Dont know what to do...
I dont even know where to begin.. its my first post so it may be a bit long winded. I am the bio mom of 4 kids, ages 20, 16, 14 and 8. I am in a wonderful relationship with a man that has two biological kids of his own. They are 3 and 6. Here is where the dilema lies.. I can not stand his boys.. He has every other weekend visits and week long visits during school vacations.. The week before the visits i get very emotional, angry, resentful. And when they are here i act like they dont exist.. Every little thing they do annoys me to no end. I know this sounds horrible but their very existance makes my skin crawl. I know that this will be the one thing that ruins my relationship with my bf if i cant figure out how to get over this.. Help..
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I'm going to be blunt here...
I'm going to be blunt here... if you don't like his boys there is no amount of counseling, re-training your brain, forcing the situation that is going to change that. And at their ages, it is virtually impossible to simply disengage. The longer you are "forced" to live in this situation that you dislike, the more your resentment and dislike of these boys is going to grow. Does your BF know that you dislike his boys?
The other thing I want to point out is that these boys are young, you have a long road ahead of you and you could very well end up with them full time and then what? This is where I am... SD15 moved in with us in April.. it was something that I never thought could/would happen and I hate every second of it. If someone would have pointed out to me that there was a strong possibility that one or both of my skids would be living with us full-time? I most likely wouldn't have married him. Stupid me for not entertaining that scenario.
Sorry to be a negative nelly, just trying to be honest.
^^^This^^^. And I would add
^^^This^^^. And I would add that while you may not be able to help your reaction to them it is going to be damaging to children that young to have their Dad's partner dislike them to the point that you act like they don't exist. Imagine your own children in that position, spending weekends and weeks in a house with an adult who ignored them.
All children are different, sometimes personalities are just not compatible and you have to accept that fact, rather than imagining you can somehow force yourself to like them. The chances of your relationship with their Dad being viable if you don't like his children are slim to none. Either you will become increasingly hostile and resentful towards his children to the point it outweighs the happiness you get from your relationship with your partner, or his children will become an increasing point of friction and your partner will grow to resent you. There are years and years of parenting issues and teenage growing pains ahead, it will get harder not easier as they get older...
That article was perfect.
That article was perfect. Thank you for suggesting that i read it. So much of it was right on point. I guess i really do have alot to think about and i hope that my relationship is strong enough to survive this.