On the topic of Hate
WHY is it that our stepchildren can tell us that they HATE us and we can't say anything back? I mean, I get it, they are children and we are adults, but... they also know what they are doing, especially SD10 and they do it intentionally.
SD10 got mad because I told her she had to eat some vegetables with dinner and didn't like my choice- really is three pieces of raw broccoli and ranch that bad?? And after a sleepover last night and a girl scout trip to Elitches (amusement park) today, she came home with a not so good attitude, I told her had to go to bed 30 minutes early because of it. If she goes to bed earlier the less I have to deal with her. After about 30 minutes of pouting in her room she came out and told me my punishments were unfair. UM as if a punishment was fair in any circumstance... isn't that the point of a punishment??? And making her go to bed early is like the least unfair thing.
Then she gets into the "i wish dad was here" speal... As if I don't hear that one everytime I do something she doesn't like. Hell, I wish her was too because then I would be spending my Saturday night with my husband instead of the little shit head called SD10. I told her she could spend the rest of the night in her room. Then she walks off in a huff, mumbling something about hate underneath her breath.
This is a fairly frequent occurrence and for once, FOR ONCE, I just wish I could tell her how I really felt.
ARG!
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When skids told me they
When skids told me they didn't like me, what slipped out of my mouth was 'feelings mutual!'..
I have no problem speaking my mind..I don't believe in coddling kids. SO agrees with me.
i will say to ANY kid (that
i will say to ANY kid (that is not put in line by his bio's at the moment) while they are spewing their hatred....
"look, you hate me. FINE! You wish I wasn't here. FINE! Your mad. FINE! You have the right to feel the way you do. I cannot change your feelings, that is how you feel. BUT YOU WILL NOT TALK TO ME THAT WAY. YOU WANT TO BE PISSED AT PEOPLE, THAT'S FINE. YOU CAN BE MAD ALL DAY LONG, BUT THAT DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BE RUDE, MEAN, HURTFUL, AND DISRESPECTFUL."
From there depending on the situation i WOULD tell them to either, go to their room, or don't talk to me until they can apologize and talk nicely, or whatever.
i have NO ISSUES ignoring a person until they can act right.
Hell, I WOULD say this to my OWN kids too. And I have. My dd12 has her moments. Havin a bad day a school, comes homes pissy and mean to everyone. I tell her to go to her room, chill out alone and don't come down until she can either be nicer to everyone or learn to hold her tongue. I tell her "i'm sorry you are having a hard time right now, but you don't take it out on others by being mean. if you are mad at a certain person then you raise those issues with THAT person. In the meantime, if you want to talk/vent about it i will listen, but i will NOT stand here and let me and the other people of this house be your punching bag because you are mad at someone else!"
i've never called sd a name
i've never called sd a name to her face or told her i hate her, either. but i do hate her. and i'm sure she knows it. she earned my hate. she worked overtime for my hate. i don't just freely hand it out, you have to do something pretty bad to get it. she wins the prize. i don't feel bad, either. i didn't give birth to that thing and i don't have to love it. i don't pretend to love it, either.
My daughter used to scream,
My daughter used to scream, "I hate you!" One day I calmly replied, "Well, I LOVE you. And it's because I love you that I...(whatever the issue)." It shut her up. The look on her face was priceless, too. She only "hated" me a few more times after that.
All of you ladies are right!
All of you ladies are right! I have gotten mad at her a few times and told her that she was being hurtful and what not, but I don't think that always works because I think most times that is her point. I agree with bi, that she has earned my hate and most times I hate her. Like when I tell her that her room reeks because she's not sleeping on sheets! and has like 20 stuffed animals surrounding her and she smartass comments back to me. I wish she could live in her room and I wouldn't have to see her.