:35am

you know what's sad is that I expected a "quit bitchin, that's life" response but yours really touched me and helped a lot. I had completely forgotten about us having a date night, yes-really. You reminding me has given me a little light, thank you. I do work, but I work from home. I'm college educated but I feel like a domestic servant/part-time hooker on most days. The kids have moments of what looks like appreciation and signs of love shine through if you look hard enough but mostly, they want me around to keep dad happy and the house homey-but stay away and leave them be. It's not easy.

Justme54's picture

Submitted by Justme54 on Sat, 06/01/2013 - 9:46am

I love the hooker part. I hear you on that. I give DH sex MANY times...not becasue I am in the mood but that it will make my life more peaceful. I think men are big babies...long story short. I never had children. DH's kids were in their 20's and 30's...he told me they were very independebt. That was a damn lie. We have spent almost $20,000 on his needy mama and his spoiled sponging kids. I am still looking a the concrete floor in one of the spare bedroom. i stripped the carpet before DH and I got together. He moved in with me...deal was...we would inprove this home. His mama and kids come before me. I have resentment issuses

lost-most-days's picture

Submitted by lost-most-days on Sat, 06/01/2013 - 9:51am

I relate too well to not being AS important. It's sad that I'm seeing so many lives wrecked emotionally around here-mine included. thank you

lost-most-days's picture

Submitted by lost-most-days on Sat, 06/01/2013 - 9:49am

I'm thinking of heading out tonight..leaving them all in..and turning off my cell..seriously pondering it..thank you

Shook's picture

Submitted by Shook on Sat, 06/01/2013 - 10:02am

LOL on hooker part. I work from home too & have an office to go to BUT either way, when SS needs something, he's old enough he can get it himself. The moment he made me feel like I was the ATM/CleaningLady/LegalAid/Cook (he claimed awful cook too but then why was he scarfing down my food & getting seconds jackass??) I just shut down because I wasn't appreciated for any of it. Only till last week's court hearing did he finally say thank you after we got custody last year.

Take it from me, I go out whenever I want. If you don't have that attitude, they will always take you for granted. I used to go shopping & take skid with me. I stopped, it was all about him. Then when it was my turn to look for something, he'd be tired & complained wanting to go home. So forget that. Wait till your father stops working this season & go with him. Bet skid regretted whining in the ladies shoe dept.

We still have another apartment to that we haven't rented. And I'm not going to rent it out till after the summer. If I need to get away & just do my nails or just sit & post all day or just even stare at a wall, I'll do it. DH,skid & wacko BM take enough of my time as it is. Seriously, Go Out & go sign up for some yoga classes Smile