I am a "grab the bull by the horns" kind of person. Have been as long as I remember. For people who are more passive in their problem solving approach, I can be difficult to understand. I saw a blog today about marriage, but in my opinion, it applies to almost any situation in life. I thought of so many here on ST that want to address issues head on and are married to people who want to ignore them.

"If there is a problem in our marriage, let’s face it head on.The problem is not the fault of our parents, the government, the education system, or any other external force you can muster up. Denial and wishful thinking will not get the issues and problems corrected. Failure to confront the issues leads us down a path toward destruction of the marriage, the family, and can create emotional scarring from which an individual may never recover.

We lie to ourselves to avoid pain. The reality is the pain of not facing and handling the truth is greater than the pain of facing it. We probably understand that but we lie to ourselves because we allow our emotions to override our intellect. Next time we’re confronted with a problem in our marriages, let’s face it straight away; force ourselves to get to the root of the problem, stop talking about it and take action. By doing so, we’ll be able to continue toward that great future we promised our spouse when we stood at the altar with them."

In my opinion, avoiding conflict is never the best way to approach a problem. Avoidance only leads to further pain, further misunderstanding, or at best prolonging the discomfort by taking longer to come to a solution of an issue. Conflict is not a bad thing. Conflict is when people who care about each other or a situation have differing points of view. Avoiding conflict means not communicating, being self centered, not hearing or understanding the other person's point of view, not coming up with a positive solution, continuing to suffer with a problem rather than solving it. Working through conflict means communicating, being positive and solution focused, being "us" centered and hearing the other person's point of view, solving a problem, dealing with a situation, and usually results in strengthening bonds between people.

I have never known of a problem or situation that went away on it's own, without some kind of intervention or guidance. And sometimes, a little problem, like a baby alligator, can grow into a big problem if ignored.

Most people I know who avoid conflict do so out of fear. They fear hurting the other person. They fear losing a relationship. They fear rejection. They fear being wrong. So they ignore the problem, pretend it doesn't exist, hope it will just go away. I am reminded that the scriptures are full of the words "fear not."

Some people are much better at ignoring issues than me. I'm simply not good at ignoring a big pink elephant walking around in my life. I take the elephant by the tusk and move it where it belongs.

For the people who are able to happily ignore whatever pink elephant happens to be in their life, that is wonderful! I wouldn't presume to tell them that their method of solving problems is not right for them. And I truly appreciate the people who don't judge me because I choose to confront problems rather than ignore them.

I do know this: Once I get the elephant out of my life, I am not walking around in or smelling elephant crap. No matter how much you ignore an elephant in your life, the crap still stinks.