"Bio
Sm;31
DH : 31
Sd x2 - 3/7
BM struggling to understand"

Man, the last line ofthe OP's bio cracked me up.
How her boyfriend's wife make life difficult for her.LOL

Just a drop of perspective-my parents divorce wasn't final for 5 years.

He cheated. She found someone 3 years after the proceedings started.

Judge Judy's need to go on lunch.

The same people who are saying "you dont know if his wife is an angry nag" are the same people accusing OP of being a home wreaker.

You can't be both ritious and presumptive then call someone out on doing whatbyou yourself just did.

I know I dealt the jealousy a lot with my exDH in how he dealt with BM and another ex because exDH never put my feelings first and it made me insecure. He would use the " for the kid " excuse among others for not putting BM in her place and it upset me when it impacted my household.

With my SO who has two BMs to deal with , I have ZERO feelings of jealousy because SO hasn't given me one reason to feel anything but secure in my relationship with him.

None of use would probably be on this site if we had found the perfect kid free man and didn't have issues in our relationships. The OP's boyfriend could also have waited until his divorce was done. Hindsight is 20/20.

Separated people who have divorce proceedings going on are fair game. Even if the OP was the "other woman " ( I don't think cheating is ok ), the BM also needs to move past and get on with her life. Being bitter and angry doesn't do anyone any good.

Disengagement of BM from your life is the best way to try to reduce the intensity of feelings about her I have found. That and time. So do not get involved in long discussions about your boyfriend's divorce, just smile, nod, console, agree as appropriate and move the topic of conversation on to something new. Do not have any direct contact with BM. Do not go anywhere she will be. Do not do pick ups or drop offs. If you live with your boyfriend ask that exchanges are done somewhere away from the house. If you don't live with him, avoid being there when exchanges happen.

It is normal to have all sorts of conflicting emotions in these circumstances especially when stressful court proceedings are ongoing. Just try to be easy on yourself and accept the emotion and then move past it rather than dwell on it. Sometimes I find too that using my logical brain to try to see things from bm's point of view can help me to be a little more understanding of her actions and reactions.

What you don't have to do is listen to your SO go on and on over and over again about his divorce process and/or how he thinks BM is 'doing him wrong' (or whatever he's whining over).

Most of this is going to come with the territory you, yourself chose to put yourself. No one forced you to hook-up with a still married man. Divorce isn't a pleasant occasion. Things need to be sorted out and negotiated. No one wants taken advantage of. No one wants 'taken to the cleaners' , so to say.

Who gets what. Who pays for what. Who gets the kids? The parenting plan right up until the little darlings graduate from college. None of it is quick and enjoyable. Face it, neither side wants to be the one to do this or that, pay this or that. Whether it drags on for a year or five years , it is what it is. The end of a marriage that must be settled.

I'm sure if you were the one divorcing the man, you'd want and ask for this and that too. It's the rare person who just signs off and lets the other person have whatever way they please...the ones who do are usually the ones very sorry later on when they have to live with the way it went down "just to get it over with".

It'll end. They can't stay married forever dragging this out unless they are splitting a enormous vast estate. They're going to run out of things to fight over and money to do it with sooner or later.

So BM's flying off with her Gfs while you're stuck with the skids? LOL. yeah, that will happen. They came with the guy you chose. Unless SO manages to get 50/50 with no child support , there will that to look forward to also. Yep, he'll be handing his hard earned (remaining) cash monthly to BM. Yep, he'll be paying off left over marital debt for ages. Yep, he'll be paying for at least part of all their health insurance, medical bills, braces, oh, and maybe even their sport activities. You'll be vacationing at the local state park while BM is flying off to London with the GFs while you complain your SO's CS paid for that trip. Yep, he'll be pretty bare bones raising these kids and you'll be asked to either chip in and help pay if you want a better trip or book the Motel 6 for a family vacation.

Do yourself a favor, after his divorce finally comes and before you marry this guy, just be sure this is what you really want. That, and be sure to separate and keep separate all your finances.

Welp...another post derailed people wanting to judge, AND MAKE UP WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW, rather than help.

Yes...it is normal to be jealous in your situation. It will get easier or more difficult. That will mainly depend on your DH and how he handles this whole situation.