Reading over my last blog I am amazed at how much progress DH and I have made. I must admit, I need to tell DH right away how much I appreciate how hard he has worked to build a stronger marriage and shut BM out completely. He has almost nothing to do with her now. He has done a wonderful job with that and I have not told him enough how much I appreciate it. I am proud of the improvements we have made in our marriage. We have worked really hard and even the marriage counselor recently said we've got a great relationship which surprised us both considering the rough times we've had.

I am reading Step Monster right now and I find it to be a really insightful and extremely helpful book. I am really starting to see, especially now that BM and DH do not interact anymore, how much ss15 creates conflict in our lives. And how much my own reaction to things adds to the tension and conflict.

We are still having problems with conflict when ss15 comes to visit. I really have come to feel that ss15 creates "drama" whenever he can for the purpose of getting attention. He doesn't get the right kind of attention from his mother and when there is drama between his parents, it puts him right in the middle as the center of attention. DH doesn't see this and continues to see ss15 only as the victim. I understand that the situation is very painful for ss15 and all he has ever known is drama so it's pretty logical he seeks to create it. But how can DH and I teach him there is a different way to deal with BM and a different way to establish a relationship with DH. He is only 15 but isn't he old enough to start learning these concepts?

It seems cruel to tell DH not to drop everything and come to his son's aid every time DH pulls some kind of crazy stunt to get attention. But ss15 lives with his grandparents now, refuses to live with his dad and keeps making attempts to move back in with his mother even though it constantly creates a lot of drama. I think it's no accident that all this drama created when ss15 wants to move back in with mom causes DH to get involved. It puts a tremendous amount of stress on DH and I and the end result is that ss15 (and indirectly BM) get a lot of attention at the expense of our marriage... It can really take a toll on us...

So what do you do? How do you teach a 15 year old kid how to set boundaries with his crazy mother instead of adding to the drama and dragging as many people he can into it? He refuses to move in with his dad, continues to try and go back to BM and continues to drag DH right into the middle of this. DH acts surprised every time it happens and I think it will keep happening until we change our reaction to it, especially DH's reaction. DH thinks this will all end when ss15 turns 18. I say, no it won't. BM will continue her unsuccessful suicide attempts (and who knows what else) for the sake of attention long after ss15 has turned 18 and I'm sure it will continue to disrupt our lives as long as we let it.

Any input? Anybody? We've made a lot of progress but we have hit a roadblock. ss15 will be here for spring break and then for summer and I get exhausted just thinking about all the potential drama and fighting there will be... And it doesn't need to be that way but we can't seem to figure out a better way...

Addendum: DH has exhausted every court and CPS attempt to get custody of ss15. It's not going to happen and we are struggling to make the best of a bad situation.